Are you spiraling every time he doesn't text back right away? Getting triggered when they seem "off" or distant? Does physical distance send your anxious attachment into full Red Alert mode? Girl, you're not alone—and I'm here to help you stay connected even during those distant moments! 💕

Ready to Ditch the Relationship Anxiety For Good?

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The Real Reason Distance Triggers Your Anxious Attachment

Let's get real for a hot second, gorgeous. When your partner feels distant—whether it's actual physical distance or just emotional space—your anxious attachment goes into full panic mode. 🚨

Maybe it looks like this: He tied his shoes "angrily" and suddenly you're wondering if he's mad at you. Or they haven't texted today and your brain is creating seventeen different worst-case scenarios. Sound familiar?

Here's what I've learned from my own journey (and helping hundreds of women heal their anxious attachment): distance isn't the enemy—disconnection from yourself is.

The truth bomb? We separate from ourselves first, then we separate from the relationship. When we're disconnected from our own experience, our emotions, and our truth, we automatically create distance in our relationships without even realizing it.

How Your Subconscious Patterns Create MORE Distance

This might sting a little, but I'm saying it with love: those subconscious strategies you use to "stay connected" are actually pushing your partner away. 🙈

Think about it—have you ever sent that three-page text explaining everything when your logical brain was screaming "DON'T SEND THAT"? Or found yourself over-explaining something super simple to your partner because you were triggered and scared?

I've been there, boo. I once word-vomited all over my husband Craig about our voting ballots because I was in a fear response. These patterns served us at one point—maybe you had to have really good reasons for being late for curfew, or you needed to build a case for why you got an A- instead of an A+.

But here's the thing: what created safety for you in the past is now creating disconnection in your relationship.

Why Blame Keeps You Stuck in the Distance Cycle

When we feel distant from our partner, our first instinct is often to blame. "He's just so obsessed with work!" or "She's being distant because of that family situation."

But gorgeous, blame is a protection mechanism that keeps us disconnected. When you blame their work, do you think they're going to feel excited to share work stuff with you? When you can't hold space for their family stress because you're feeling "butt hurt" about it, you're creating more distance.

I had a client whose partner was dealing with a sick family member (not immediate family, but still important to him). Her inability to stay connected to HIS reality and what he was experiencing created disconnection because he didn't feel seen or accepted. 💔

The reality is: we don't always know what someone else is carrying. When we're so absorbed in our own experience that we can't hold space for theirs, we create the very distance we're trying to avoid.

Bringing Forward the Unknown: Your Secret Weapon

Here's where the magic happens, and it's what I teach in The Confidence Code: bringing forward the unknown.

Most of the time, our anxious attachment triggers are operating from unconscious beliefs, thoughts, and feelings that we don't even realize are running the show.

The key to staying connected is deepening your connection with yourself first:

• Understanding your unconscious patterns and where they came from
• Getting curious about your emotional responses instead of judging them
• Learning to bring what you don't understand about yourself into consciousness

When you deepen your understanding of your own unconscious mind, that's when your relationship really starts to transform. Trust me on this one—I've seen it in my own marriage and with countless clients. ✨

From Contraction to Expansion: The Healing Path

When we're scared and in our fear response, we contract. We think small, we get tunnel vision, and we make everything about us. But in order to stay connected, we need to operate from expansion.

This means:

• Being emotionally fluent and able to express your feelings in healthy ways
• Staying curious about your partner's experience instead of making assumptions
• Learning to regulate your nervous system when you feel triggered
• Moving from "what's wrong?" to "what's possible?"

I know this work isn't easy, but gorgeous, it's so worth it. The more I've connected with my own unconscious patterns and healed from within, the deeper my relationship has become.

Why Fight-or-Flight Keeps You Overthinking After Conflict

Let's talk about Anna's question from the mailbox (shoutout to my Healing Girl Gang community!). She asked how to stop overthinking after a fight, especially in a long-distance relationship.

Here's the real talk: that overthinking after conflict is a fight-or-flight response. Your nervous system is dysregulated, and you're literally in survival mode thinking "I messed up, he's going to leave me!"

First things first—disagreements and conflict are NECESSARY in relationships. They're not the end of the world, they're actually what makes relationships stronger! 💪

But here's what happens: when you're in that fear response, you go into what I call "the flail"—like a drowning person grabbing onto anything (a branch, a life vest, the lifeguard) to try to fix it. Overthinking becomes your go-to tool because it's familiar.

The solution? Learn to calm your nervous system FIRST, then address the situation from a regulated place.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Notice when you're seeking connection through "doing" vs. "being" - Are you trying to fix, explain, or control your way back to connection?
2. Practice staying curious about your partner's experience - Instead of making their distance about you, get curious about what they might be carrying
3. Learn to regulate your nervous system during triggered moments - This is THE foundation for everything else
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang for ongoing support - Healing happens in community, and these girlies GET IT

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:00] Welcome and intro to staying connected during distant moments
• [3:27] How subconscious patterns create disconnection strategies
• [6:42] Why blame keeps you stuck in the distance cycle
• [10:34] Being absorbed in your own experience vs. holding space for theirs
• [14:04] Mailbox question about overthinking after fights in long-distance relationships
• [16:52] Understanding that conflict is necessary and normal in relationships
• [18:20] The "flail" response and learning to calm your nervous system

Related Posts You'll Love:

• How To Stop Needing Constant Reassurance in Your Relationship
• 3 Reasons Your Anxious Attachment Isn't Healing
• Why You Keep Overexplaining (and Still Feel Misunderstood)
• The Instant Fix for Anxious Attachment Triggers (That Actually Works)

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫