Are you constantly second-guessing yourself in relationships? Saying yes when you mean no, checking all the boxes but still feeling exhausted? Girl, you might be performing self-trust instead of actually building it—and I'm here to help you break the cycle! 💕

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Why High-Achieving Women Struggle With Self-Trust

Let me paint you a picture that might sound familiar, gorgeous. You're absolutely crushing it at work—you're the go-to person, the one who gets stuff done, maybe even the CEO or director everyone looks up to. But when it comes to your relationship? You're constantly overthinking, needing reassurance, and wondering if they actually like you (even when they just told you they love you). 🙈

Here's what I've learned from working with countless high-achieving women: we can trust ourselves in every area EXCEPT our relationships. And there's a very specific reason why.

When you've built your identity around being the reliable one, the achiever, the person who never lets anyone down, you've unknowingly created a pattern of self-abandonment. You've gotten so good at meeting everyone else's needs that you've lost touch with your own.

The Difference Between Performing Self-Trust and Actually Building It

This is where it gets sneaky, boo. I had a client who was telling me about all the "self-trust" activities she was doing—bike rides, girls' trips, pottery classes. It sounded perfect, right? But when I asked her how she felt after doing these things, she said: "Exhausted." 😮‍💨

That was the tell. If you're doing all the "right" things but still feeling worn out, you're probably performing self-trust rather than building it.

Here's how to spot the difference:

Performing self-trust feels like:

• Checking items off a list
• Being attached to specific outcomes
• Feeling tired after your "self-care"
• Doing things because you "should"

Building authentic self-trust feels like:

• Nourishing yourself from the inside out
• Being present with what you actually need
• Feeling energized and aligned
• Acting from genuine desire, not obligation

The Gym Girly Trap (And Other Ways We Self-Abandon)

Let me call out some patterns that might be hitting a little too close to home. Are you the gym girly who's obsessed with hitting your numbers? The career woman who can't say no to extra projects? The friend who always plans the group activities because you "can't stand not being busy"? 🤔

I see you, and I love you, but we need to talk about how these patterns might actually be eroding your self-trust:

• Gym/Fitness: When you're so focused on metrics (how many reps, what weight, holding that plank for exactly 60 seconds) that you ignore what your body is actually telling you
• Career: Staying late, taking on extra projects, being the "yes person" because you're afraid something bad will happen if you set boundaries
• Girl Time: Filling your calendar with social activities not because you want connection, but because you're scared of being alone with yourself
• "Me Time": Doing hobbies or activities because you feel guilty for not being busy, not because they actually bring you joy

The question to ask yourself is: Am I doing this TO myself or FOR myself? 💭

Why You Feel Tired All the Time (It's Not What You Think)

If you're constantly exhausted despite doing "all the right things," it's because you're running on external validation instead of internal alignment. When we're performing self-trust, we're still seeking approval—just in a more subtle way.

I used to pack my calendar with yoga classes, sound baths, and all the "secure person" activities I thought I should be doing. But I was doing them because I thought that's what a healed person would do, not because I actually wanted to do them.

True self-trust is an inner game, gorgeous. It's about tuning into what you actually need in the moment and honoring that, even if it doesn't look like what you think it "should" look like.

The Self-Abandonment Cycle That Keeps You Stuck

Here's how the cycle works: You abandon yourself → You feel disconnected from your needs → You seek external validation → You perform "self-trust" activities → You feel exhausted → You abandon yourself again. Round and round we go! 🌀

Breaking this cycle requires radical honesty about your motivations. Before you do anything, ask yourself:

• Am I doing this because I genuinely want to?
• What outcome am I attached to?
• How do I want to feel after this?
• What does my body actually need right now?

How to Actually Build Self-Trust (The Real Way)

Building authentic self-trust isn't about doing more—it's about being more present with yourself. Here's how to start:

Start with micro-choices. Instead of planning your entire "self-trust routine," just ask yourself in each moment: What do I need right now? Maybe it's a walk, maybe it's rest, maybe it's calling a friend. Honor whatever comes up without judgment.

Focus on alignment, not achievement. If you go for a walk, don't worry about how fast or how far. Just be present with the experience. Notice the clouds, feel the sun, let your mind wander. This is nourishment, not another task to complete.

Practice saying no to good things. This is HUGE for high-achievers. Start declining invitations or opportunities that feel like "shoulds" instead of "wants." Your self-trust muscle grows every time you choose authenticity over external approval. ✨

The Dating Question That Reveals Everything

I love the question that came through my Healing Girl Gang mailbox from Rachel about dating multiple people. Her reaction to hearing that her second-date guy was seeing other people revealed so much about self-trust!

Here's the thing: When we don't trust ourselves, we make everything about competition and scarcity. Rachel was immediately comparing herself to other women she didn't even know and making up stories about what she needed to "work on" to "win" him.

But what if there's nothing to do? What if you could just be present and see if you actually enjoy this person's company instead of trying to be chosen? That's what self-trust looks like in dating—trusting the process instead of trying to control the outcome.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Start paying attention to your motivations - Before doing any "self-care" activity, ask yourself if you're doing it TO yourself or FOR yourself
2. Practice micro-choices throughout the day - What do you need in this moment? Honor whatever comes up without judgment
3. Begin saying no to "good" things - Decline one invitation or opportunity this week that feels like a "should" instead of a "want"
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang - Connect with other high-achieving women who are learning to trust themselves in relationships

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:05] Why high-achieving women struggle with self-trust despite being successful everywhere else
• [6:02] The difference between performing self-trust and actually building it
• [9:05] How gym culture can actually erode your self-trust when you're outcome-focused
• [13:02] The "doing yoga TO yourself vs FOR yourself" revelation that changes everything
• [16:50] Why building self-trust is an inner game, not an external checklist
• [19:53] Breaking down Rachel's dating question and what it reveals about self-trust
• [25:03] The competitive mindset that blocks authentic connection and self-trust

Related Posts You'll Love:

• How to FEEL more SECURE in Your Relationship (for overachieving women)
• 4 Anxious Attachment Mistakes High-Achievers Make (And How to Fix Them)
• How To Stop Needing Constant Reassurance in Your Relationship
• How to feel Secure in your Anxious with an Avoidant Relationship Valentine's Edition!

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫