Are you spiraling every time your partner goes out of town? Analyzing every text when you're long distance? Feeling emotionally distant even when you're in the same room? Girl, your anxious attachment is making you feel insecure when you're apart—and I'm here to help you create that stability you're craving! 💕

Ready to Ditch the Relationship Anxiety For Good?

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Why Distance Triggers Your Anxious Attachment

Hey gorgeous! 👋🏽 If you're listening to this episode, you're probably dealing with some form of distance in your relationship—whether that's physical distance (like long distance or they're going out of town), or emotional distance (maybe you had a fight and things feel off).

Let me tell you, I GET IT. There literally isn't one thing you could tell me about anxious attachment that I haven't done myself. I've been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt! 🙈

When my husband and I first started dating, we lived about 75 minutes apart (Denver to Boulder—if you know, you KNOW that drive!). I had SO much experience with feeling that distance and all the anxiety that comes with it. And looking back? I'm actually grateful for that time apart because it taught me something crucial.

Distance naturally slows things down—and that's actually a blessing in disguise. When you have anxious attachment, you want everything to move FAST. First date, when's the second? Second date, when are we official? But that distance forced us to take our time, and it allowed us to get closer because we weren't rushing.

The Toxic Pattern That Keeps You Feeling Insecure

Here's where I used to mess up BIG TIME: I would put all my focus and energy on the guy. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm talking about going to his house all the time, getting involved in his community, his friends becoming my friends—I basically centered my whole life around that person and the relationship. And what happened? I lost myself.

When we start losing ourselves and our energy is going outward, it's totally normal to start feeling wobbly, drained, and unsure. That was a really bad habit that taught me some hard lessons.

But here's what that distance with my now-husband taught me: how to maintain a sense of love and connection even when we weren't seeing each other every day. It really showed me how to hold myself, build self-trust, and hold my emotions (that doesn't mean I didn't communicate them—that's been a whole process too!).

Building Your Stability Muscle When You're Apart

Learning to feel secure when you're apart is about developing trust that you're going to see them again and that the next good thing is around the corner. ✨

It's natural for our brains to focus on the gap—what's not there—especially if we have a history of instability or reactivity in past relationships. But building that muscle of feeling stable and secure when you're not together takes diving into the subconscious work.

I learned how to create stability during that natural ebb and flow of distance in our relationship. And let me tell you, it took me a long time to figure this out on my own! But when you have the right tools and support, it happens much faster.

The simple tools I used had to do with:

• Building my sense of self
• Creating a healthy relationship with my emotions
• Developing awareness of what was conscious for me
• Learning to hold myself emotionally

These tools are simple but they're not always easy. That's why getting support accelerated everything for me.

The Power of Choosing Yourself First

One of my community members, Kristen, asked this incredible question: "How do I shift my focus to myself? I want to have main character energy and embrace myself first. I feel like I need an elastic on my wrist to snap every time I think of him first!"

Girl, I FELT this question! 💕 And here's my answer: It's a choice.

Just like "being ready" isn't a feeling—it's a choice—shifting your focus to yourself is also a choice. You don't have to wait for some internal feeling to tell you you're ready to focus on yourself.

I'll give you a real example: When my husband and I were dating, I made a conscious choice to do a 500-hour yoga teacher training. This meant spending three days away on weekends when we would normally see each other. It felt really edgy to make this decision, but I consciously chose to focus on myself.

Every time I've focused on myself and made that clear decision, it's paid off. I was able to stretch and grow that trust in myself and that belief that I'm going to be okay no matter what.

Using Your Wisdom to Choose Differently

Here's the thing about shifting focus to yourself: you have to use your wisdom. Wisdom is gained from past experience so you can look back and choose differently.

I had learned from past mistakes where I centered everything around the guy. So when it came to this yoga training opportunity, I made a conscious choice for myself, trusting that if my relationship was meant to be, it would withstand me focusing on my own growth.

And guess what? Not only do I have my 500-hour yoga teacher training, but I also have an amazing husband! 🤩 Focusing on yourself and making that clear decision always pays off.

Creating Safety from Within

The real work of feeling secure when you're apart is about creating that sense of safety and stability from within yourself. When you're constantly looking outward for reassurance and validation, you'll always feel shaky.

But when you learn to hold yourself, trust yourself, and create your own sense of stability, you can weather any distance—physical or emotional. You can sit with "I'll see them on Wednesday" and know that you can hold yourself until then.

This isn't about becoming completely independent or not needing connection. It's about building your own foundation so strong that temporary distance doesn't shake you to your core.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Make the conscious choice to focus on yourself - Don't wait for the "right feeling," just decide and start taking actions that center your own growth and interests.
2. Build your self-trust through small promises - Start keeping commitments to yourself, whether it's a morning routine, a hobby, or setting boundaries.
3. Practice holding yourself emotionally - When you feel that distance anxiety, instead of immediately reaching for reassurance, sit with the feeling and remind yourself you can handle it.
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang for support from other girlies who understand exactly what you're going through 👯‍♀️

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:04] Who this episode is really for - long distance, travel, or emotional distance
• [2:12] Why Claire gets anxious attachment (spoiler: she's done it all!)
• [3:43] The blessing of living apart while dating
• [5:29] The toxic pattern of losing yourself in relationships
• [7:05] How distance taught her to maintain love and connection
• [10:18] Kristen's question about shifting focus to yourself
• [11:31] Why shifting focus is a choice, not a feeling
• [13:03] The yoga teacher training story and choosing yourself

Related Posts You'll Love:

• How to build self-trust (after a lifetime of self-abandonment)
• How to feel Secure in your Anxious with an Avoidant Relationship Valentine's Edition!
• How To Stop Needing Constant Reassurance in Your Relationship
• Stop Anxious Attachment to Live Your Best Life

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫