Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

Why You Keep Fighting the Same Fight in Your Relationship

anxious-attachment-healing anxious-avoidant-cycle relationship-anxiety-triggers relationship-confidence-building relationship-fighting-cycle secure-attachment toxic-relationship-patterns Jul 18, 2025

Are you stuck in a cycle where you could literally set a timer to your relationship fights? Like, every 2-3 weeks you have the same blowout, the same arguments, the same drama on repeat? Girl, if you're nodding your head right now, this one's for you—and I'm about to spill all the tea on why this keeps happening and how to finally break free! 💕

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The Cycle That's Slowly Killing Your Relationship

Let me get real with you for a hot second, gorgeous. If you're reading this, you're probably exhausted from having the same fight over and over again. Maybe it's about communication, maybe it's about time together, or maybe it's just those little things that somehow blow up into World War III every few weeks.

I know this cycle intimately because I LIVED it. With my husband Craig, we were so predictable with our fights that we could literally set a calendar reminder. We'd have these amazing weekends together (we were long-distance, living about 75 minutes apart), and then like clockwork, Sunday or Monday would roll around and it would all explode. 🙈

The thing is, when you're in this cycle, it feels like you're going crazy. You know you're with a good person, you know they love you, but somehow you keep creating the same drama. And here's the truth bomb: it's not actually about the fight itself—it's about what's coded deep inside you that keeps creating these patterns.

Your Relationship "Source Code" Is Glitching

Think about it like this, boo—you have your own internal algorithm, just like TikTok or Instagram. Your confidence (or lack thereof) is deeply coded inside you, and that code determines how you show up in relationships.

When you keep having the same fights, it's like having a glitch in your social media app. You can try to load up this new way of being with your partner, but you keep getting the same error message because your internal code needs an update. ✨

For me, my code was programmed with some seriously messed up beliefs:

I only deserved love if I did everything "right"
I wasn't worthy unless I was achieving or performing
Love was conditional and could be taken away at any moment

So even when Craig was showing me consistent love and reassurance, my internal programming kept rejecting it because it didn't match what I believed I deserved. Sound familiar?

Why You're Picking Fights With Good People

Here's what's really happening when you're in this cycle with someone who's actually amazing for you: they're loving you for who you are, but your code doesn't believe that's possible.

This is where the rubber meets the road, gorgeous. When you have a partner who genuinely loves you for YOU—not for what you do for them, not for how perfect you are, not for how much you achieve—it can trigger the hell out of your anxious attachment system.

Your subconscious is like, "Wait, this doesn't make sense! They should only love me if I'm perfect!" So you start creating little fights and drama to test if they'll still be there. You're basically trying to prove to yourself that love is conditional, because that's what your code believes. 🤦🏽‍♀️

I pushed some really incredible guys out of my life because I was so stuck in this pattern. And let me tell you, it wasn't until I got radically honest with myself about where I was actually feeling unworthy that anything started to change.

The People-Pleasing Trap That's Sabotaging You

One of the biggest patterns I see with my clients (and definitely lived myself) is holding everything in to "keep the peace," and then exploding when it all becomes too much.

You don't want to "ruin" the good times by bringing up what's bothering you. You want to be the "chill girlfriend" who doesn't cause drama. So you stuff it down, stuff it down, stuff it down... until it all comes out as word vomit during a fight.

But here's what I learned: we repeat what we don't repair. If your code is programmed to not communicate your needs clearly, to not set boundaries with love and authority, then you'll keep cycling through the same patterns until you upgrade your internal programming.

Breaking the Cycle: It's Time for a Code Update

The first step to breaking this cycle is bringing awareness to what's actually happening underneath the surface. You need to get brutally honest with yourself about where you're feeling unworthy and how that's showing up in your relationship.

Ask yourself:

Where am I trying to earn love instead of just receiving it?
What am I afraid will happen if I stop "doing" and just start "being"?
How is my fear of abandonment creating the very thing I'm afraid of?

Remember, gorgeous, you can't outsmart your subconscious. You can know all the attachment theory in the world, but if your internal code hasn't been updated, you'll keep creating the same patterns with different people. 👑

The goal isn't to find someone who will put up with your anxious attachment—it's to heal the root of what's creating these cycles so you can show up as your most secure, confident self in love.

Your Relationship Anxiety Has an Expiration Date

I want you to know something: this cycle doesn't have to be your forever story. I went from being the girl who could set a timer to her relationship fights to being married to my best friend and feeling genuinely secure in love.

The difference? I stopped trying to manage my anxiety from the outside and started healing the internal code that was creating it. I learned to trust myself, to believe I was worthy of love just as I am, and to communicate my needs without drama or manipulation.

And if I can do it, you absolutely can too. It's not about finding the "right" person—it's about becoming the person who can receive and give love from a secure place.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Get radically honest with yourself about where you're feeling unworthy in your relationship and how that's showing up as picking fights or creating drama
Start noticing your patterns without judgment—just observe when you're in the cycle and what triggers it
Stop trying to manage your anxiety from the outside and start looking at what needs to heal on the inside
Join the Healing Girl Gang for support from other girlies who are breaking these same cycles

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:05] Introduction to the relationship fighting cycle and who this episode is for
[2:12] Claire's personal story about her predictable fight pattern with her husband
[4:42] Why the cycle keeps happening and what's really at play underneath
[7:34] The "source code" metaphor and how your internal programming affects relationships
[10:29] How holding things in to "keep the peace" actually creates more drama
[13:17] Why you're not worthy unless you "do" something and how this sabotages love
[14:35] Announcement about The Confidence Code program relaunch

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