Are you constantly scanning for signs they're going to leave? Spiraling the moment they don't text back in 0.4 seconds? Girl, your fear of abandonment is showing—and it's time we face it head-on! 💕

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Why Running From Your Fear of Abandonment Keeps You Stuck

Okay gorgeous, let's get real about something. 👀 Your fear of abandonment isn't going anywhere until you stop running from it and start facing it head-on. I know that sounds terrifying (hello, spooky season vibes!), but hear me out.

I used to be the queen of avoiding my deepest fears. There was this guy (there's always a guy, right? 🙈) who I thought was everything—successful, handsome, athletic, the whole package. We were together for TWO YEARS, and then he decided to end our relationship via TEXT. Not kidding—worst ghosting story ever, and that's saying something!

But here's the kicker: looking back, I had so many signs that he wasn't available for me. A friend even told me he was hitting on someone else at the Lululemon store (I was an ambassador at the time), and instead of facing that uncomfortable truth, I just brushed it off. I didn't want to face what I was actually scared of—that he didn't want to be with me.

The Moment Everything Changed: Facing My Fear With My Husband

Fast forward to my relationship with my sweet husband (who was my boyfriend at the time). We had this massive anxious-avoidant fight where the energy was just intense. He wanted to literally run out of the building, and I wanted to fix everything.

But in that moment, I did something different. I faced my fear of vulnerability head-on. ✨ I opened my heart and shared my truest, deepest feeling—something about a wound with my dad that I was terrified to share. I was convinced that if I told him this thing, he would reject me, dismiss me, or just not care.

And you know what happened? He melted into me, and we melted into each other. That moment of facing my fear of vulnerability instead of running from it—that's what truly connected us deeper. The more I've healed my anxious attachment, the more I've realized we have to earn that secure feeling (sadly, for most of us).

Learning to Sit in the Discomfort (Without Seeking Reassurance)

The second piece of healing your fear of abandonment is being willing to be in your discomfort. Think of it like a cold plunge—you know that feeling when you touch the cold water and your whole body wants to get out? 🥶

When we face our fears and we're willing to be in the discomfort, one of the key things I teach my clients in the Healing Girl Gang is how to hold yourself in that frigid water. I'm not talking about gritting down and bearing it with "no pain, no gain" energy—that's not it.

I'm talking about really being able to be in your body, be in the truth of what's happening, and hold yourself through it. Because here's the thing: the moment you go for that reassurance to alleviate the pain, you actually reinforce the belief that you can't stand it.

Does that resonate? The more you seek reassurance, the more you're actively training yourself that you can't handle the discomfort. You're literally teaching your nervous system that it's not safe to feel these feelings.

Why Stress and Discomfort Are Actually Your Growth Tools

That stress, that discomfort? That's how we grow, boo! 💪 The more you learn to sit in the discomfort and build resilience with it, the stronger you become. It's just like training a muscle—if you want that Beyoncé butt (I use this example a lot 🤩), your buns are going to burn, they're going to be tight, and you might be sore for weeks if you've never done it before.

But that stress and discomfort is necessary for growth. The thing that holds us back from healing is that we run away instead of facing the fear. We jet, we avoid, we distract, we numb—we do anything except face the fear.

When you stop seeking constant reassurance, you start building that internal security that doesn't depend on anyone else's actions or words.

The Truth About Your Partner Who Gives You No Reason to Worry

Here's what makes this especially hard for the high-achieving girlies in my community: your partner has given you zero reason to worry, and yet you still can't help but freak out. Sound familiar? 🙈

This is actually a sign that your fear of abandonment isn't really about them—it's about those deep wounds and patterns that got formed way before this relationship. Your nervous system is still operating from old programming that says "people leave" even when all the evidence points to the contrary.

This is why building self-trust is so crucial. When you can trust yourself to handle whatever comes your way—including potential abandonment—you stop living in that constant state of hypervigilance.

Your Nervous System Is Stuck in Survival Mode

Your fear of abandonment lives in your nervous system, gorgeous. It's not something you can just think your way out of (trust me, I tried! 😅). When you're constantly scanning for signs that someone's going to leave, your nervous system is stuck in survival mode.

This is where the real healing happens—not just in changing your thoughts, but in helping your nervous system feel safe. When you can regulate your nervous system and create that internal sense of safety, you stop needing constant external reassurance that everything's okay.

Learning to stay connected when your partner feels distant becomes so much easier when you're not operating from a place of fear and panic.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Start facing your fears in small ways - Notice when you want to avoid uncomfortable conversations or feelings, and practice staying present instead
2. Practice sitting in discomfort without immediately seeking reassurance - When anxiety hits, try holding yourself for even 5 minutes before reaching out
3. Work on nervous system regulation - Try breathing exercises, body awareness practices, or anything that helps you feel grounded in your body
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang for support - You don't have to do this healing work alone, gorgeous! 👯‍♀️

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:06] Signs you're living with fear of abandonment (constantly scanning for them to leave)
• [2:45] Claire's worst ghosting story - 2 years together, ended via text
• [4:54] How she avoided facing the truth about her unavailable ex
• [6:39] The pivotal moment with her husband where vulnerability changed everything
• [8:18] Why facing fear leads to deeper connection and earned security
• [9:04] Learning to sit in discomfort without seeking reassurance
• [10:41] How stress and discomfort are necessary for growth
• [11:45] Why we need support and community for this healing work

Related Posts You'll Love:

• How to build self-trust (after a lifetime of self-abandonment)
• How To Stop Needing Constant Reassurance in Your Relationship
• How to Stay Connected When Your Partner Feels Distant
• How to Heal the Root of Anxious Attachment (Not Just the Symptoms)

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫