Are you stuck on the anxious attachment hamster wheel, overthinking every text and spiraling when they don't respond right away? When that familiar trigger hits and your mind starts racing with "what did I do wrong?" thoughts, you need these reminders to get back to your center. Girl, I've got your back with the exact tools to break free from that cycle! 💕

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Why Your Anxious Attachment Triggers Feel So Urgent (But Aren't Always True)

Here's the first thing you need to remember when that anxious attachment trigger hits: it's going to feel urgent, but that doesn't mean it's true. 🙈

I know exactly what this feels like—that moment when you don't get the text back right away and suddenly your nervous system is activated. Your body is telling you there's an emergency, but gorgeous, there's usually no actual emergency happening!

This urgency comes from your fear response taking over. Your ego and protection mechanism kicks in and says "I have to solve this NOW!" But here's what I've learned through my own healing journey and working with clients: urgency and truth are two completely different things.

When you're in that triggered state, you might find yourself doing what I call "flailing"—texting multiple times, overanalyzing every interaction, or trying to fix something that isn't actually broken. The remedy? Learning how to slow down so you can respond from a grounded, regulated place instead of reacting from fear.

If It Feels Hysteric, It's Historic (Your Past Is Showing Up)

This is one of my favorite reminders, even though I don't love the word "hysteric"—but I do love alliteration! 😅

When your anxious attachment gets triggered and it feels like your hair is on fire, like the sky is falling, or like this is the biggest deal in the world, that's usually a sign that something historic is being activated.

What I mean is this: if your current situation feels disproportionately huge, there's likely a history of feeling like something really big was at stake. Maybe in your past, the cost of getting it wrong felt enormous, or the stakes felt life-or-death.

I can so relate to those moments where I'd rather have the earth swallow me up than deal with the feeling of getting it wrong or losing someone. If that resonates with you, it's an indicator that your body is remembering something from your past that felt similarly threatening.

Your feelings are totally valid, boo, but your behaviors and reactions might not be matching what's actually happening in the present moment. This is why understanding your triggers is so important—it helps you separate what's happening now from what happened then.

You Cannot Out-Logic Your Nervous System (And That's Okay!)

This one's going to be tough for my smart, high-achieving girlies to hear, but you need to know: you cannot out-logic your nervous system. 💕

If you're someone with letters behind your name, or you're climbing the corporate ladder, or you've built successful businesses, this is probably the most frustrating piece of healing anxious attachment. You're smart, you understand the psychology, you could probably give me a textbook explanation of why you're doing what you're doing.

But knowing why you have an abandonment wound doesn't automatically heal it.

Here's what's happening: your body is basically a bag of memories and hormones. When you have this tendency to react disproportionately to what's happening in your relationship, there's a history literally stored in your body. It doesn't matter what you intellectually know about attachment theory—your nervous system is running on old programming.

This is why I use a holistic approach in my work. Your mind is only one part of the body-mind-spirit connection. They all need to work together like a symphony. If one instrument is out of tune, the whole thing sounds off.

The Connection Between Your Gut Health and Relationship Anxiety

I've been doing a gut reset for the past few weeks, and let me tell you—the difference in my overall anxiety and how I show up in my relationship has been incredible! ✨

There's actual science showing the connection between your gut and your brain. You know that saying about feeling something "in your gut"? Turns out there's literally a nerve that connects straight from your gut to your brain.

When you don't get that text right away and you feel a pit in your stomach, that's not just a figure of speech—it's your body responding to stress. I've noticed such an obvious connection between healing my gut and feeling more regulated in my relationship.

The more we learn about our nervous system and how our bodies work, the more we understand that everything is connected. Your physical health, your mental state, and your relationship patterns are all influencing each other.

Moving From Reactive to Responsive in Your Relationships

When your anxious attachment gets triggered, you have two choices: react or respond. The difference? Responding comes from a regulated nervous system.

When you're dysregulated, you can't see situations clearly, think rationally, or act in ways that actually help your relationship. You're in survival mode, not connection mode.

But when you learn to regulate your nervous system first, you can create more closeness and intimacy instead of accidentally pushing your partner away. Some simple ways to get back to regulation:

• Spend time in sunshine ☀️
• Walk outside without distractions
• Move your body in a nourishing way
• Take breaks from work during the day
• Play with a pet if you have one

These aren't just feel-good activities—they're actually healing your nervous system and helping you break the anxious attachment cycle.

Understanding Your Personal Anxious Attachment Triggers

Your anxious attachment can get triggered in different areas, and it's helpful to understand your specific patterns:

Communication triggers might look like feeling misunderstood or not seeing eye to eye with your partner. Self-sabotage triggers might show up as starting fights or picking unnecessary battles. Distance triggers happen when your partner feels emotionally or physically distant.

The key is recognizing that your trigger is going to feel urgent, but urgency doesn't equal truth. Your fear response is telling you there's an emergency when there usually isn't one.

What helps is learning to slow down in these moments. Instead of immediately trying to fix or control the situation, you can learn to self-soothe and connect with your partner from a more grounded place.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Practice identifying when urgency hits and remind yourself that urgent doesn't mean true
2. Get curious about what feels "historic" when your triggers fire up—what from your past might be getting activated?
3. Focus on nervous system regulation before trying to solve relationship problems
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang for ongoing support and community with other girlies on the same journey

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:00] Welcome to the Be That Healing Girl podcast and today's topic
• [0:10] Signs your anxious attachment is triggered and you're on the hamster wheel
• [1:07] Introduction to Claire and who this podcast is for
• [5:28] The three main reminders for when your anxious attachment is triggered
• [8:32] Why triggers feel urgent but aren't necessarily true
• [11:02] If it feels hysteric, it's historic—understanding your past patterns
• [16:10] You cannot out-logic your nervous system and why that matters
• [21:18] Shannon's question about making up scenarios and self-sabotage

Related Posts You'll Love:

• The Instant Fix for Anxious Attachment Triggers (That Actually Works)
• Am I Triggered or Am I Right? And How to Tell the difference!
• 4 Anxious Attachment Mistakes High-Achievers Make (And How to Fix Them)
• 3 Reasons Your Anxious Attachment Isn't Healing

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫