Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

Stop Overthinking in Relationships: The 3-Step Fix That Works

anxious-attachment-healing confidence-in-relationships emotional-regulation-techniques overthinking-in-relationships relationship-anxiety-tips secure-relationship-advice stop-relationship-overthinking Jul 08, 2025

Are you spiraling over texts that mean nothing? Analyzing every conversation until your brain hurts? Playing detective with your partner's mood when they've literally done nothing wrong? Girl, your overthinking is hijacking your happiness—and I'm about to show you exactly how to fix it! 💕

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The Real Reason You Can't Stop Overthinking (It's Not What You Think)

Hey gorgeous! 👋🏽 Can we talk about something that's probably keeping you up at night? That voice in your head that won't shut UP about your relationship—even when everything is actually going great?

I'm talking about the overthinking spiral that has you questioning "Does he still love me?" literally two minutes after he told you he loved you. Or the mental gymnastics you do when he takes an hour to text back (when you KNOW he's at work). 🙈

Here's what I learned after 8 years with my husband and watching hundreds of clients break this pattern: overthinking isn't really about your relationship—it's about your nervous system trying to keep you safe.

But here's the plot twist, bb—it's actually making you LESS safe in your relationship by creating problems that don't exist!

The 3 Things That Kept Me Stuck in Overthinking Hell

Let me get real vulnerable with you for a hot minute. Before I figured this out, I was the QUEEN of relationship overthinking. Like, I could find a problem in a text that just said "good morning" if I tried hard enough. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Looking back, there were three specific patterns that kept me trapped:

1. Negative Thinking Patterns: I grew up in a household where my dad would literally lecture me about using more than 5 pieces of toilet paper (yes, really). When scarcity and negativity are your norm, your brain gets TRAINED to look for what's wrong instead of what's right.

2. Distraction Instead of Depth: Whenever those uncomfortable feelings came up, I'd run. Literally—I hated running but I'd force myself to do it because it was cheap and kept me from sitting with my emotions. I'd work out, clean, binge Netflix—anything to avoid feeling what was actually happening in my body.

3. Outsourcing My Happiness: This was the big one, hunny. I was constantly looking for other people to make me feel better about myself. I thought the right person would finally make me feel secure, but I was just setting myself (and them) up for failure because I couldn't fill my own cup.

Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so. 💕

Why Your Brain Keeps Choosing Chaos Over Peace

Here's something that blew my mind when I finally understood it: your brain would rather be right than happy.

When you've been conditioned to expect problems, your brain literally feels SAFER when it finds them. It's like, "Aha! I KNEW something was wrong!" even when nothing actually is.

This is why you can have the most secure, loving partner and STILL find yourself spiraling. Your nervous system is stuck in old patterns, scanning for threats that aren't there.

But gorgeous, here's the beautiful truth: you can literally retrain your brain. It takes practice, but it's so possible and I'm about to show you how.

The 3-Step Fix That Actually Works (Not Just Another Band-Aid)

Okay, let's get into the good stuff—the actual solution that transformed my relationship with overthinking:

Step 1: Train Your Brain to Look for the Good This isn't toxic positivity, bb. This is literally rewiring your neural pathways. Instead of picking apart every conversation, start actively looking for evidence that your relationship is working. What did they do today that showed they care? How are they beneficial to your life? Write it down, say it out loud, make it REAL.

Step 2: Go Deep Instead of Distracting Remember how I used to run from my feelings? Total waste of time. You don't hit water by digging a bunch of shallow holes—you have to go DEEP. When that overthinking starts, instead of Netflix or cleaning, ask yourself: "What am I actually feeling right now? What's really going on in my body?"

Step 3: Resource Yourself Instead of Outsourcing This changed everything for me. Instead of looking for your partner to solve your insecurity, learn how to fill your own cup. Self-soothe, self-regulate, become your own source of safety. When you can do this, your relationship becomes the cherry on top instead of the whole sundae.

What This Looks Like in Real Life (AKA Your New Toolkit)

I know you're probably thinking, "Okay Claire, but HOW do I actually do this when I'm mid-spiral?"

Here's your go-to game plan:

When you feel that overthinking energy starting to build, pause and check in with your body first. Where do you feel it? Your chest? Your stomach? Your shoulders? Breathe into that space.

Then ask yourself: "Am I responding to what's actually happening right now, or am I responding to a fear?" Most of the time (like 99% of the time), it's the fear talking.

Finally, actively choose to resource yourself. Take a bath, call a friend who gets it, journal, move your body in a way that feels good. Show yourself that YOU can handle this feeling—you don't need your partner to fix it for you.

The Multi-Layered Approach (Because Real Healing Isn't Linear)

Listen gorgeous, I wish I could tell you that there's one magic pill that fixes overthinking forever. But real talk? Healing is layered.

It's training your brain AND deepening into yourself AND becoming resourceful. It's not just one thing—it's a whole system working together.

For years, I was just throwing spaghetti at the wall, hoping something would stick. But when I finally got the structure and strategy (which is exactly what I teach in The Confidence Code), that's when everything clicked.

Because here's the thing: overthinking is learned behavior. You learned it to stay safe, to feel like you had some control. But now it's time to learn something new. ✨

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Download my free journal prompts and start training your brain to look for what's working in your relationship
Practice the pause next time you feel the overthinking spiral starting—check in with your body first
Join my email list because I'm working on an exclusive overthinking workshop that I'm SO excited to share with you
Be gentle with yourself through this process—you're literally rewiring years of conditioning and that takes time! 💕

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:05] Why overthinking in relationships is such a popular topic (and why Claire's sharing now)
[2:40] Growing up with scarcity mindset and how it programs your brain for negativity
[5:14] How distraction keeps you from healing (and why Claire hated running but did it anyway)
[6:54] The danger of outsourcing your happiness to other people
[8:32] The three-step fix: training your brain, going deep, and resourcing yourself
[12:51] Why this is multi-layered work (not just one magic solution)
[14:34] Upcoming overthinking workshop announcement for email subscribers

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