Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

Why Loneliness Is Your Biggest Overthinking Trigger (And How to Heal It)

anxious-attachment-loneliness anxious-attachment-triggers emotional-loneliness-relationships emotional-starvation-healing loneliness-overthinking-triggers relationship-anxiety relationship-overthinking Jul 15, 2025

Are you constantly replaying conversations in your head? Scrolling through old text messages wondering if he still loves you? Feeling like you're spiraling in your own thoughts even when everything seems fine? Girl, loneliness might be the sneaky trigger behind your overthinking—and I'm here to help you heal it! 💕

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The Hidden Epidemic No One Talks About

Let's get real for a second, gorgeous. When we think about loneliness, most of us picture someone sitting alone at home with no friends or social life. But here's the plot twist that changed everything for me: there are actually two types of loneliness, and one of them is absolutely destroying your mental health and relationships.

There's social loneliness (the obvious one where you're physically isolated), and then there's emotional loneliness—where you can be surrounded by people but still feel completely disconnected and unseen. 😮‍💨

I used to think I didn't struggle with loneliness because hello, I was a cheerleader! I worked in restaurants, had a packed social calendar, and was always around people. But deep down? I felt like there was this massive wall between me and everyone else. I felt like an alien who nobody really "got."

The pandemic showed us just how deep this loneliness epidemic goes. We reached a level of isolation that humanity has never experienced before, and it's still impacting how we connect and feel secure in our relationships today.

Why Emotional Starvation Is Ruining Your Relationships

Here's the tea that nobody wants to admit: I was emotionally disconnected from myself. And when you're not connected to your own emotions, you're going to struggle in every romantic relationship, no matter how amazing your partner is.

During my twenties, I was battling a full-blown eating disorder, going back and forth between anorexia and bulimia. It was my deepest, darkest secret. I remember my college roommate catching me in an episode, and we literally never talked about it again. We were both struggling so much but felt completely alone in our pain. 🙈

The reason I was so troubled with food and my body wasn't just about external pressures—it was because I had no connection to my emotions. I didn't have healthy modeling for how to process feelings, so I numbed, avoided, and distracted myself from everything I was actually feeling.

And here's what's wild: you might be able to get by in your career and friendships with this emotional disconnection, but romantic relationships? They will expose every single unhealed part of you. Your partner becomes this mirror showing you exactly where you need to heal.

The Three Ways Loneliness Triggers Your Overthinking

Based on my own journey and what I see with my clients, loneliness impacts your mental health and relationships in three major ways:

1. It destroys your self-esteem 💔 When you're isolated and alone with your thoughts, you tend to spiral into negativity. You're not getting the right support or perspective, so you start consuming things like toxic dating advice on social media. You know the posts—"if he wanted to, he would" type content that just feeds your negative thoughts when you're already feeling low.

2. It amplifies your anxiety Loneliness can make you so anxious about people leaving (hello, abandonment issues!) that you either get clingy or develop social anxiety about actually connecting. It's like your nervous system is constantly on high alert, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

3. It disables your stress management When you're lonely, you don't have a support system to help you process life's inevitable stressors. You're basically yelling into a void when difficult things happen, which makes everything feel so much harder to handle.

The Loneliness-Overthinking Connection You Need to Understand

Your overthinking isn't just about your relationship—it's about how emotionally starved you are for connection, intimacy, and love. And here's the kicker: if you're not getting those needs met from yourself first, you're going to have trouble no matter how many relationships you have.

Think about it: when you're emotionally lonely, every little thing your partner does gets magnified. They don't text back immediately? Your brain goes into overdrive. They seem a little distant? You start creating entire stories about what it means.

This is why working on your relationship with loneliness is so crucial. You need to look at where in your life you're feeling isolated and how you can start connecting with yourself first. ✨

How to Start Healing Your Emotional Loneliness

The beautiful thing about emotional loneliness is that it's something you can actively work on. It starts with developing a healthy relationship with your own emotions and creating the internal connection you've been craving.

Some ways to begin:

Practice emotional awareness - Start noticing and naming your feelings throughout the day
Create safe spaces for feeling - Whether through journaling, therapy, or supportive friendships
Challenge the voice that says you should "get over it" - Your emotions are valid and deserve to be felt
Build community - Find people who understand your journey (like the Healing Girl Gang!)

Remember, gorgeous, healing your relationship with loneliness isn't about never being alone—it's about feeling connected to yourself so deeply that you can be present for genuine connection with others. 🤩

Why This Work Matters for Your Relationships

When you heal your emotional loneliness, everything changes. You stop looking to your partner to fill a void that only you can fill. You become more secure in yourself, which naturally creates more security in your relationships.

You'll stop overthinking every text message because you'll trust yourself and the connection you've built. You'll stop needing constant reassurance because you'll have learned to give that reassurance to yourself first.

This is the deep work that actually transforms your relationships from the inside out. It's not about finding the perfect person—it's about becoming whole within yourself so you can show up fully for love. 👑

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Take an honest look at your loneliness - Are you socially isolated, emotionally disconnected, or both?
Start connecting with your emotions daily - Even just 5 minutes of checking in with yourself makes a difference
Find your support system - Whether it's therapy, coaching, or community, you don't have to heal alone
Practice self-compassion - Healing takes time, and you're exactly where you need to be

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:05] Why anxious girlies constantly replay conversations and check old texts
[0:41] The sneaky overthinking trigger that nobody talks about
[2:35] Why loneliness became an epidemic during the pandemic
[4:14] The two types of loneliness and why emotional starvation is so damaging
[6:07] Claire's personal story about her eating disorder and emotional disconnection
[10:02] The three ways loneliness impacts your mental health and relationships
[15:35] How to start healing your relationship with loneliness

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