Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

How to Heal After a Relationship Ends (The Gentle Way)

anxious-attachment-breakup breakup-healing breakup-self-care emotional-healing healing-after-relationship-ends relationship-anxiety relationship-recovery Aug 11, 2025

Are you stuck replaying every moment of your relationship that just ended? Beating yourself up about what you could have done differently? Gorgeous, I see you—and I'm here to help you heal in the most loving way possible. 💕

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The Truth About "Doing" vs "Being" in Relationships

Here's something that might blow your mind, boo: when a relationship ends, most of us immediately go into "what did I do wrong?" mode. Did I text too much? Not enough? Should I have been more romantic? Less needy?

But hunny, relationships aren't about what you DO—they're about who you're BEING.

I learned this the hard way when I lost my friend Ryan this week. He passed away unexpectedly, and I caught myself spiraling into all those familiar questions. Could I have called more? Texted differently? Been a better friend? 🤔

When I looked back at our last text exchanges, I realized something beautiful: I felt really good about who I was being with Ryan. It wasn't about the frequency of our messages or the things we did together—it was about the care, compassion, and authenticity I brought to our friendship.

The same applies to your romantic relationships, gorgeous. When you focus on being someone who shows up with love, presence, and authenticity, you can rest easy knowing you gave your best self to that connection.

Stop Asking "Why" and Start Embracing "What Is"

Okay, real talk time: obsessing over "why" your relationship ended is keeping you stuck in the past. 💔

I know it's human nature to want answers. Why didn't it work? Why doesn't he love me anymore? Why did everything fall apart when things seemed good? Trust me, I've been there with my friends, trying to piece together all the details and circumstances.

But here's what I realized: "why" looks backward, and there's nothing you can do to change the past. Instead of ruminating on why it happened, focus on what is true right now.

What's true might be:

You miss them deeply
The relationship taught you something valuable
You're hurting, and that's completely valid
You have love to give and deserve love in return ✨

This shift from "why" to "what is" isn't about minimizing your pain—it's about channeling your energy toward healing instead of self-punishment.

The Most Important Phrase for Any Transition

Years ago, when my childhood dog passed away, a dear friend shared something with me that completely changed how I view difficult transitions. She said: "Even in the best of circumstances, transition is hard."

Let that sink in for a moment.

Even if you're moving to your dream city, you still have to pack, drive the U-Haul, and unpack everything. Even if someone passes peacefully in their sleep, it's still devastating for those left behind. Even if your breakup was mutual and "the right thing," it's still going to hurt like hell. 🥺

This isn't a flaw in you—this is the human experience.

Transition itself is inherently challenging, regardless of the circumstances. When you understand this, you can stop beating yourself up for struggling and start treating yourself with the compassion you deserve.

Finding Gratitude in the Pain (Without Toxic Positivity)

I'm not about to tell you to "just be grateful" while your heart is breaking—that's not real healing, boo. But when you're ready (and only when YOU'RE ready), there's something powerful about asking: What am I grateful for from this experience?

With Ryan, I'm grateful for:

The belly laughs and inside jokes we shared
His big teddy bear energy that made everyone feel seen
The way he showed up as a friend when I needed support
How he taught me that true friendship isn't about frequency of contact 💕

For your relationship, it might be:

Learning what you actually want in a partner
Discovering your own strength through the healing process
Moments of genuine connection and love you experienced
Growth that happened because of this person being in your life

Gratitude doesn't erase the pain—it helps you carry forward the gifts while honoring what you've lost.

How to Be Gentle With Yourself Through the Healing

Sweet girl, if you take nothing else from this post, please take this: be as gentle with yourself as you would be with your best friend going through a breakup. 👑

Think about it—if your bestie came to you heartbroken, would you tell her she should have done more? That she wasn't enough? That she should just get over it already?

Hell no! You'd probably:

Bring her ice cream and tissues
Remind her of how amazing she is
Validate that breakups are genuinely hard
Encourage her to take things one day at a time

You deserve that same tenderness from yourself.

This is your reminder to hug the people you love, tell them you care about them, and most importantly—seek support. I wouldn't be navigating my own grief without the right people around me, and you don't have to do this alone either. 🤗

The Sweet and Bitter of Human Connection

Here's something I've learned about life: the sweet isn't as sweet without the bitter. We need contrast to fully appreciate the beautiful moments we get to experience.

Yes, it's devastating that beautiful people and relationships can be gone in an instant. But that's also what makes them precious. The temporary nature of connection doesn't diminish its value—it actually makes it more sacred.

When I see redheads now, I'll think of Ryan and feel grateful for the light he brought into my life. When you think of your ex, you get to choose whether you focus on the loss or the love you experienced.

Both are valid, gorgeous. Healing isn't about choosing one over the other—it's about holding both with grace. ✨

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Focus on who you were being in the relationship, not what you could have done differently
Practice shifting from "why" questions to "what is true" statements when you catch yourself ruminating
Remind yourself daily that "even in the best circumstances, transition is hard" and give yourself permission to struggle
Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist because healing happens in connection with others

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:18] Claire opens up about experiencing a relationship ending and losing her friend Ryan
[2:51] The importance of focusing on "being" vs "doing" in relationships
[6:26] Why getting stuck on "why" keeps you trapped in the past
[7:52] Shifting focus from "why" to "what is true" for healing
[11:37] The powerful phrase: "even in the best circumstances, transition is hard"
[13:15] How contrast (sweet and bitter) is essential to the human experience
[16:44] Final reminders about being gentle with yourself and seeking support

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