Stop Overthinking Your Relationship: What You Need to Know
Jul 15, 2025Are you spiraling every time they don't text back right away? Analyzing every conversation for hidden meanings? Girl, your overthinking is hijacking your peace—and I'm here to help you break the cycle for good! ๐
Ready to Ditch the Relationship Anxiety For Good?
Honey, if you're DONE with the constant overthinking and ready to feel secure AF in your relationships, I've got you covered! Check out these game-changing resources:
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Your most secure, confident self is waiting. Let's make it happen, bb! ๐
The Real Reason You Can't Stop Overthinking (It's Not What You Think)
Hey gorgeous! ๐๐ฝ If you're reading this while simultaneously checking your phone for the 47th time today, you are SO in the right place. Today we're diving deep into why your brilliant, high-achieving brain keeps you trapped in relationship overthinking—and how to actually break free.
I know you've probably tried everything: putting your phone in another room, distracting yourself with work, even telling yourself to "just stop thinking about it." But here's the tea, boo—overthinking isn't actually a thinking problem. It's a nervous system problem. ๐คฏ
When your nervous system is dysregulated (aka in fight-or-flight mode), you literally cannot think clearly. You're operating from your lizard brain, not your logical, brilliant mind. That's why you can be smart enough to build businesses or climb corporate ladders, but still find yourself sending those 5-page texts at 2am.
Why Your Smart Girl Brain Is Working Against You
Here's what I've noticed with my high-achieving clients: you feel SO much shame around your overthinking because you KNOW better. You know logically that you shouldn't spiral about his delayed response, but you literally can't help yourself. ๐
This creates a vicious cycle where you're not only dealing with relationship anxiety, but also beating yourself up for having it in the first place!
The truth? You're not crazy, you're just dysregulated. When your nervous system is activated, your logical brain goes offline and your survival brain takes over. It's literally designed to keep you alive, not help you think rationally about whether he likes your Instagram story.
The Difference Between Critical Thinking and Spiraling
Let me make this crystal clear, because this distinction is EVERYTHING: there's a huge difference between using your brain to make good decisions and spiraling in overthinking loops. โจ
Critical thinking feels like:
- Clear, grounded decision-making
- Weighing pros and cons calmly
- Feeling centered in your body
Overthinking spirals feel like:
- Racing thoughts you can't control
- Physical tension and anxiety
- Asking the same questions over and over
- Your body feeling activated or panicked
If your body is activated and you're feeling that fight-or-flight energy, you're NOT critically thinking—you're spiraling. And honey, that's totally normal! We just need to learn how to regulate first, THEN think.
The Conditioning That's Keeping You Stuck
Here's where it gets really interesting (and maybe a little woo, but stay with me!): you are not your thoughts. ๐
Those overthinking patterns? They were given to you. Your brain learned through association that this is how you defend yourself when you're feeling fear. Maybe you learned that if you could just figure everything out, you'd be safe. Or that love was conditional on you being "perfect."
I used to tell myself things like "crying is for babies" or "I don't cry" because that's what I was taught about feelings. But those weren't MY thoughts—they were conditioning I picked up along the way.
The beautiful news? What we learned, we can unlearn.
Why Information Alone Won't Save You (Sorry!)
I'm about to call us all out with so much love: we live in a society that thinks knowing something intellectually is enough. But you can save 100 posts about anxious attachment and still be overthinking every text! ๐ฑ
Here's what I've learned after years of doing this work: you can't think your way out of a feeling problem. Overthinking is actually your nervous system trying to protect you, and it needs to be addressed at the body level first.
Most of us (myself included for way too long) have been completely disconnected from our feelings. We've been taught to stuff them down, ignore them, or distract from them. But feelings need to be FELT and processed, not analyzed to death.
The Body-First Approach to Healing Overthinking
Ready for the game-changer? Start with your nervous system, not your thoughts. ๐
Before you can break the overthinking cycle, you need to learn how to regulate your body. When you're in a calm, grounded state, your logical brain comes back online and you can actually think clearly.
Some of my favorite nervous system regulation tools:
- Spending time in sunshine โ๏ธ
- Walking outside without distractions
- Moving your body in ways that feel good
- Playing with pets
- Taking actual breaks during your workday
These aren't just "nice to have" activities—they're literally rewiring your nervous system to feel safer, which means less overthinking!
Breaking the Overthinking-Action Cycle
Here's another pattern I see constantly: you think something, then you ACT on that thought (hello, paragraph texts!), which creates the exact outcome you were worried about. ๐
But here's the plot twist—you don't have a magic wand! Your overthinking isn't actually predicting the future or making things happen. What's happening is that your thoughts are influencing your actions, which then create the results you feared.
It's not that you thought him into being distant—it's that you acted from a place of fear (maybe being clingy or demanding reassurance), which then pushed him away. The overthinking is just the middleman in this process.
Next Steps For The Anxious Girly
If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:
- Start tracking your nervous system state throughout the day—notice when you feel activated versus calm
- Practice one nervous system regulation tool daily (even just 5 minutes of sunshine counts!)
- Get curious about your overthinking patterns without judgment—when do they happen most?
- Join the Healing Girl Gang for support from other girlies who totally get it ๐ฏโ๏ธ
Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.
Key Moments in This Episode
- [0:00] Why overthinking isn't actually a thinking problem
- [4:25] The shame cycle that keeps high-achievers stuck
- [5:30] How to tell if you're critically thinking or spiraling
- [8:03] Why your thoughts aren't actually yours (mind blown!)
- [12:02] The difference between being emotional and processing emotions
- [15:18] Why information alone won't heal your anxiety
- [16:43] Simple nervous system regulation tools that actually work
Related Posts You'll Love:
- Stop Overthinking in Relationships: The Ultimate Guide
- 5 Minute Pep Talk for Relationship Overthinking (Stop the Spiral!)
- Why Loneliness Is Your Biggest Overthinking Trigger (And How to Heal It)
- Stop Overanalyzing in Your Relationship: The Real Root Cause
Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! ๐ซ
