Are you stuck in mental wrestling matches with yourself, knowing logically you shouldn't send that three-page text but feeling like you just can't help yourself? Does it feel like you're constantly at a crossroads between spiraling down the rabbit hole or stepping away from the cliff? Girl, I see you—and I'm here to help you finally break free from that exhausting overthinking cycle! 💕

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The Mental Jiu-Jitsu That's Ruining Your Peace

Let's get real about what's actually happening in your head when you're overthinking, gorgeous. You KNOW you don't want to send that novel-length text. You KNOW you don't want to pick fights over nothing. But it feels like this uncontrollable urge that you just can't shake—like chasing that rabbit down the rabbit hole! 🐰

I totally get it because I've been there too. That feeling where you logically know better, but emotionally you feel like you're going to explode if you don't say something. It's like having an itch you absolutely HAVE to scratch, even when you know it's going to make things worse.

Here's what I want you to understand: if this feels like a compulsion—like you literally cannot control yourself—this is actually a sign that we're dealing with something much deeper in your subconscious. And babe, you cannot out-will your subconscious, no matter how strong or determined you are! 💪

Don't #1: Stop Trying to Push Away the Overthinking

This might sound totally bananas, but the first thing you need to STOP doing is trying to push away your overthinking thoughts. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but here's why this backfires every single time.

When we try to push away overthinking, it's literally like someone telling you "don't think about the pink elephant." Hello! Of course you're going to think about the pink elephant! 🐘

It's also like those finger traps—you know the ones where the more you try to pull and force your way out, the tighter the trap gets? That's exactly what overthinking feels like when you're trying to wrestle with it internally. You end up feeling exhausted and spent from this constant mental battle.

Instead of getting into that mental wrestling match, we need a completely different approach.

Do #1: Feel and Go INTO Your Emotions

If you're an overachieving, Type-A, get-stuff-done kind of girly (and let's be honest, if you're here, you probably are! 🙈), there's probably not a lot of value placed on feeling in your world.

We see it everywhere in our culture—rise and grind, no pain no gain. But here's the thing: feeling is healing. Instead of trying to push away that anxiety, the first step is actually to feel it and go INTO it.

Anxiety is fundamentally about fear—specifically fear about the future. So the invitation here is to:

• Feel and acknowledge that you have this feeling of fear
• Go into the feeling instead of avoiding it
• Remember that the more you avoid something, it's like sweeping dust under the rug—it's going to explode at some point

This doesn't mean overthinking or wallowing—that's indulgence. We're talking about actually feeling the emotion in your body and being present with it.

Don't #2: Numb Out and Avoid What You're Feeling

The second thing we don't want to do is numb out. This is where a lot of people get confused because they think I'm saying "go ahead and overthink!" But that's not it at all.

Numbing for me has looked like:

• Binge-watching Netflix for hours
• Emotional eating or restricting food
• Over-exercising (running 15 miles or lifting weights obsessively)
• Endless phone scrolling
• Workaholic tendencies

Our phones are actually one of the biggest ways we numb out—we're constantly consuming images and examples of other people living life instead of actually living our own life! 📱

When we numb, we're just avoiding what actually needs to be looked at and processed. We're not giving ourselves the chance to heal.

Do #2: Sit With Your Feelings (Even When It's Uncomfortable)

I know this might sound simple, but most of us are literally never taught how to sit with and process our feelings. It's usually an easy contrast—either you're numbing or you can learn the tools to actually sit with what's coming up.

Sitting with your feelings doesn't mean suffering. It means:

• Creating space to be present with what you're experiencing
• Not rushing to fix or change the feeling immediately
• Learning to regulate your nervous system while feeling the emotion
• Building your capacity to handle discomfort without reactive behaviors

This is honestly where the magic happens in healing anxious attachment. When you can sit with your feelings without immediately trying to escape them, you start to build real emotional resilience. ✨

Don't #3: Distract Yourself and Get Busy

Another thing we don't want to do is distract ourselves by getting crazy busy. I used to be a total workaholic, and honestly, I was proud of it! I'd brag about how busy my calendar was and how much I could get done.

But this was just another form of avoidance. When we get super busy as a way to avoid our feelings, we're essentially running away from the very thing that needs our attention.

Getting busy to avoid feelings looks like:

• Overworking when you're anxious about your relationship
• Scheduling every minute of your day so you don't have time to think
• Taking on everyone else's problems to avoid your own
• Constantly planning future activities instead of being present

The pattern here is using external activity to avoid internal experience—and it never works long-term!

The Deeper Truth About Overthinking Patterns

Here's what I really want you to understand, gorgeous: if you keep finding yourself in these overthinking cycles despite knowing better, it's a sign that you're dealing with subconscious patterns that run much deeper than willpower can reach.

Your subconscious is multifaceted and multi-dimensional. It has layers upon layers, and it really takes understanding and taking apart certain pieces so that you're not constantly in a reactive state. Instead, you can actually learn how to respond from a place of choice and consciousness.

This is exactly what I teach in The Confidence Code - my step-by-step process for healing anxious attachment at the subconscious level. Because when you get to the root of these patterns, you can finally break free from that exhausting mental loop! 👑

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Practice feeling instead of fixing - Next time you notice overthinking starting, pause and ask yourself what emotion is underneath it
2. Notice your numbing patterns - Get curious about how you typically avoid uncomfortable feelings (phone scrolling, overworking, etc.)
3. Create space to sit with discomfort - Start with just 2-3 minutes of being present with whatever you're feeling without trying to change it
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang - Connect with other amazing women who are on the same journey of healing anxious attachment

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:04] Introduction to the dos and don'ts of stopping overthinking
• [3:25] Why trying to control overthinking is like a compulsion
• [5:22] The "don't think about the pink elephant" effect
• [7:14] How to feel your emotions instead of pushing them away
• [8:18] Why numbing out keeps you stuck in anxious patterns
• [10:14] Learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings
• [10:30] How getting busy becomes another form of avoidance

Related Posts You'll Love:

• 5 Minute Pep Talk for Relationship Overthinking (Stop the Spiral!)
• The Instant Fix for Anxious Attachment Triggers (That Actually Works)
• 3 Reasons Your Anxious Attachment Isn't Healing
• How To Stop Needing Constant Reassurance in Your Relationship

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫