Are you hot girl walking, journal prompting, and doing ALL the things but still feel like an anxious mess in your relationship? You're checking off every healing box but somehow still spiraling when he takes too long to text back? Girl, I feel you—and there's a reason why your anxious attachment isn't budging despite all your efforts! 💕

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You're Wrestling With Your Anxiety Instead of Healing It

Here's the first truth bomb that's going to sting a little: the more you fight your anxious attachment, the stronger it gets. 💣

Think of it like those finger traps we played with as kids—the harder you pull, the more stuck you become. When you approach healing from a place of "I HAVE to fix this" or "I need to work harder at this," you're actually engaging with your anxiety from a place of conflict.

It's like having a drinking problem and hanging out at bars all day. You're literally feeding the thing that's making you feel terrible! When I was in my anxious attachment era, I was constantly wrestling with my thoughts, trying to make myself feel better, and guess what? It made everything worse. 🙈

The real tea? You can't out-muscle your nervous system, boo. The energy of "working hard" to heal is often the exact energy that keeps you stuck in anxious patterns.

You're Trying to Heal in a Linear Way (But Healing Isn't Linear!)

If you're a high-achiever (and let's be real, you probably are if you're here), you've been conditioned to believe that effort equals results. Get good grades ✅ Get the degree ✅ Get the promotion ✅ Get the corner office ✅

But healing? Healing is cyclical, not linear. 🌀

I used to approach my healing like a checklist: "Okay, I did the meditation, I went on the hot girl walk, I journaled—why am I still anxious?!" Sound familiar?

Here's what I wish someone had told me earlier: healing is more like a spiral staircase or a carousel. You might feel like you're going in circles, but you're actually moving upward. Sometimes you'll revisit the same feelings or patterns, but each time you're equipped with more awareness and tools.

The problem with linear thinking? When you don't see immediate results, you think you're failing. But gorgeous, you're not failing—you're just expecting healing to work like everything else in your achievement-oriented life, and it doesn't! ✨

You're Performing Healing Instead of Practicing It

This one hits deep for my high-performing girlies. You've been rewarded your whole life for doing things perfectly, so naturally, you approach healing the same way. But here's the plot twist: healing is not a performance—it's a process. 👑

When you treat healing like something you need to "get right," you're actually smothering the natural, organic process that wants to unfold. It's like planting a seed and then poking at it every day, overwatering it, and wondering why it won't grow!

I had a client recently (shoutout to my DC government girlie!) who was attracting emotionally unavailable people left and right. She's incredibly high-performing in her career, but she was trying to perfect her healing journey. Once we shifted from "doing healing perfectly" to treating it as a practice—not a perfect—everything changed. Now she's with the most amazing guy who shows up for her in ways that blow her mind! 🤩

The difference between performing and practicing?

• Performing healing: "I did my meditation for an hour, checked that box!"
• Practicing healing: "I'm going to be gentle with myself today and notice what comes up"

When you're in a state of doing versus being, you miss the whole point. Healing happens in the being, not the doing.

Why Your Nervous System Needs More Than Just Information

Here's what most people don't realize: you can't think your way out of an activated nervous system. 🧠

Your anxious attachment lives in your body, not just your mind. All the podcasts, books, and Instagram posts in the world won't rewire your nervous system if you're only working on the mental level.

This is why you can know logically that your partner loves you, but still spiral when they don't text back immediately. Your nervous system is operating from old programming that says "lack of immediate response = danger."

What your nervous system actually needs:

• Safety in your body through regulation practices
• Consistent, gentle experiences of security
• Time to slowly rewire old patterns
• Compassion, not force

Remember, information without application is just entertainment. But application without nervous system regulation? That's just frustration! 💕

The Real Reason You Keep Attracting the Same Patterns

Let me share something that might sound a little woo-woo but is absolutely true: we unconsciously create what feels familiar, even when familiar doesn't feel good.

When you have anxious attachment, your comfort zone includes feeling abandoned, misunderstood, or on edge in relationships. I know it sounds crazy, but your nervous system literally finds chaos more comfortable than calm because chaos is what it knows.

This is why even when you meet secure, amazing people, you might find yourself creating drama or pushing them away. It's not because you're broken—it's because your system is trying to return to what feels familiar.

I used to think the solution was just finding a secure partner. Spoiler alert: I self-sabotaged several amazing, secure relationships because I wasn't ready to receive that kind of love. The real work is becoming so secure within yourself that external circumstances don't shake your inner peace.

How to Actually Start Healing Your Anxious Attachment

Ready for the good news? You absolutely can heal your anxious attachment—you just need a different approach. ✨

Instead of wrestling with your anxiety, start building a relationship with it. Get curious: "Oh, there's that familiar feeling again. What is it trying to tell me?"

Instead of trying to heal perfectly, commit to healing consistently. Small, gentle actions over time create lasting change.

Instead of performing healing, start practicing presence. Can you be with yourself in this moment, exactly as you are, without trying to fix anything?

The most important shift? Moving from trying to get rid of your anxious attachment to learning how to be with it in a new way. When you stop making it the enemy, it stops controlling your life.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Stop wrestling and start witnessing - Notice when you're fighting your anxiety vs. observing it with curiosity
2. Embrace the non-linear path - Celebrate small shifts instead of expecting dramatic changes overnight
3. Practice presence over performance - Focus on being with yourself rather than fixing yourself
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang - Surround yourself with other girlies who get the journey and can support you through it

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:05] Why your anxious attachment isn't healing despite doing "all the things"
• [4:25] The mistake of wrestling with your anxiety instead of healing it
• [6:00] Why healing isn't linear and why that matters for high-achievers
• [8:14] The difference between performing healing vs. practicing it
• [10:26] How to approach healing like a practice, not a perfection
• [15:19] The Wizard Liz situation and what we can learn from it
• [20:03] Why you unconsciously create familiar relationship patterns

Related Posts You'll Love:

• 4 Anxious Attachment Mistakes High-Achievers Make (And How to Fix Them)
• The Instant Fix for Anxious Attachment Triggers (That Actually Works)
• Stopping the Systemic Self Sabotage and Relationship Anxiety
• How to FEEL more SECURE in Your Relationship (for overachieving women)

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫