Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

Holiday Relationship Anxiety: Surviving Time Apart This Season

anxious-attachment-healing anxious-attachment-holidays holiday-communication-tips holiday-relationship-anxiety holiday-relationship-stress relationship-anxiety-triggers spending-holidays-apart-relationship Aug 17, 2025

Feeling anxious about spending the holidays apart from your partner? Overthinking every missed call and delayed text? Your anxious attachment is in FULL swing, and gorgeous, I totally get it! 💕

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Why Holiday Time Apart Triggers Your Anxious Attachment

Listen gorgeous, if you're reading this with your stomach in knots because you and your person are spending the holidays apart, I see you! 🙈 As someone who lived through the most tumultuous first two years of my relationship (hello, long distance AND anxious-avoidant dynamics), I know exactly how hard this season can be.

Here's the thing about holidays - they're already emotionally charged, right? Add in anxious attachment and time apart, and suddenly you're spiraling about every unanswered text. But what if I told you that this challenging time could actually be the biggest gift for your relationship?

When my husband and I were six months in (which, let's be real, is basically a baby sprout of a relationship 🌱), I made the emotionally mature decision to spend our first holiday apart. Was it easy? Absolutely not. But it taught us how to repair, communicate, and build something stronger.

The New Year's Eve Disaster That Saved My Relationship

Y'all, I'm about to get REAL vulnerable here because this story changed everything for us. Picture this: I'm on East Coast time in Virginia, he's in Colorado, and I'm watching the ball drop on New Year's Eve. 3... 2... 1... Happy New Year! 🎉

And... crickets. No call.

12:05... 12:10... 12:15... still nothing. My anxious attachment was in FULL panic mode. I felt abandoned, hurt, and honestly? I was pissed. But here's what I did differently - instead of shutting down or going into full victim mode, I called him.

I vulnerably told him how much it meant to me and that I was hurt he didn't think to call. Was it perfect? Not even close. But this moment taught us how to repair, and according to the Gottman Institute, successful couples aren't the ones who never fight - they're the ones who know how to come back together. ✨

Stop Making Communication About Ultimatums

Here's where my anxious girlies get it twisted (and I love you, but we gotta talk about this!). You make a request - which is totally valid - but then you attach this massive expectation that if they don't meet it exactly, it's game over.

Sound familiar? You ask for something, they don't deliver perfectly, so you give an ultimatum, block them, break up, then unblock them three months later. That's not boundaries, boo - that's black and white thinking. 🖤🤍

Real boundaries are a dance, a tango of figuring things out together. When I set that boundary with my husband about New Year's, it wasn't about controlling him - it was about understanding what felt aligned for ME and communicating that vulnerably.

Your "Needs" Might Actually Be Expectations in Disguise

Let's talk about needs for a hot second because I hear this ALL the time: "I NEED him to call me every day" or "I NEED constant reassurance." Gorgeous, I need you to hear this with so much love - just because you have a need doesn't mean someone else is always going to be able to meet it. 💕

In my marriage, some days I'm giving 60% and he's giving 40%. Other days, he's at 60% and I'm at 40%. That's the reality of relationships - it's not always going to be 110% from both people because that's not sustainable!

The key is flexibility. When you're struggling with low self-esteem or a weak sense of self, setting healthy boundaries becomes so much harder because you're not used to advocating for yourself.

The Game-Changing Communication Schedule Strategy

Okay, here's my HOT TIP that I still use to this day whenever we're going to be apart or when communication might get funky - create a schedule together! 📅

This might sound rigid if you're a people-pleaser (because it means you actually have to communicate your needs), but trust me on this. Here's how it works:

Start with honest communication: "Hey, my family opens presents on Christmas Eve, so I probably won't be available to talk then. When works for you?"

Maybe they say: "We do Christmas morning traditionally, but I could call before your family thing or after?"

Boom! Now you're on the same page instead of having these floating expectations that nobody actually knows about. You can see where your schedules align and where you need to be flexible.

Embrace the Beautiful Mess of Imperfect Relationships

Here's what I wish someone had told me during that first holiday season: relationships aren't supposed to be perfect. When we expect perfection, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment because that's literally not reality.

The research shows that healthy couples aren't the ones living in constant harmony - they're the ones who learn how to navigate conflict and repair when things get messy. 🌊

Whatever happens during this time apart, you get to learn and practice these skills. It might not feel like a blessing in the moment (trust me, I know), but learning how to repair, communicate vulnerably, and get on the same page? That's relationship gold, gorgeous.

Give Yourself (and Your Schedule) Some Grace

One last thing my anxious girlies need to hear: schedules change! People show up late, dinner runs long, family drama happens. Even if you create the most beautiful communication plan, be prepared to roll with the punches.

This is hard for us anxious girlies because we want that security and predictability. But part of healing is learning to be flexible and give grace - both to your partner AND yourself. It's the giving season after all! 🎁

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Create a communication schedule with your partner before you're apart - discuss family traditions, timing, and realistic expectations
Practice vulnerability instead of giving ultimatums when things don't go perfectly according to plan
Work on your sense of self outside the relationship so setting boundaries feels more natural and less scary
Join the Healing Girl Gang for support from other girlies navigating anxious attachment during the holidays

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:37] Introduction to spending time apart and communication challenges during holidays
[2:11] Claire's personal story about her first holiday season with her husband at 6 months in
[5:34] The New Year's Eve incident that taught them how to repair their relationship
[7:23] Research on successful couples and the importance of repair over perfection
[10:42] How anxious attachment makes communication requests turn into ultimatums
[13:29] Understanding the difference between needs and expectations in relationships
[14:57] The hot tip: creating a communication schedule to stay connected while apart

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