Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

How to Make the Right Relationship Decisions (Without Overthinking)

anxious-attachment-healing confident-relationship-choices overthinking-relationships perfectionism-relationships relationship-anxiety-help relationship-decisions secure-attachment-tips Jul 07, 2025

Are you constantly going back and forth about your relationship? Questioning if you're making the right decision? Wondering if you should stay or go even though your partner is amazing? Girl, you're stuck in the perfectionist trap—and I'm here to help you break free from the right vs. wrong mindset! 💕

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The Truth About "Right" vs. "Wrong" Relationship Decisions

Let me start with some real talk, gorgeous: there are no right or wrong decisions in relationships. 🤯

I know, I know—your perfectionist brain is probably screaming at me right now. But hear me out!

When I was living in Virginia Beach and had to decide whether to move cross-country to Denver for a guy (yes, I did that!), I was SO caught up in making the "right" choice. I was hemming and hawing, looking at all the logistics, stressing about leaving my home state...

But my mentor gave me advice that changed everything: "You can't make a wrong decision here. If you move to Denver and don't like it, you can always come back."

The magic isn't in making the right decision—it's in making your decision right. ✨

Why Your Perfectionist Brain is Sabotaging Your Love Life

If you're a high-achieving girly who's crushing it in your career but crashing in your love life, this one's for you! 👑

Here's what's happening: you're applying your perfectionist "right vs. wrong" mentality to your relationship, and it's creating a hot mess of overthinking and analysis paralysis.

When we see our world through the lens of right and wrong, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment because life isn't black and white—it's beautifully gray. 🌈

And here's the kicker: if you're operating from that perfectionist energy, you're going to waste all your time and energy trying to make the "right" decision instead of putting that energy into making your decision work.

Ask anybody in a healthy marriage—it's HARD. But it's about choosing your person every day and making that choice right, not about finding the perfect person who never challenges you.

The Real Problem: When Everything You Do is About Your Value

One of the questions I answered was from a woman who has it ALL—career, child, hobbies, yoga, pets, church, strong faith, MBA in progress, amazing friendships, supportive family. But she was still stuck in codependency and pushing away her wonderful man.

Sound familiar? 🙈

Here's what I see happening: there's a clear connection between placing your value on what you DO and taking everything personally in your relationship.

If you only value yourself based on your achievements and doing, then of course you're going to think every decision your partner makes is about something you're doing wrong. But hunny, it's not always about you!

This is tough love delivered with SO much compassion, but sometimes your partner's decisions, moods, or actions have absolutely nothing to do with you. Learning to separate your worth from your doing is relationship game-changer material! 💕

The Hobby Trap: When Fun Becomes Another Performance

Let's talk about hobbies for a hot second because this is where perfectionism sneaks in and ruins EVERYTHING.

If you're struggling to find hobbies that bring you joy, I want you to ask yourself: are you going into hobbies for the pleasure of it, or because you have an expectation about the outcome? 🤔

Here's a perfect example: if you're doing pottery because you want to make perfect pottery, you're missing the entire point! The joy is in the process, the mess, the learning, the PLAY.

I used to buy yarn and never even start crocheting because I had so much pressure on creating this perfect, fluffy blanket. The pressure on the outcome was paralyzing me before I even began!

Now? I'm neck-deep in Sarah J. Maas fantasy novels (if you know, you know! 🧚‍♀️), and it's pure brain candy. No learning objectives, no personal growth goals—just pure entertainment and joy. And it's the BEST hobby I've had in years!

Breaking Free from the Performance Trap

Here's what I want you to understand: if you're an overachiever whose safety, love, and connection came from what you did, learning how to BE in a relationship is like learning to drive manual when you've only driven automatic. 🚗

You're literally learning a different way of operating! And just like switching from automatic to manual, you're going to be all over the place at first—and that's completely normal.

The difference is that instead of focusing on what you're doing, you need to focus on who you're being. This is everything I teach in the Healing Girl Gang—it's about your being, not your doing.

Your Relationship Anxiety Isn't About the Relationship

If you're constantly seeking reassurance, taking things personally, or feeling like you're doing all the work in your relationship, the root isn't your relationship—it's your relationship with yourself.

When you operate from a place of "I'm only worthy of love because of what I do, not who I am," you're going to create anxiety in even the most secure relationships.

The beautiful thing is that once you start healing this pattern, you stop needing constant external validation. You learn to trust yourself, your decisions, and your worth—regardless of what anyone else does or doesn't do. ✨

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Challenge your right vs. wrong thinking - Notice when you're stuck in perfectionist decision-making and remind yourself that you can make any decision work
Examine what you're taking personally - Ask yourself: "Is this really about me, or am I making it about me because I'm scared?"
Find a hobby for pure joy - Choose something with zero outcome pressure and just play!
Join the Healing Girl Gang - Get support from other girlies who are healing their anxious attachment patterns just like you

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:00] Introduction to the new Q&A format and community questions
[2:18] Beatrice's question about making right vs. wrong relationship decisions
[4:05] Claire's personal story about moving to Denver and mentor's advice
[6:49] Desiree's question about having everything together but still struggling with codependency
[8:03] Why taking everything personally is problematic in relationships
[10:29] Michelle's question about finding hobbies and not losing herself in relationships
[12:06] The perfectionist trap with hobbies and outcome expectations

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