He Hasn't Texted You Back? Here's What to Do Instead
Aug 22, 2025Are you staring at your phone waiting for that text? Checking your messages every five minutes and spiraling when he doesn't respond? Girl, I see you—and I'm here to help you break free from this exhausting cycle! ๐
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Why You're Obsessing Over His Texts (And It's Not What You Think)
Gorgeous, let's get real about what's actually happening when you're refreshing your phone every thirty seconds. This isn't really about him not texting—it's about your relationship with your phone and what you're actually seeking.
I remember when I was first dating my now-husband, I would literally feel this anxiety every weekend because we were long-distance and texting felt like our lifeline. But here's what I discovered: if you have an unhealthy relationship with your phone (sleeping next to it, checking it first thing in the morning, going to bed scrolling), you're setting yourself up for relationship anxiety.
There's a direct correlation between girls who ask "why hasn't he texted?" and how much they use their phones. Your phone addiction is breeding ground for dating drama, boo! ๐
Are You Chasing Dopamine or Real Connection?
This question is going to blow your mind: Are you seeking a rush of hormones or actual connection with this person?
Think about it—these tech companies spend billions of dollars to get your attention. Your phone is literally designed like a gambling machine, giving you those dopamine hits every time you get a notification. When we add romance to that mix? Girl, it's a recipe for confusion! โจ
You might be confusing that "zing" feeling you get from a text notification with genuine connection. Real connection isn't about constant stimulation—it's about long-lasting, meaningful bonds. So get honest with yourself: Do you actually feel connected to this person, or are you just addicted to the hormone rush?
Is Your Cup Full? (The Question That Changes Everything)
Here's some tough love, gorgeous: when you're seeking external validation to feel good about yourself, you're going to be way more susceptible to needing constant communication from someone else.
If you were 100% confident—I'm talking Beyoncé confident, Taylor Swift confident—would you even care if this person texted you back or not? ๐
I had a client who could only name three things that brought her joy: journaling, walking, and reading. But she wanted to attract someone dynamic with hobbies, volunteer work, travel plans—basically a "five-course meal" kind of person. You can't cook a five-course meal with just salt, pepper, and month-old basil!
When your cup isn't full, it makes total sense that you're seeking other "flavors" to make you feel better. The remedy? Fill your own cup with diverse interests and activities that light you up!
Understanding the Phase You're Actually In
Let's talk about what phase you're really in—the getting to know you phase. This is anything before you're committed, exclusive, or official. And here's the tea: in this phase, they don't owe you anything!
I say this with so much love, but you don't owe them anything either. When we enter romantic situations with a ton of expectations, we're setting ourselves up for failure. ๐คฉ
Think of it like planting a seed—that beginning stage is SO delicate. You can't be poking at it every day, overwatering it, or putting too much pressure on it. Getting to know someone requires honoring the delicate phase you're in.
Stop Expecting Everyone to Act Like You
Boo, this might sting a little, but are you assuming this person should communicate exactly the way you do? If you text back in two minutes, are you expecting them to do the same?
With so much love: that ain't gonna work! We are not all the same, gorgeous. Texting is just one form of communication, and not everyone communicates the way you do. It's actually shortsighted to think someone has the same availability and priorities that you do.
My husband and I have very different communication styles, and that doesn't make either of us right or wrong. The foundation here is respect—respecting that someone might operate differently than you do. And honestly? Someone not texting you back for two days isn't the end of the world! ๐
The Game-Changing Strategy I Used (That Actually Worked)
Here's the tea I promised you: when I was in the getting-to-know-you phase waiting for my now-husband to text, I wasn't sitting around twiddling my thumbs waiting for him. I was getting to know other people!
This might feel scary if you're used to fixating on one person at a time (guilty! ๐), but until you're exclusive with someone, it's open game. Quality over quantity doesn't mean putting all your eggs in one basket before you even know if there's a basket!
Getting to know multiple people in the early stages helped me stay grounded, confident, and way less anxious about any one person's texting habits. It completely changed my dating experience!
Next Steps For The Anxious Girly
If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:
- Examine your phone habits and create healthier boundaries (no sleeping next to your phone!)
- Fill your own cup with diverse activities and interests that bring you genuine joy
- Honor the phase you're in and release expectations that don't serve this delicate stage
- Practice respecting different communication styles instead of expecting everyone to be like you
Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.
Key Moments in This Episode
- [0:05] Why this episode is specifically for the getting-to-know-you phase
- [3:00] How your relationship with your phone predicts your dating anxiety
- [4:42] The difference between dopamine hits and real connection
- [8:06] The "cup full" question that changes everything
- [14:01] Understanding what phase you're actually in with this person
- [16:03] Why expecting them to act like you doesn't work
- [18:07] The game-changing strategy Claire used while dating her husband
Related Posts You'll Love:
- How to Stop Needing Constant Reassurance in Your Relationship
- Healthy Dating and Relationship Expectations That Actually Work
- Stop Overthinking in Relationships: The Ultimate Guide
- Quality Over Quantity: The Focus That Heals All Attachment Styles
Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! ๐ซ