JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG

Are you spiraling with overthinking? Making up imaginary scenarios about what your partner is doing? Finding yourself seeking reassurance or beating yourself up after you've sent that vulnerable text? Girl, you're deep in the anxious attachment trigger zone—and I'm here to show you how to break free with an approach that actually works! 💕

Ready to Ditch the Relationship Anxiety For Good?

Honey, if you're DONE with the constant overthinking and ready to feel secure AF in your relationships, I've got you covered! Check out these game-changing resources:

💖 Healing Girl Gang: Your new sisterhood of support - JOIN NOW

💥 The Confidence Code: My signature program to heal anxious attachment from the inside out - TRANSFORM YOUR LOVE LIFE

🚀 Self-Sabotage Slay-Over: Stop getting in your own way - CLAIM YOUR POWER

💎 VIP 1:1 Coaching: Personalized support just for you - BOOK YOUR SESSION

Let's Keep This Healing Party Going! 🎉

• 📺 YouTube: Subscribe for Weekly Inspo
• 📸 Instagram: Join the Healing Fam
• 🎥 TikTok: More Healing Goodness

Your most secure, confident self is waiting. Let's make it happen, boo! 💜

Why Most Anxious Attachment Solutions Don't Stick

Let's get real—if you're a high-achieving, perfectionistic girlie who's killing it in your career but spiraling in your relationship, you've probably tried ALL the things to manage your triggers. You've saved the Instagram posts, read the self-help books, maybe even gone to therapy. And yet, those triggers keep coming back with a vengeance. 🙈

Here's the truth: when we're in that anxious spiral, most of us are looking for a quick fix. We want the panic to stop NOW. But treating the symptoms without addressing the root cause is like taking cough syrup for pneumonia—it might give you temporary relief, but the underlying issue remains.

I want to set realistic expectations before we dive in. Learning to manage your triggers is a practice, not a one-time solution. Even when you master these skills, life will still be triggering (hello, traffic jams and work stress!). But with the right tools, you'll stop those anxious attachment triggers in their tracks before they derail your entire day—or relationship.

Acting From Your Wound vs. Acting From Vulnerability

At the heart of every anxious trigger is a deeper wound, and the key to that instant fix is recognizing when you're acting from that wound versus acting from a place of healing and vulnerability. ✨

Let me break this down with an analogy that helped me understand this concept. Imagine you're walking up the stairs in high school and you trip (mortifying, right?). When we're acting from our wound, we typically respond in one of three ways:

1. We "walk it off" - pretending it didn't hurt, acting like everything's fine
2. We make excuses - blaming the stairs for being uneven
3. We blame something or someone - our shoes, the person behind us, even ourselves

Sound familiar? Now, let's translate this to relationship triggers:

• Walking it off: "Oh, he didn't text me back for hours? No big deal. I'm fine." (Spoiler: you're not fine)
• Making excuses: "He's probably just busy at work. Or his phone died. Or he's taking a nap."
• Blaming: "He's so inconsiderate!" or "I'm so stupid for caring about this."

All of these responses come from that wounded place inside us that's trying to protect us from feeling the actual hurt. But guess what? They don't work. They just push the pain underground where it festers and grows.

The Vulnerability Trifecta: Your Instant Fix for Triggers

Here's the instant fix I promised you (and it really does work): instead of acting from your wound, lead with vulnerability. This approach has three powerful components. 👑

1. Allow Yourself to Feel: The "Oof, That Hurt" Moment

The first step is deceptively simple but incredibly powerful: acknowledge when something hurts.

Instead of pretending you're fine when you're actually anxious about your partner not texting back, simply acknowledge to yourself, "Oof, that hurts. I feel scared when I don't hear from him."

This sounds so basic, but most of us skip this step entirely. We're taught to be strong, to not show weakness, to "walk it off." But healing begins with honesty about our pain.

I learned this from my yoga teacher who taught me to cultivate a "deep sense of okayness" with whatever I was experiencing—even the uncomfortable emotions. It took me 500+ hours of training to truly understand how powerful this simple practice is.

2. Reflect Through the Lens of Love

Once you've acknowledged your hurt, reflect on it—not to beat yourself up, but to understand with compassion.

Instead of ruminating on what you said wrong or how you could have acted differently, reflect with curiosity and kindness. "I notice I get really anxious when I don't get a quick response. I wonder where that comes from?"

This reflection isn't about fixing anything in that moment. It's about creating space between your trigger and your reaction, allowing you to see patterns with clarity instead of judgment.

Remember: you cannot heal what you criticize. Reflection must come from a place of love, not self-punishment.

3. Take Radical Ownership

The final piece of this vulnerability trifecta is taking ownership of your feelings and reactions. This is where true transformation happens. 🤩

Taking ownership means recognizing that while your feelings are valid, they belong to you—not your partner. It's saying, "I'm responsible for my anxiety. My partner isn't responsible for managing my emotions."

When I first heard someone say "Nobody's coming to save you," I brushed it off. Then, in a low moment in my marriage, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had put my husband on a pedestal, expected him to be my white knight, and we both fell hard when that fantasy collapsed.

Taking ownership doesn't mean your partner gets to do whatever they want without consideration for your feelings. It simply means you stop making them responsible for your emotional regulation.

Real-World Application: When Your Partner Goes Out With Friends

Let's see how this trifecta works in real life. Say your boyfriend is going on a guys' trip, and even though he's never given you a reason not to trust him, you're feeling knots in your stomach.

With our vulnerability trifecta approach:

1. You acknowledge: "Oof, this separation feels scary to me. I'm feeling anxious about him being away."
2. You reflect: "I notice this happens whenever we're apart. This probably connects to my fear of abandonment."
3. You take ownership: "My anxiety is coming from my own insecurities, not his behavior. He deserves to enjoy time with friends, and I deserve to enjoy my time too."

This approach doesn't instantly erase your anxiety, but it stops the spiral in its tracks. Instead of hours or days of overthinking, you move through the trigger with awareness and self-compassion.

And here's the really good news: the more you practice this trifecta, the less grip these triggers will have on you over time.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Practice identifying when you're acting from your wound vs. when you're acting from vulnerability
2. Create your own "Oof, that hurt" awareness practice for the next time a trigger hits
3. Start a reflection journal to notice patterns in your triggers without judgment
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang for support from other girlies on this same journey

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:00] Introduction to the instant fix for anxious attachment triggers
• [0:53] Setting realistic expectations for healing—it takes time and practice
• [1:47] Why high-achievers often struggle with messy healing processes
• [2:42] Who Claire works with—high-performing, anxious girlies in relationships with good people
• [5:05] Claire shares her personal journey with shame, control, and healing
• [7:01] The concept of acting from our wound versus acting from vulnerability
• [9:30] The "walk it off" wound response and how it manifests in relationships
• [12:04] The vulnerability solution: allowing yourself to feel the hurt
• [14:04] How to reflect through the lens of love instead of criticism
• [15:29] Taking radical ownership of your feelings and healing

Related Posts You'll Love:

• From Anxious to Engaged: How My Clients Found Secure Love
• When You Want More Effort From Your Partner (But It's Actually About You)
• Feeling Like You're Doing All the Work in Your Relationship? Here's Why
• Stopping the Systemic Self Sabotage and Relationship Anxiety
• How to feel Secure in your Anxious with an Avoidant Relationship Valentine's Edition!

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫