Are you constantly needing more validation even when your person just told you you're pretty? Do you feel compelled to call your friend the moment you don't get that text back? Girl, your anxious attachment triggers are running the show—and I'm here to help you understand what's really happening and how to heal it! 💕

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The Validation Compulsion That's Actually Making Things Worse

Let me get real with you for a second, gorgeous. External validation feels SO good in the moment, but here's the truth bomb: it's actually reinforcing the compulsion and making your anxious attachment worse. 😮‍💨

I know this might be hard to hear, but when you need that compliment repeated, when you need them to tell you you're pretty again even though they just said it, you're actually doing more damage to yourself and your relationship by feeding the compulsion.

In my own healing journey, I noticed this parallel between my validation-seeking and my past struggles with food. Just like I needed more and more food to feel satisfied, I needed more and more compliments to feel worthy. My threshold kept growing—and that's when I realized this was operating like an addiction cycle.

The relief I want to offer you is this: you are not your thoughts that are driving the compulsion. You are not the actions of the compulsion. You are actually something different. ✨

Why Anxious Attachment Feels Like a Compulsion

Here's what I've learned through my own experience and working with clients: anxious attachment can feel like a compulsion because there's a cycle happening.

They give you the compliment, and it's like 5 minutes, 5 days, or 5 weeks later—you didn't hear it the first time and you need to hear it again. Sound familiar? 🙈

The way to heal this isn't to white-knuckle your way through it or try to just "stop" needing validation. The path forward is learning to be in the discomfort without going to the compulsion. It's simple but not always easy, which is why having the right tools, process, and support is so important.

Breaking the Cycle: Tracy's Story (And Maybe Yours Too)

Let me share a question from one of my Healing Girl Gang members, Tracy, because I bet her story sounds familiar:

"I seem to continually pick unavailable men who only give me bits of time and attention. I'm willing to settle for a couple weeks, then I assert myself and break up, only to feel alone and sad, which leads me to reach out again. It's an awful cycle. I just want someone to care about me, think about me, and sexually desire me, but I don't want to be smothered. I'm so lonely when I don't have someone in the wings. What's wrong with me?"

First, Tracy (and gorgeous, this goes for you too): there is nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. 👑

What's happening here is a pattern, a cycle, and we're literally creatures of habit. We keep doing the same thing because that's how our brains are structured—we learn through association.

The Subconscious Belief That's Creating Your Reality

Here's where it gets deep, boo. When I see someone repeatedly attracted to unavailable people, there's usually a subconscious belief at play. And this might sound wild, but when we believe something deeply (like "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not worthy of love"), we create situations where our reality reflects that belief.

I've been there myself—attracted to a married man because that was a reflection of my own internal belief that I wasn't worthy. I was literally creating situations that confirmed what I believed about myself deep down.

Your subconscious beliefs are things you picked up in order to survive. Somewhere along the line, you learned that you weren't good enough, that you had to be prettier, more attractive, or more whatever to be worthy of love. And now that belief is ruling your life because you're creating a reality that reflects it.

The Self-Trust Solution You've Been Missing

Here's what most people don't realize: the antidote to anxious attachment triggers isn't more information or more strategies. It's building unshakeable self-trust. 💪🏽

Self-trust is putting the plane together as you fly. It's something you can build step by step, in the moment, so you don't need that external validation to feel worthy.

When you trust yourself deeply, you'll be able to:

• Trust the process and timing of your relationship
• Trust them when they say they like or love you
• Trust your own decisions and boundaries
• Stop the constant fear of the other shoe dropping

Moving From Information to Transformation

I know you've probably saved a thousand social media posts, listened to countless podcasts (hey girl! 👋🏽), and read all the books. But here's the thing: information is nothing without application, and sometimes all that consuming is actually reinforcing the problem instead of solving it.

What you need isn't more information—you need a process. You need support. You need to get to the root of those subconscious patterns that are driving your anxious attachment triggers.

The path to healing involves challenging those deep beliefs about your worthiness and learning new ways of being in relationship that feel aligned with who you truly are. 🤩

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Notice your validation-seeking patterns without judgment—just get curious about when and why they show up
2. Practice sitting with discomfort for small moments without immediately seeking reassurance or calling a friend
3. Challenge the belief that you're not good enough by asking yourself: where did I learn this and is it actually true?
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang for ongoing support and tools to build unshakeable self-trust

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:04] Introduction to healing anxious attachment triggers around validation
• [2:30] Why external validation becomes a compulsion that makes things worse
• [4:45] The parallel between validation-seeking and addiction cycles
• [7:26] Tracy's question about picking unavailable partners and feeling stuck
• [9:52] How subconscious beliefs create your relationship reality
• [11:19] Why we pick up limiting beliefs as survival mechanisms
• [12:32] The importance of building self-trust as the foundation for healing

Related Posts You'll Love:

• How to build self-trust (after a lifetime of self-abandonment)
• How To Stop Needing Constant Reassurance in Your Relationship
• 3 Reasons Your Anxious Attachment Isn't Healing
• Why You Keep Pushing Good People Away (And How to Stop)

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫