Are you constantly wondering if your relationship will survive? Spending sleepless nights analyzing every interaction with your avoidant partner? Girl, I see you—and I'm here to give you the clarity you've been desperately seeking! 💕

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Are They Willing to Show Up for You?

The first sign that your anxious-avoidant relationship has serious potential is willingness. But here's the thing, gorgeous—this doesn't mean they show up exactly how you want them to or on your timeline! 🙈

When I think about my husband Craig (yes, we made it work!), he's always been willing to show up for me. He's a Capricorn earth sign, which means he's like a barge—steady but takes time to change direction. Meanwhile, I'm a fire sign who wants answers RIGHT NOW and can literally burn things down when I'm triggered.

The key is recognizing that willingness looks different for everyone. Craig couldn't give me immediate answers like I desperately wanted, but he always came back to me with where he was at. He learned to get clear and communicate, while I learned patience (not my natural state, trust me!).

Look for these signs of willingness in your partner:

• They consistently show up, even if it's at their own pace
• They're open to conversations about the relationship
• They make efforts to understand your perspective
• They don't shut down completely when things get intense

Remember, boo—they can be willing AND have their own process. Your job isn't to change their timeline; it's to recognize genuine effort when you see it! ✨

The Real Question: Are YOU Actually Willing?

Here comes the tough love moment, and I'm saying this while holding your hand: Are you truly willing to do the work, or are you just talking about it?

I see this ALL the time with my clients and followers. There's a lot of talk about healing, a lot of saving Instagram posts about anxious attachment, but not a lot of actual walking the walk. 👑

I used to be the same way! I read books about attachment styles and thought I understood everything logically. But knowing something intellectually is completely different from taking action and actually experiencing change.

Real willingness looks like:

• Doing the daily practices, not just talking about them
• Taking experiential action, not just consuming content
• Showing up for yourself consistently, even when it's hard
• Being honest about your patterns instead of just blaming them

You can want a "bombshell body" all you want, but are you actually going to the gym? You can want them to be different, but what are YOU doing to be different?

When I work with my one-on-one clients, we do experiential exercises where you're not just talking about change—you're actively creating it. Because gorgeous, information without application is just entertainment.

Can You See the Forest Through the Trees?

The third sign your relationship will work is your ability to zoom out and see the overall picture instead of getting hyperfocused on every little thing that goes "wrong."

Fear makes us laser-focused on problems. It's like getting a pimple and standing in the mirror picking at it instead of stepping back and seeing your whole beautiful face! 🤩

When you're operating from fear, you might obsess over:

• That one Valentine's Day when they didn't do anything special
• The fact that they didn't text back for three hours
• How their energy felt slightly different last Tuesday

But here's what I know from my own relationship and working with clients: the couples who can see their relationship as a whole are the ones who make it.

This doesn't mean ignoring red flags or settling for crumbs. It means being able to distinguish between legitimate concerns and anxiety-driven nitpicking. When you can step back and see the broader pattern of love, respect, and growth, you're in a much healthier headspace.

Ask yourself: When you look at the overall arc of your relationship, what do you see? Growth? Consistency? Genuine care? Or are you so focused on the daily fluctuations that you can't see the bigger picture?

Why Your Attachment Styles Actually Work Together

Here's something most people don't talk about: anxious and avoidant attachment styles can create incredible growth when both people are willing to do the work.

Craig and I were stuck in that classic cycle for the first two years. Something small would happen, I'd get anxious and spiral, he'd retreat to his cave, and round and round we'd go. It was exhausting! 😮‍💨

But what changed everything was when we both took radical self-responsibility. I stopped trying to change him and started looking at my own patterns. He stopped withdrawing and started communicating his needs clearly.

The magic happened when we realized our differences could actually complement each other:

• His steadiness helped ground my fire energy
• My emotional awareness helped him connect with his feelings
• His need for space taught me patience and independence
• My desire for connection helped him open up safely

We both had to be willing to grow, and we both had to respect each other's timelines. That's what made the difference between staying stuck in the anxious-avoidant trap and creating something beautiful together.

The Self-Love Foundation That Changes Everything

Here's what most people miss when they're trying to "fix" their anxious-avoidant relationship: it all comes down to your relationship with yourself.

You're not actually scared of being abandoned—you're scared of how you'll feel after that happens. You're terrified of not being able to handle those emotions, of falling apart, of not being okay on your own.

This is why building your self-love muscle is everything. When you have a strong foundation of self-compassion, self-trust, and inner security, you're not constantly operating from a place of fear in your relationship.

Most of us are running 95% of our day from fear-based thoughts and actions. We're so used to it that we don't even realize it! But when you start to understand your fears, face them head-on, and build that inner loving relationship with yourself, everything shifts.

Your partner's need for space doesn't trigger you because you know you're okay on your own. Their different communication style doesn't threaten you because you trust in your own worth. Their timeline doesn't freak you out because you're secure in your own value.

This work is deeply personal and unique to each person—like a fingerprint. Your love language, your triggers, your healing journey—it's all uniquely yours. But the foundation is the same: radical self-love and acceptance.

Moving From Fear to Love in Your Relationship

The ultimate goal isn't to eliminate all relationship challenges—it's to shift from operating from fear to operating from love.

When you're coming from fear, you:

• Analyze every text message for hidden meaning
• Need constant reassurance that they still love you
• Try to control outcomes and timelines
• Make decisions based on worst-case scenarios

When you're coming from love, you:

• Trust the process and timing of your relationship
• Believe them when they tell you how they feel
• Give them space to be themselves without taking it personally
• Make decisions from a place of abundance, not scarcity

This shift doesn't happen overnight, boo. It takes practice, support, and a willingness to keep choosing love over fear, even when your anxious mind is screaming at you to panic! 💕

The beautiful thing about anxious-avoidant relationships is that they force both people to grow in ways they never would on their own. Your anxious attachment pushes your avoidant partner to communicate and connect more deeply. Their avoidant tendencies push you to develop independence and self-soothing skills.

When both people are committed to the growth, magic happens. ✨

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Assess both your willingness and theirs honestly - Are you both actually taking action toward growth, or just talking about it?
2. Practice zooming out when anxiety hits - Before spiraling over one incident, ask yourself: "What does the overall pattern of our relationship look like?"
3. Focus on your self-love foundation daily - Build that inner security so you're not constantly seeking external validation
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang for ongoing support - Surround yourself with other amazing women on similar healing journeys

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:04] Introduction to the three signs your anxious-avoidant relationship will work
• [11:22] First sign: Are they willing to show up for you (even on their timeline)?
• [13:40] Second sign: Are you actually willing to do the work beyond just talking about it?
• [17:40] Third sign: Can you see the overall picture instead of hyperfocusing on problems?
• [20:18] How to approach your relationship from love instead of fear
• [23:28] Why self-love is the foundation that changes everything
• [25:48] Final thoughts on creating secure love in anxious-avoidant relationships

Related Posts You'll Love:

• How to feel Secure in your Anxious with an Avoidant Relationship Valentine's Edition!
• 4 Anxious Attachment Mistakes High-Achievers Make (And How to Fix Them)
• How To Stop Needing Constant Reassurance in Your Relationship
• 3 Reasons Your Anxious Attachment Isn't Healing

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫