Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

Attachment Theory Basics: The Foundation Every Anxious Girly Needs

anxious-attachment-patterns anxious-attachment-triggers attachment-theory confident-relationships emotional-wellness relationship-insecurity self-trust-building Jul 18, 2025

Are you constantly questioning if they still like you? Watching their every move for signs they're about to leave? Feeling like you're the only one who struggles with this deep, dark secret of relationship anxiety? Gorgeous, you're not alone—and attachment theory is about to change your entire perspective on love! 💕\

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Why Attachment Theory Feels Like That Perfect Q-Tip Moment

Y'all, when I first discovered attachment theory, it was like that perfect Q-tip moment where you hit just the right spot and your whole face goes "ahhhh." 🤩 I felt SO seen, so held, and most importantly—I realized I wasn't crazy!

If you've made it this far in any of my content, then you need to hear this: You're not crazy. You're not weak. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken because, hunny, I truly believe that humans are whole and perfect in our imperfection.

Write that down. Tattoo it on your body if you need to: You are whole and perfect in your imperfection. ✨

Before I understood attachment theory, I felt really isolated and alone. It was honestly kind of dark, and I couldn't tell anybody about my relationship struggles because it felt like my deep, dark secret. But when I started learning about attachment theory, everything clicked into place.

What Is Attachment Theory (And Why It Matters for Your Love Life)

Attachment theory is essentially the roadmap to understanding how we connect with others based on our earliest experiences. It explains why you might be checking your phone every five minutes or why you're constantly seeking reassurance from your partner.

Here's the tea: Information is nothing without application. Period. 👏🏽 We can deep dive into all the feelings and patterns, but if we're not connecting the dots and taking action, we're just staying stuck in the same anxious cycle.

That's why I love taking messy action—it's part of my brand, it's part of who we are! If you want a perfect coach or perfect mentor, I'm not your girl, because relationships and who we are in relationships... perfection is just a lie. 🙈

The Four Attachment Styles (Simplified for Real Life)

Let's break down the four main attachment styles without getting too clinical:

Secure Attachment (The Goal!): These people generally feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. They communicate their needs clearly and don't spiral when their partner needs space.

Anxious Attachment (Hey, that's probably you!): This is where you're constantly seeking reassurance, overthinking every text, and feeling like you're doing all the work in the relationship.

Avoidant Attachment: These folks tend to pull away when things get too intimate or emotional. They value independence over connection.

Disorganized Attachment: A mix of anxious and avoidant patterns, often stemming from trauma or inconsistent caregiving.

The beautiful thing is that attachment styles aren't fixed. You can absolutely heal and move toward security! 💕

Why High-Achieving Women Struggle Most with Anxious Attachment

If you're climbing the corporate ladder or scaling your business and you're confident AF at what you do, but you're still struggling with "do they still like me" thoughts—this section is for you, gorgeous.

Here's what I've noticed with my high-achieving clients: you're used to being able to control outcomes through effort and performance. You've probably built your self-worth on doing, achieving, and performing. But love doesn't work that way!

When your anxious attachment flares up, you're trying to earn love through perfection instead of just being loved for who you are. This creates a toxic cycle where you're constantly performing for love instead of just receiving it.

The Deep Dark Secret That Keeps You Stuck

Let me get vulnerable with you for a second. My relationship anxiety used to be this deep, dark secret that I couldn't tell anyone about. I felt like I was the only one watching my partner's every move, analyzing every text, and spiraling when they didn't respond quickly enough.

But here's the thing—you're not the only one. So many of us high-achieving women have this same struggle. We're out here crushing it in every area of our lives except our love lives, and it's because we've never learned how to feel secure in relationship.

The isolation you feel? That's part of the pattern. Anxious attachment makes us feel like we're too much, too needy, too broken to be loved as we are.

How to Connect the Dots and Actually Heal

This is where the magic happens, boo! 🎯 Here's what really helped me connect the dots and take action so I could feel less anxious in my relationships:

Start with awareness. Notice when you're in an anxious spiral. What triggered it? What story are you telling yourself?

Get curious, not judgmental. Instead of beating yourself up for being anxious, ask: "What is this trying to tell me? What do I need right now?"

Practice self-trust. This is HUGE. When you trust yourself, you don't need constant reassurance from others.

Take messy action. Don't wait until you feel ready or perfect. Start having those uncomfortable conversations, setting those boundaries, expressing your needs—even if it feels scary.

The goal isn't to never feel anxious again. The goal is to feel the anxiety, understand what it's telling you, and respond from a place of self-trust rather than fear.

Why Your Healing Journey Isn't Linear (And That's Okay)

Real talk: healing isn't linear, gorgeous. Some days you're going to feel secure and confident, and other days you're going to spiral over a delayed text response. That's completely normal!

What matters is that you're building the tools to stop the spiral when it happens. You're learning to catch yourself in the anxious thoughts and redirect back to self-trust.

Remember, no effort is wasted. Every time you choose awareness over autopilot, every time you choose self-trust over seeking external validation, you're rewiring your nervous system for security. 👑

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Start paying attention to your attachment patterns - Notice when you're seeking reassurance, overthinking, or trying to control outcomes in your relationships.
Practice self-compassion - Stop beating yourself up for being anxious. You developed these patterns for a reason, and they've served you in some way.
Join the Healing Girl Gang - Surround yourself with other women who are on this same journey. You don't have to do this alone!
Begin building self-trust - Start with small decisions. Trust your gut about what you need, what you want, and what feels right for you.

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:00] Welcome to the Be That Healing Girl podcast and today's topic: attachment theory basics
[1:00] Why Claire loves taking messy action and doesn't edit her podcast episodes
[2:42] The Q-tip moment of discovering attachment theory and feeling seen
[3:26] You're not crazy, weak, or broken - you're whole and perfect in your imperfection
[4:03] How attachment theory helped Claire feel less isolated and alone
[4:32] Getting ready to dive into attachment theory basics
[4:36] The importance of connecting the dots between information and application

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