Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

Quality Over Quantity: The Focus That Heals All Attachment Styles

anxious-attachment-healing attachment-styles emotional-security-tips high-achiever-dating relationship-anxiety-tips relationship-quality-vs-quantity secure-relationships Jul 08, 2025

Are you constantly analyzing every text, overthinking every gesture, and questioning if what they're giving you is "enough"? Girl, you're missing the most important piece of the puzzle—and it's not about getting MORE from them. It's about recognizing the QUALITY of what's already there! 💕

Ready to Ditch the Relationship Anxiety For Good?

Honey, if you're DONE with the constant overthinking and ready to feel secure AF in your relationships, I've got you covered! Check out these game-changing resources:

💖 Healing Girl Gang: Your new sisterhood of support - JOIN NOW

💥 The Confidence Code: My signature program to heal anxious attachment from the inside out - TRANSFORM YOUR LOVE LIFE

🚀 Self-Sabotage Slay-Over: Stop getting in your own way - CLAIM YOUR POWER

💎 VIP 1:1 Coaching: Personalized support just for you - BOOK YOUR SESSION

Let's Keep This Healing Party Going! 🎉

📺 YouTube: Subscribe for Weekly Inspo
📸 Instagram: Join the Healing Fam
🎥 TikTok: More Healing Goodness

Your most secure, confident self is waiting. Let's make it happen, bb! 💜

Why You're Focusing on All the Wrong Things in Your Relationship

Okay gorgeous, let me paint you a picture that's probably going to feel WAY too familiar. 🙈

You're dating someone amazing, but they're not the fastest texter. Maybe they need time to process things (hello, slow chew energy), or they tend to withdraw when they get activated. And what do you do? You spiral into overthinking mode, wondering "Is it something I did?" and mentally cataloging every interaction to figure out where you went wrong.

But here's the tea—you're focusing on quantity when you should be focusing on quality. And this shift? It's literally the game-changer that can heal ANY attachment style dynamic.

Think about it like this: would you rather have someone text you "good morning babe" every single day because they're copy-pasting it to 15 other girls, OR have someone who texts you less frequently but when they do, they're fully present, intentional, and thinking specifically about YOU?

Yeah, I thought so. 💫

The Golden Corral vs. Fine Dining Test (And Why It Matters for Your Love Life)

Let me tell you about my husband Craig and our Thursday night that changed everything for me! ✨

I had asked for some romance during our weekly check-in (yes, we do those and they're AMAZING—maybe I'll do a whole training on that!). Thursday rolls around, and we had planned to go to this hopping Mexican restaurant that always has a line out the door.

I got all ready, expecting us to go out, and Craig comes home with... groceries. To make me Mexican food at home.

And for just a split second (because I'm human, okay?), I thought, "Hmm, maybe a steak dinner would have been more romantic." 🤦🏽‍♀️

But then it hit me—this is exactly what this whole podcast episode is about. What are you focusing on?

Craig made me a taco bowl with all my favorite things, didn't let me lift a finger, brought me chips and queso, and my beloved Topo Chico in a glass bottle (if you know, you know!). It was pure QUALITY—he knows my desert island food is bottomless chips and queso, and he created that experience just for me.

Are you a Golden Corral girl or a fine dining girl? Because that changes everything about how you experience love.

Quality Girl vs. Quantity Girl: The Relationship Game-Changer

Here's where most of us anxious girlies get it twisted—we think more texts = more love. More frequent check-ins = more security. More grand gestures = more commitment.

But quality is about intention, presence, and genuine connection. 👑

When Craig and I first started dating, he wasn't great at texting me constantly (and honestly, thank goodness because I was dating other people too—highly recommend for reducing anxiety!). I had other guys who would text me "good morning babe, good night babe" on repeat, and at the time I thought they were "better communicators."

But here's what I discovered: when Craig was with me, he was WITH me. Focused on me, hearing me, seeing me. His texts weren't frequent, but they were purposeful and intentional.

Meanwhile, Mr. Good Morning Texter? Turns out he was copy-pasting that same energy to multiple girls because texting means nothing to him.

The quality questions to ask yourself:

How present are they when you're together?
What's the intention behind their actions?
Are they really seeing and hearing you?
What's their character behind their interactions with you?

Why Your Anxious Attachment is Obsessed with Quantity (And How to Shift It)

If you have anxious attachment, your nervous system is literally wired to look for MORE as a way to feel safe. More texts, more reassurance, more proof that they're not going anywhere.

But here's the plot twist—quantity without quality is actually what keeps you anxious. 😮‍💨

Think about it: if someone is giving you quantity but low quality attention, you're always going to feel unsatisfied. You'll keep needing more and more because the interactions aren't actually nourishing your soul.

When you shift to focusing on quality, you start asking different questions:

Is this person showing up with their whole heart?
Are their actions aligned with genuine care?
Do I feel seen and valued in their presence?
What's the energy behind what they're offering me?

The Attachment Style Universal Truth: It's All About Quality

Whether you're anxious, avoidant, or somewhere in between, the most important focus is always going to be quality. This isn't just for anxious attachment—this is for ANY relationship where you want to feel genuinely connected and secure.

I would rather have a relationship that's locally sourced, farm-fresh, made-with-love energy than something that's been sitting in an emotional freezer and flash-fried with surface-level attention.

Sure, that McDonald's french fry might taste good in the moment, but it's not going to sustain you over time. You deserve the five-course, carefully crafted, melts-in-your-mouth kind of love. ✨

And here's the beautiful thing—when you start focusing on quality, you stop being so anxious about quantity. You're not constantly checking your phone because you KNOW that when they show up, they're really showing up.

How to Spot Quality in Your Relationship (Even When Your Brain Wants More)

Okay boo, let's get practical. How do you actually shift from quantity-focused to quality-focused when your anxious brain is screaming for MORE evidence that they care? 🤔

Start asking these quality-check questions:

When we're together, how do I feel? Seen? Heard? Valued?
What's the energy behind their words and actions?
Are they present with me or just going through the motions?
Do I feel like I matter to them as a person?
What's their character showing me about who they are?

Remember my thick chip preference? (Yes, I'm bringing this back because it's perfect!) I don't want thin, low-quality chips that break when I dip them. I want thick, substantial, can-handle-the-queso kind of chips. The same goes for relationships—I want substantial, can-handle-real-life kind of love.

The goal isn't to lower your standards (hell no!), it's to focus on the RIGHT standards. Standards that actually create the security and connection you're craving.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Start quality-checking your current relationship - Notice when you're focusing on quantity and redirect to quality questions
Practice recognizing quality in small moments - Like Craig's taco bowl gesture, start seeing the intention behind actions
Stop comparing surface-level behaviors - That guy who texts constantly might not be as emotionally available as your slower-to-respond partner
Join the Healing Girl Gang - Connect with other girlies who totally get this journey and are working on the same shifts

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:08] Introduction to the most important focus for different attachment styles
[2:30] Craig and Claire's weekly check-in ritual and why it matters
[4:35] The Thursday night Mexican food story that changed everything
[7:08] The Golden Corral vs. fine dining relationship metaphor
[9:20] Why Craig's texting style initially triggered Claire's anxiety
[11:02] The difference between quality and quantity in relationships
[12:30] How focusing on quality heals all attachment styles

Join Your Healing Sisterhood!

The Healing Girl Gang is where overthinking dies, self-trust thrives, and high-achieving women like you transform relationship anxiety into unshakeable confidence—all while being cheered on by girlies who just get it.

Join the Sisterhood