Are you constantly plucking at the surface of your relationship anxiety but feeling like nothing's really changing? Reading all the books, going to therapy, doing the hot girl walks, but still spiraling when they're distant? Girl, you're not healing the root—and I'm about to show you exactly how to dig deeper! 💕

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The "Gardening Fail" That Changed Everything About Healing

Let me tell you about my epic gardening disaster that became the perfect metaphor for anxious attachment healing! 🙈

So we have this property in Denver, and y'all—the weeds were CRAZY. I'm talking like a year of neglect, and Craig usually handles the outdoor stuff. But I was like "I got this, no big deal!" Famous last words, right?

I spent SO long out there that I literally burned my back (and I'm Filipino, we don't burn!). When Craig came to check on me, he was like "Claire, love you so much, but you're not doing it right."

I was just plucking the tops of the weeds instead of getting to the roots!

We came back a week and a half later, and it looked like a forest again. That's when it hit me—this is EXACTLY what most of us are doing with our anxious attachment. We're treating the symptoms but never getting to the root system that's feeding all that relationship anxiety.

Why Your Smart Girl Strategies Aren't Working

If you're listening to this, you're probably incredibly smart. You could go into therapy and name your traumas "line one, line two, line three" like a script. You've read the books, saved the Instagram posts, done all the "right" things.

But here's what I learned during my own healing journey: there's a difference between intellectual understanding and deep, body-felt knowing.

I remember when I was deep in my eating disorder in my 20s (trigger warning here, gorgeous). I had researched EVERYTHING. I was like a walking DSM manual, talking about my symptoms at this intellectual surface level. But I was still sick as a dog—mentally, emotionally, and physically.

You can't think your way out of anxious attachment. Your nervous system, your body, and your subconscious patterns need a completely different approach.

The Mind-Body-Spirit Connection You're Missing

Here's the thing that changed everything for me: healing anxious attachment isn't just about what you're doing—it's about HOW you're doing it and how all the pieces work together.

Think of it like this—you could put drugstore makeup on and look absolutely stunning if you know how to use it. Or you could have the most expensive Chanel everything and look terrible if you don't know the technique. It's not about the tools; it's about the integration.

When I look at true healing, I see three interconnected pieces:

• Mind: Your thoughts and intellectual understanding
• Body: Your nervous system and how you're wired to respond
• Spirit: Your ability to observe yourself instead of being trapped in the spiral

Most of us get stuck because we're only working on one piece at a time. We're doing the hot girl walks (body) but still spiraling with overthinking (mind). We're understanding our patterns (mind) but not healing the nervous system dysfunction that's creating the anxiety (body).

Breaking the "Whirlpool" Pattern

You know that feeling when you're in the middle of relationship overthinking and it feels like Ariel and Ursula in The Little Mermaid? You're in this whirlpool, can't tell up from down, feeling like you're drowning? 🌊

I call this "being in the soup"—when you're IN the situation and IN the feelings, completely overwhelmed.

The spiritual piece allows you to step OUT of the whirlpool and observe it instead. Instead of being in your thoughts and feelings, you're watching them. This isn't about detaching or shutting down (which can actually push us toward hyper independence)—it's about cultivating the observer self.

This is where you move from "OMG why am I like this?!" to "Oh, there's my nervous system getting activated. Let me tend to this with compassion."

The Root System: It's All Connected

Just like those stubborn weeds in my backyard, anxious attachment has a deep, interconnected root system. You can't just pluck one piece and expect lasting change.

When I work with clients in The Confidence Code, we're not just doing a little journaling here and a meditation there. We're looking at:

• How your nervous system was wired to respond to thoughts and feelings
• What your mind is doing while your body is having one experience
• How to cultivate that observer self so you're not drowning in the anxiety

It's about deepening your well of understanding rather than jumping from puddle to puddle trying to fix individual symptoms.

When you heal at this root level, you stop having that experience where you're "fine on Monday" after therapy but then get in a fight on Tuesday and you're like "What the hell? Why am I back here again?"

The Real Question: How Can You Deepen?

Instead of asking "What should I do about my anxious attachment?" start asking "How can I deepen my understanding of how my mind, body, and spirit are working together?"

This isn't about collecting more tools or doing more things. You might already be doing yoga, journaling, and going for walks. The magic is in how you're integrating these practices and whether you're addressing all three levels.

Are you just going through the motions, or are you using these practices to build that deep, felt sense of how you operate? Are you connecting the dots between why you're thinking something, why you're feeling something, and how to tend to yourself with compassion?

Why Traditional Methods Fall Short

Here's why I lovingly call them "shelf help" books instead of self-help books—they're collecting dust on your shelf because information without integration and application doesn't create lasting change.

Traditional therapy focuses heavily on the mind piece. Nervous system work focuses on the body. Spiritual practices focus on the observer self. But unless you're working with all three simultaneously and understanding how they interconnect, you're missing pieces of the puzzle.

What we don't repair, we repeat. And gorgeous, you deserve so much more than repeating the same anxious patterns in relationship after relationship.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Start observing your patterns without judgment - Notice when you're "in the soup" versus watching the soup
2. Ask yourself how you can deepen rather than do more - Focus on integration, not accumulation of tools
3. Get curious about your mind-body-spirit connection - How do your thoughts, feelings, and nervous system responses work together?
4. Consider getting support for the integration piece - Join the Healing Girl Gang for community and guidance on this deeper work

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:00] Introduction to healing the root of anxious attachment versus surface symptoms
• [3:32] The gardening fail story that perfectly illustrates surface-level versus root healing
• [5:24] Why understanding your trauma intellectually isn't enough for true healing
• [8:00] Breaking down the mind-body-spirit connection in anxious attachment healing
• [10:15] The "whirlpool" pattern and how to step into the observer self
• [13:08] Understanding anxious attachment as an interconnected root system
• [15:05] How to deepen your healing practice instead of just adding more tools

Related Posts You'll Love:

• 3 Reasons Your Anxious Attachment Isn't Healing
• 4 Anxious Attachment Mistakes High-Achievers Make (And How to Fix Them)
• Stop Anxious Attachment to Live Your Best Life
• The Instant Fix for Anxious Attachment Triggers (That Actually Works)

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫