JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG

 Are you constantly questioning yourself after a disagreement with your partner? Do you find yourself wondering if you're being irrational or if your concerns are totally valid? Girl, you're caught in the "am I triggered or am I right" loop—and I'm here to help you sort through it once and for all! 💕

Ready to Ditch the Relationship Anxiety For Good?

Honey, if you're DONE with the constant overthinking and ready to feel secure AF in your relationships, I've got you covered! Check out these game-changing resources:

💖 Healing Girl Gang: Your new sisterhood of support - JOIN NOW

💥 The Confidence Code: My signature program to heal anxious attachment from the inside out - TRANSFORM YOUR LOVE LIFE

🚀 Self-Sabotage Slay-Over: Stop getting in your own way - CLAIM YOUR POWER

💎 VIP 1:1 Coaching: Personalized support just for you - BOOK YOUR SESSION

Let's Keep This Healing Party Going! 🎉

• 📺 YouTube: Subscribe for Weekly Inspo
• 📸 Instagram: Join the Healing Fam
• 🎥 TikTok: More Healing Goodness

Your most secure, confident self is waiting. Let's make it happen, boo! 💜

The Confusion of "Am I Triggered or Am I Right?"

We've all been there—that moment of complete confusion when you can't tell if your reaction is coming from a valid place or if it's just your anxiety talking. This question has definitely come up for me on more than one occasion, and I know it's something my clients struggle with constantly. 🙈

When you're in that space of uncertainty, going back and forth between "Is this just my trigger?" and "No, I'm definitely right about this!" it can feel impossible to get clarity. It's like your emotions and your logic are playing tug-of-war, and you're caught in the middle trying to figure out which side to trust.

The truth is, this confusion is completely normal for anyone with an anxious attachment style. But staying stuck in this loop can seriously damage your relationship over time. So let's dive into what's really happening and how to get some clarity!

Why Triggers Don't Just "Go Away"

Here's the thing most of us get wrong about triggers (and trust me, I learned this the hard way): triggers don't just magically disappear after a disagreement ends. 🤯

Many of us make the mistake of thinking, "Well, we stopped fighting, so everything must be fine now!" But that's not how triggers work at all. When the argument ends and things seem peaceful again, your trigger isn't gone—it's just dormant.

This is why you might notice patterns in your relationship—maybe you have the same fight every Monday, or bi-weekly, or you manage to keep it together for a whole month until suddenly everything blows up. That's not a coincidence—that's one of your unaddressed triggers lying dormant until the next time it gets activated.

What we don't repair, we repeat. This is the critical understanding you need before we can even begin to distinguish between being triggered and being right.

The Confirmation Bias Trap

When we're caught in the "am I triggered or am I right" dilemma, most of us default to what I call "collecting your journey." This is when you go around to your girlfriends, family members, or even strangers online looking for validation that your feelings are justified. ✨

But here's what's actually happening: you're engaging in confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is when we look for and interpret information in a way that confirms our existing beliefs. If you believe deep down that "people always leave me," guess what? You're going to find evidence to support that belief, even if it means creating situations that push people away.

The problem with seeking validation from others is that you're getting information that's either:

• Flawed (because they have their own wounds and triggers)
• Incomplete (because they don't know the full context of your relationship)

And when you hear someone say, "Yeah, you're totally right!" what you're really getting is confirmation bias, not objective truth. This doesn't actually help you resolve anything—it just keeps you spinning in that anxiety cycle.

How Your Reasoning Gets Skewed When Triggered

Another important thing to understand is that when you're triggered, your reasoning abilities get seriously compromised. 🧠

When your nervous system is in high alert (which is what being "triggered" means), your emotional system, intellectual system, and basically your whole body goes into protection mode. In this state, it's almost impossible to think clearly or objectively.

Here's the hard truth that I say with so much love: a strong feeling does not make something true. I might absolutely love the queso from my favorite spot around the corner, but that doesn't make it the best in Denver!

Feelings aren't facts—they're temporary, they fluctuate, and they can be heavily influenced by past wounds and current fears. But when we're feeling something strongly, we tend to believe it must be true. And that conviction can make us double down on our position, even if objectively we might be overreacting.

Cognitive and Emotional Rigidity: The Real Culprit

The last piece of this puzzle is understanding cognitive and emotional rigidity—which is often the underlying issue when we can't tell if we're triggered or right. 👑

Think of it this way: we all have a certain baseline for what sets us off. For someone with more emotional flexibility, small things like a delayed text response might not be a big deal. But for someone with more rigid thinking, that same delayed response could trigger hours of anxiety and overthinking.

When our cognitive and emotional baseline is very narrow, small things feel like big threats. Not hearing from your partner for a few hours, noticing changes in their tone of voice, even watching how they're doing everyday tasks—all of these can become evidence that something is wrong.

This rigidity takes away our ability to see multiple perspectives and appreciate nuance—which are absolutely essential for healthy relationships. Relationships are multi-dimensional and multifaceted. There is no simple way to understand them, and when we're stuck in rigid thinking, we miss out on the complexity and beauty of true connection.

Tools to Break the Cycle and Find Clarity

So how do you actually determine if you're triggered or right? It starts with expanding your awareness and building new tools. 🛠️

To work through confirmation bias, improve your reasoning, and expand your cognitive and emotional rigidity, you need specific tools designed for anxious attachment. Generic advice like "just communicate better" or "trust more" isn't going to cut it—you need approaches tailored to your specific attachment style.

Who you are BEING in these moments matters more than what you're DOING. Your sense of identity, how you see yourself, and who you think you are when facing relationship challenges completely determines how you'll respond.

When you have the right tools and processes to understand yourself, your sense of threat and hypersensitivity naturally decreases. You can choose to act in ways aligned with who you want to be rather than reacting from triggers. Your defense mechanisms start to dismantle because you finally understand what's happening beneath the surface.

What helps me personally when I'm in that trigger/right confusion? Taking care of my triggers proactively—through moisturizer in dry Denver air, decision-minimizing clothing choices to reduce decision fatigue, and organic beeswax candles that calm my nervous system. These small but meaningful acts of self-care help me maintain a more regulated baseline, which makes it easier to distinguish between triggers and legitimate concerns.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Start tracking your triggers to identify patterns and see if there's a cycle to when you feel most anxious in your relationship
2. Question your confirmation bias by asking "What's the source?" when you seek validation from others
3. Practice expanding your emotional flexibility through small daily challenges that push your comfort zone
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang to get specific tools for working with your anxious attachment style

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:00] Welcome to the "Am I Triggered or Am I Right" episode and why this question matters
• [0:48] Introduction and who this podcast is for—high-performing anxious girlies
• [2:58] Claire shares about landing back in Denver after 3 years of digital nomad life
• [6:38] The common misunderstanding about triggers—they don't just go away
• [9:24] Understanding confirmation bias in relationships when we're triggered
• [12:12] Why strong feelings don't equal facts—emotional reasoning explained
• [14:17] How cognitive and emotional rigidity affects our perception in relationships

Related Posts You'll Love:

• How to FEEL more SECURE in Your Relationship (for overachieving women)
• The Instant Fix for Anxious Attachment Triggers (That Actually Works)
• Spot Hyper Independence Triggers in Your Relationship
• 4 Anxious Attachment Mistakes High-Achievers Make (And How to Fix Them)
• From Anxious to Engaged: How My Clients Found Secure Love

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫