How to Break Free From the Overthinking Loop For Good
Aug 17, 2025Are you spiraling every time your partner seems a little distant? Does your brain go into overdrive analyzing every text, every mood change, every little shift in energy? Girl, you're stuck in the overthinking loop—and I'm here to help you break free for good! ๐
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Why You Can't Just "Stop" Overthinking (The Truth No One Tells You)
Hey gorgeous! ๐๐ฝ If you're reading this, chances are you've tried everything to stop the mental spiral. You've probably told yourself to "just chill," put your phone in another room, or distracted yourself with Netflix. But here's the thing—overthinking isn't actually about control.
When I look at my clients in the Healing Girl Gang, there's one hard reality we have to face: overthinking is your brain's attempt to outthink fear. And honey, you cannot outthink a feeling! ๐
Think about it—have you ever gotten a jump scare from a horror movie and then spent the night thinking "there's vampires in the house"? That's your feelings triggering thoughts, not the other way around. Fear is a feeling, and feelings live in your body, not your head.
The Real Reason High-Achievers Get Stuck in Overthinking Spirals
If you're crushing it in your career but spiraling in your relationship, there's a specific reason why. As high-achieving women, we have strong muscles in getting things done—we're dedicated, we study, we show up. But here's what's missing: the capacity to hold ourselves emotionally.
I was working with a client yesterday (wicked smart, total high-achiever), and what we discovered is that she doesn't have the inner scaffolding to process her emotions. Think of it like this—if you didn't have bones, you'd just be a bag of meat, right? We need structure! ๐ช
You might be able to lift crazy amounts at the gym, but if you don't have lung capacity, you'll still struggle. It's not a capability thing—it's a capacity thing. Your ability to hold yourself, to self-soothe, to be with uncertainty without spiraling—that's what we need to build.
My Personal Overthinking Nightmare (And What It Taught Me)
Let me get real with you for a hot second. My husband Craig used to be a teacher, and when he'd come home from those stressful days, he had this ritual. He'd literally rip his shirt off (sexy, right? But not when you're overthinking! ๐คฃ), and he needed to get unraveled—put his things away, get changed, decompress.
This used to drive me absolutely insane. I'd be so excited to see him, ready to welcome him home, and he'd be in this flurry just trying to get his stuff together. My brain would immediately go: "Is it me? Is he angry? Did I do something wrong?"
Looking back, I was really just trying to figure things out because I was scared. What if he's mad at me? What if something's off? I understand that spiral from a deep, deep place, and it's taken a lot of practice to work through it. โจ
The Three Hard Truths About Breaking the Overthinking Loop
Alright babe, time for some tough love. If you want to get out of this loop for good, you need to face these three realities:
Truth #1: You Have to Notice in the Moment You wouldn't believe how many people feel completely out of control with their spiraling. Something feels off with their partner, and boom—they're on the ride. The pivotal moment is recognizing it's happening. It's like the fork in the road where you can either get on the Disney ride or say, "Actually, I'm feeling woozy and need to sit down."
Most of you don't have awareness around it. You're just reacting because it's familiar. But noticing is your superpower. ๐
Truth #2: Accept That It's a Reflex Stop making yourself wrong for overthinking! "Oh, I'm spiraling again. Why am I doing this? I should know better. What's wrong with me?" Any thoughts that are pushing and rejecting that part of you will make this harder.
Here's the hard truth: overthinking is a safety mechanism. You developed this to keep yourself safe. Accepting that this is something you do—not resignedly, but with understanding—is huge.
Truth #3: You Must Retrain Your System This isn't just mental, gorgeous. You have a biological nervous system response—fight or flight. You're literally fighting in your own mind or checking out. You have to retrain your system AND your actions.
Just like going to the gym after years away, you don't start with the heaviest weight. You start light, learn the movement, maybe watch some tutorials. Retraining takes practice, patience, and the right system. ๐
Why Control Makes Overthinking Worse (Plot Twist!)
Here's something that might blow your mind: trying to control your overthinking actually makes it worse. It's like having a seed and constantly poking it, overwatering it, giving it too much sun. That micromanagement doesn't help the sprout—it kills it.
When we try to control overthinking, we're missing the point entirely. Remember, it's not about control—it's about capacity. Building that inner scaffolding so you can hold yourself through uncertainty without needing to figure everything out.
Think of it like this: instead of trying to stop the waves, we're learning to surf. ๐โ๏ธ
From Spiraling to Secure: Your Next Steps
Ready to break free from this exhausting cycle? Here's exactly what you need to do:
- Start noticing your spiral triggers - Pay attention to what happens right before you go into overthinking mode. Is it when they seem distant? When they don't text back quickly? Awareness is the first step to freedom.
- Practice accepting your mechanism - When you catch yourself spiraling, try saying: "Of course I'm overthinking—my system is trying to keep me safe. Thank you, brain, but I've got this." No shame, just acknowledgment.
- Build your emotional capacity daily - This means sitting with uncertainty without immediately reaching for your phone or seeking reassurance. Start small—maybe just for 5 minutes.
- Join the Healing Girl Gang - This month in August is ALL about overthinking! We have an overthinking detox every month, plus the support of other girlies going through the same thing.
Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.
Key Moments in This Episode
- [0:05] Introduction to the three hard truths about overthinking loops
- [0:45] Why overthinking is an attempt to outthink fear (spoiler: it doesn't work!)
- [4:08] Personal story about facing abandonment fears on a solo retreat
- [8:28] Craig's post-work ritual and how it triggered massive overthinking
- [11:03] The difference between control and capacity in healing
- [13:20] The three hard truths: notice, accept, and retrain
- [17:09] Q&A with Gretchen about staying in an uncertain relationship
Related Posts You'll Love:
- Stop Overthinking in Relationships: The Ultimate Guide
- 5 Minute Pep Talk for Relationship Overthinking (Stop the Spiral!)
- Stop Overanalyzing in Your Relationship: The Real Root Cause
- How to Make the Right Relationship Decisions (Without Overthinking)
Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! ๐ซ
