Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

Feeling "Too Much" in Your Relationship? Here's The Truth

anxious-attachment-patterns authentic-vulnerability-love dating-anxiety-triggers emotional-regulation-tips feeling-emotionally-too-much relationship-emotional-safety secure-relationships Jul 21, 2025

Are you constantly apologizing for your emotions? Feeling like you need to put a lid on your feelings to keep your partner comfortable? Spiraling into "I'm too much" thoughts every time you cry or express yourself? Girl, your conditioning is showing—and I'm here to help you heal it! 💕

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The Real Reason You Feel "Too Much" (Hint: It's Not About You)

Let me start with some truth, gorgeous: feeling like you're "too much" isn't actually about being too much—it's about your internal rulebook.

You know that little voice that whispers "emotions are messy," "crying isn't okay," or "good girls don't show their feelings"? That's your conditioning talking, not reality! 🙈

I see this ALL the time with my one-on-one clients (especially my high-achieving girlies). Just last week, I had a session with one of my dear clients who was in the middle of an intense trigger. She kept apologizing—"I'm sorry I'm crying," over and over again. It was SO obvious that her internal rulebook said emotions and crying are really messy and shouldn't be shown.

Here's what I need you to understand: Authenticity is messy. Vulnerability is messy. Emotions are messy. AND RELATIONSHIPS ARE MESSY. If you're trying to keep everything clean and contained, you're actually hiding from intimacy, not creating it.

Why High-Achievers Struggle With Emotional Expression

Okay bb, this one's specifically for my high-performing queens with letters behind their names! 👑

The same rigidity that got you those achievements is now holding you back in your relationship. Think about it—to get those grades, climb that corporate ladder, or earn that advanced degree, you had to be pretty rigid, right?

You learned early that love had to be earned:

Get the grades = earn love
Win the competition = earn safety
Achieve the goal = earn connection
Be perfect = be worthy

But here's the plot twist: partnership doesn't work like a performance review! When you bring that same rigid energy into your relationship, you're essentially putting your emotions in a box labeled "unprofessional" or "too much."

Your internal rulebook might sound like: "To earn love, I have to be composed. Emotions are weakness. Crying is messy. Good partners don't burden others with their feelings."

Your Partner Is Your Mirror (Even When It's Uncomfortable)

This is where it gets REALLY good, gorgeous! ✨

Whether your partner is secure and lovely or a little avoidant, they're meant to be your mirror. And mirrors? They show us exactly where we can heal.

I used to blow up GOOD relationships because when a secure partner offered me safety and comfort, I wasn't ready to accept it. My internal belief was "this is too good to be true" and "people eventually leave," so I'd self-sabotage before they could hurt me. Classic, right? 🤩

If you feel like you're "too much," that's your invitation to look at your deepest belief about your own enoughness. Your partner isn't there to confirm you're too much—they're there to help you heal the part of you that believes you're not enough exactly as you are.

The Difference Between Emotions Moving Through You vs. Moving You

Here's where the magic happens, boo! There's a huge difference between:

Emotions moving THROUGH you (healthy processing)
Emotions moving YOU (being run by your feelings)

Think of emotions like visitors in a guest house (shoutout to that beautiful Rumi poem!). They come in, they might sweep through the whole house, and then they leave. Your job isn't to kick them out—it's to let them pass through without setting up permanent residence.

When you're still building your emotional vocabulary and fluency, you won't have good discernment. You'll just be riding the emotions instead of allowing them to flow through you with awareness and understanding.

Building Your Emotional Intelligence (AKA Your Secret Weapon)

Let me break this down into something actionable, gorgeous! 💕

Emotional intelligence has layers:

Vocabulary: Do you have words for what you're feeling beyond "good" or "bad"?
Fluency: Can you have a conversation WITH your emotions instead of being hijacked BY them?
Discernment: Can you tell the difference between a protective response and your highest alignment?

It's like Craig thinking he's fluent in Spanish after a couple margaritas—having a few emotional words doesn't mean you're fluent! 🙈

When you can navigate your emotions with skill, you'll have more ability to understand: "Okay, this is just high emotion, and this isn't me from my highest alignment."

The Truth About "Too Much" vs. Authenticity

Here's what I want you to remember, bb: Authenticity requires vulnerability. Vulnerability requires showing your emotions. And healthy relationships NEED intimacy.

You can't get intimate if you're not vulnerable. You can't be vulnerable if you're hiding your emotional depth and width from your partner.

The real question isn't "Am I too much?" The real question is "What does 'too much' even mean to me, and where did I learn that?"

Maybe you learned that emotions need to be separate, put away, not okay "out in the wild." But gorgeous, that's not serving your relationship—it's serving your old conditioning.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Get curious about your "too much" story - Where did you first learn that emotions were messy or unwelcome?
Start building your emotional vocabulary - Practice naming specific emotions instead of just "good" or "bad"
Notice when you apologize for feeling - Catch yourself saying "sorry for crying" and pause instead
Join the Healing Girl Gang - We work on emotional intelligence and authentic expression every single month

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:03] Why you feel like your emotions need a tight lid on them
[5:25] The question I ask when someone says they're "too much"
[8:07] Why authenticity, vulnerability, and relationships are ALL messy
[9:57] How rigidity helps high-achievers but hurts relationships
[11:23] Your partner as your mirror (and why that's beautiful!)
[15:54] Real client example of feeling "too much" after a breakup
[19:30] The difference between emotions moving through you vs. moving you

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