Healthy Dating and Relationship Expectations That Actually Work
Jul 25, 2025Are you constantly wondering if your relationship expectations are too high? Questioning whether you're asking for too much? Spiraling about what's "normal" to want from a partner? Girl, you're not alone—and today we're diving deep into what healthy expectations actually look like! 💕
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The Expectation Trap That's Ruining Good Relationships
Let me tell you about the time I completely sabotaged a beautiful relationship because I was so attached to my expectations that I couldn't see what was actually happening right in front of me. 🙈
I was dating this incredible guy (pre-my husband Craig) who was smart, funny, communicative, emotionally aware—literally everything I thought I wanted. Things were progressing beautifully, but I had this toxic expectation that we should be moving faster. I was so hellbent on making things "official" that I basically turned into a salesperson trying to sell him on our relationship.
The result? I could literally feel him pull away during that conversation. I ruined something good because I was more focused on my timeline than on what was actually developing between us.
This is the thing about expectations, gorgeous—they can make us miss the beautiful brownies that are still baking because we're so impatient to take them out of the oven! 🧁
Why Pop Culture Is Sabotaging Your Love Life
Here's where things get spicy—our culture is not helping us create realistic expectations! 📱
Think about Love is Blind (I'm obsessed, don't judge me). These people are falling in love in cardboard boxes over the course of 8 weeks, and we're watching these highlight reels thinking "this is what love should look like!"
But babe, that's not real life. You're not meeting someone in a beautifully lit pod where you can't see their face. You're navigating messy, imperfect, real-world relationships that don't happen on a TV timeline.
When we base our expectations on:
- Instagram highlight reels
- Reality TV timelines
- TikTok relationship advice
- Movies and rom-coms
We're setting ourselves up for disappointment because we're comparing our behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel! ✨
My husband met me at the airport after my first trip, but instead of flowers, he brought me a blanket because his Jeep had the doors off and it was windy. If I had been attached to the expectation of roses, I would have missed the thoughtfulness of him keeping me warm!
Focus on WHO They're Being, Not WHAT They're Doing
This is where high-achieving girlies get into trouble (yes, I'm talking to you, beautiful overachiever). 👑
Because we're so good at the "doing" in our careers—climbing corporate ladders, crushing goals, being productive—we naturally carry that energy into relationships. We start valuing what someone does FOR us instead of who they're BEING.
Let me give you a perfect example: I once dated a guy who did ALL the "right" things. He:
- Texted me good morning every day
- Picked me up from the airport
- Got the hotel on his points
- Took me to romantic dinners
But guess what I found out during that trip? He was texting another girl the exact same things. He was sending her pictures of our coffees looking out at the water—the SAME pictures he was sending me!
This guy was doing all the "nice" things, but he was being a total scumbag. When you focus on actions over character, you'll miss the red flags every single time. 🚩
The Non-Negotiable Expectations You Should Have
Okay, now let's talk about what expectations are actually healthy and necessary in dating and relationships:
1. Respect (Non-negotiable!) Can they honor you? Appreciate you? See who you're being, not just what you're doing? This means they value your thoughts, feelings, and boundaries consistently over time.
2. Honesty (Essential for trust-building) Notice I'm saying they need to BE honest, not just do honest things. True honesty shows up in their character over time—you'll see it in their credibility and consistency.
3. Quality time AND time apart Here's the plot twist—you need both! Yes, they should make reasonable time for you based on your relationship stage, but you also need space to cultivate yourselves as individuals.
When you can regulate yourself and be at peace with yourself, that's when you can truly co-regulate with a partner. If you can't be alone with yourself, you're going to have issues in the relationship! 💕
Communication Styles: Different Doesn't Mean Wrong
Let's talk about communication expectations because this is where things get tricky!
I'm a Sagittarius fire sign—I'm fast, fast, fast with communication. My husband is a Capricorn who's slow and steady. My way isn't better than his, and his isn't better than mine—they're just different!
Have a clear understanding of your communication style, but also hold space and grace for someone who might communicate differently. Remember: speed is different from essence and quality.
Just because you can send 20 texts in 20 seconds doesn't mean that's better—that's like fast food! We want quality communication, not necessarily quantity. ✨
How to Trust the Process (Without Losing Your Mind)
Looking back, my attachment to expectations came from a deeper wound around not trusting myself and not trusting the process.
When we get attached to expectations, we experience contraction and tunnel vision. We literally can't see what's developing because we're so focused on what's NOT happening according to our timeline.
The truth is, good things need time to develop. Relationships have their own organic timeline, and when we try to force them to move faster, we often end up sabotaging something beautiful that was already growing. 🌱
Next Steps For The Anxious Girly
If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:
- Audit your expectations - Write down what you're expecting and ask yourself: where did this come from? Is it from pop culture or from genuine relationship needs?
- Practice focusing on character over actions - Start noticing WHO someone is being consistently over time, not just what they do for you in the moment.
- Get comfortable with your own communication style - Understand how you communicate while holding space for others to be different (not wrong, just different).
- Learn to trust the process - Practice patience with relationship timelines and trust that good things develop organically when we're not forcing them.
Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.
Key Moments in This Episode
- [0:07] Why questioning your relationship needs is totally normal and you're not alone
- [2:03] Claire's story about sabotaging a great relationship due to unrealistic timeline expectations
- [4:34] How expectations make us miss good things happening right in front of us
- [5:23] Why Love is Blind and pop culture are setting unrealistic relationship standards
- [9:08] The difference between focusing on WHO someone's being vs WHAT they're doing
- [11:05] Real story: when someone does all the "right" things but has terrible character
- [13:05] The four non-negotiable healthy expectations you should absolutely have
Related Posts You'll Love:
- How to FEEL more SECURE in Your Relationship (for overachieving women)
- When You Want More Effort From Your Partner (But It's Actually About You)
- How to build self-trust (after a lifetime of self-abandonment)
- Quality Over Quantity: The Focus That Heals All Attachment Styles
Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫
