Why You Need Boundaries in Your Relationship (Even When It Feels Scary)

Are you constantly overgiving in your relationship? Doing all the emotional labor while feeling unsatisfied? Staying quiet when things bother you because you don't want to "rock the boat"? Girl, you're struggling with boundaries—and I'm here to help you understand why they're actually your secret weapon for relationship security! 💕

Ready to Ditch the Relationship Anxiety For Good?

Honey, if you're DONE with the constant overthinking and ready to feel secure AF in your relationships, I've got you covered! Check out these game-changing resources:

💖 Healing Girl Gang: Your new sisterhood of support - JOIN NOW

💥 The Confidence Code: My signature program to heal anxious attachment from the inside out - TRANSFORM YOUR LOVE LIFE

🚀 Self-Sabotage Slay-Over: Stop getting in your own way - CLAIM YOUR POWER

💎 VIP 1:1 Coaching: Personalized support just for you - BOOK YOUR SESSION

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• 📸 Instagram: Join the Healing Fam
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Your most secure, confident self is waiting. Let's make it happen, bb! 💜

Ready to Ditch the Relationship Anxiety For Good?

Honey, if you're DONE with the constant overthinking and ready to feel secure AF in your relationships, I've got you covered! Check out these game-changing resources:

💖 Healing Girl Gang: Your new sisterhood of support - JOIN NOW

💥 The Confidence Code: My signature program to heal anxious attachment from the inside out - TRANSFORM YOUR LOVE LIFE

🚀 Self-Sabotage Slay-Over: Stop getting in your own way - CLAIM YOUR POWER

💎 VIP 1:1 Coaching: Personalized support just for you - BOOK YOUR SESSION

Let's Keep This Healing Party Going! 🎉

• 📺 YouTube: Subscribe for Weekly Inspo
• 📸 Instagram: Join the Healing Fam
• 🎥 TikTok: More Healing Goodness

Your most secure, confident self is waiting. Let's make it happen, bb! 💜

The Boundary Spectrum: Where Do You Fall?

Okay gorgeous, let's get real about where you might be on the boundary spectrum. I see this SO much with my high-achieving clients (and honestly, with my past self too 🙈).

On one end, you might be the girl who's giving your ALL in the relationship—extending yourself, bending over backwards, and feeling completely unsatisfied because it feels like there's zero effort on their part. The energy feels totally unfair, doesn't it?

On the other end, maybe you're the one who stays quiet when little things hurt your feelings. You're thinking, "We only have this one weekend together, and I don't want to rock the boat. Why bring it up?" Sound familiar?

Here's the truth bomb: both of these patterns are screaming that you need stronger boundaries. And I'm not judging you, bb—I've been EXACTLY where you are! ✨

Why You Don't Have Strong Boundaries (It's Not Your Fault)

The biggest thing I notice with my clients is that they haven't had people in their inner circle who model strong boundaries. And here's what I want you to understand: if you don't see healthy boundaries modeled, you don't know what they look like!

I used to be the queen of overgiving and over-delivering in relationships. I'd stay quiet when things bothered me, thinking I was being "low maintenance" or "chill." But really? I was just scared to advocate for myself because I'd never learned HOW to do it in a healthy way.

I call one of my dear friends the "boundary queen" (and maybe I need to tell her that more often 😂). She's got this blended family situation with her partner's complicated ex, and I've NEVER heard her talk badly about this woman. But she also doesn't let anyone walk all over her or her family. She states her needs clearly, protects her energy, and still shows up with so much love and respect.

Watching her taught me what strength actually looks like. It's not harsh or mean—it's loving and firm. It's secure! 👑

The Boundary Reaction That Reveals Everything

Girl, let me tell you something that might blow your mind. When people lose their minds over your boundaries, that tells you everything you need to know about their own boundary issues.

I experience this in my DMs all the time (especially on TikTok—whew!). When I set a clear boundary about not giving relationship advice in DMs because I don't have the full context, some people absolutely lose it. They get angry, defensive, or try to guilt me into breaking my boundary.

But here's the thing: their reaction to my boundary has nothing to do with me and everything to do with their own struggles with boundaries. When you're not used to experiencing healthy boundaries, they can feel jarring or even "rude" (even when they're delivered with love).

I remember when I first started working with a coach years ago, and she set a loving but firm boundary with me. It triggered the absolute hell out of me because I'd never really experienced that before. It felt so foreign because I was struggling with my own boundaries!

Boundaries = Security (Not Walls)

This is where so many people get boundaries confused, hunny. Boundaries aren't walls to keep people out—they're guidelines to keep everyone safe.

Think about walking my dog Murdoch (if you don't know him, check my Instagram because I'm obsessed 🤩). He feels safe on our walks because he's in a harness with a leash. If there's an unfriendly dog or any danger, I can pull him back and step in front of him to protect him. The harness and leash aren't there to restrict him—they're there to keep him secure!

When you have strong boundaries in your relationships, you create that same sense of security. You're not trying to control or manipulate—you're creating clear guidelines so everyone knows how to treat each other with respect and love.

Security comes from boundaries, gorgeous! When you know what you will and won't accept, you feel more confident and peaceful in your relationships. The anxiety starts to melt away because you're not constantly wondering if you're being treated fairly—you KNOW you are! ✨

Finding Your Boundary Community

Here's something I want you to really think about: Are you seeking inclusivity and acceptance in your relationships and friendships? I'm not just talking about gender or LGBTQ+ inclusivity (though that's important too!), but are you in environments where you feel fully accepted and included?

When we don't have channels where we can be completely ourselves—where there's genuine community and acceptance—we end up in relationships that feel like the "Wild Wild West." Nobody feels safe because there are no clear expectations or guidelines.

You need to be in communities where you're experiencing healthy boundaries AND genuine acceptance. This is where you start to learn what secure relationships actually look like. It's where you can practice setting boundaries without fear of being rejected or abandoned.

The Healing Girl Gang is designed to be exactly this kind of space, bb! It's where you can experience what it feels like to be included, accepted, AND have clear, loving boundaries at the same time. 💕

Training Your Brain to Recognize Security

Okay, this one's huge: you have to train your brain to recognize that boundaries equal security. When someone sets a boundary with you, your first thought might be "They don't want to spend time with me" or "I'm not important to them."

But what if you trained your brain to think, "Oh, they're protecting their energy and capacity so they can show up fully when we do connect"? What if you saw their boundary as them taking care of themselves so they can be present and loving with you?

This is especially important in romantic relationships! In friendships, we usually get this pretty easily. If your friend says she can't make book club because of a big work project, you don't take it personally. But in relationships? We spiral and make it mean something about our worth or their feelings for us.

It's all about repetitions, gorgeous! The more you practice seeing boundaries as security instead of rejection, the stronger you get at recognizing healthy relationship patterns. You start to understand that someone saying "not tonight" for a date isn't about you—it's about them protecting their bandwidth so they can be fully present when you do connect.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Start noticing your boundary patterns - Are you overgiving? Staying quiet when things bother you? Get curious about your default responses.
2. Find your boundary role models - Look for people in your life who have healthy boundaries and study how they communicate them with love and firmness.
3. Practice seeing boundaries as security - When someone sets a boundary with you, remind yourself that they're creating safety, not rejecting you.
4. Join a supportive community - Surround yourself with people who model healthy boundaries while also accepting you fully (hint: the Healing Girl Gang is waiting for you!).

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:04] Introduction to relationship boundaries and expectations - why this topic is multi-dimensional
• [1:48] The boundary spectrum - from overgiving to staying quiet to avoid conflict
• [3:02] Why having strong boundary role models in your life is crucial for your growth
• [6:02] How people react to boundaries reveals their own boundary issues
• [8:09] The harness analogy - why boundaries create security, not restrictions
• [9:10] Seeking inclusivity and acceptance in your relationships and communities
• [10:26] Training your brain to recognize that boundaries equal security

Related Posts You'll Love:

• How to FEEL more SECURE in Your Relationship (for overachieving women)
• How to Stop Self-Silencing and Express Your Feelings (Without Drama)
• When You Want More Effort From Your Partner (But It's Actually About You)
• Feeling Like You're Doing All the Work in Your Relationship? Here's Why

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫