Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

Your 2024 Dating Goals Guide (Without the Resolution BS)

building-self-trust confident-dating dating-anxiety-help dating-without-desperation relationship-goals-2024 secure-dating-mindset Aug 12, 2025

Are you tired of making the same relationship resolutions every year? Setting goals to "find love" only to end up more frustrated and anxious than before? Girl, what if I told you the problem isn't your dating life—it's how you're approaching your goals? Let me show you how to make 2024 YOUR year for love! 💕

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Why Traditional Dating Resolutions Always Fail

Okay gorgeous, let's get real for a hot minute. 🤚🏽 I've seen it year after year after year—January rolls around and everyone's making these big declarations about finding love, getting married, or meeting "the one." By February? Crickets.

And here's the tea: it's not because you're not worthy of love or because there aren't good people out there. The problem is how you're making these resolutions.

Most people make dating goals from a place of contraction, restriction, and fear. It's giving "I HAVE to find someone" energy, which is honestly just going to push good people away. Think about it—when you're desperate to make something happen, people can feel that vibe from a mile away! 🙈

I learned this the hard way through my fitness background (yes, I used to be a personal trainer and yoga instructor!). Every January, gyms would be PACKED with new faces, all making resolutions from this place of punishment and "I have to change." By February? Gone. Why? Because you can't bully yourself into lasting change, boo.

The Energy Behind Your Dating Goals Matters More Than You Think

Here's what I want you to understand: energy is everything. How you think, how you feel, your subconscious thoughts and feelings—they're always driving the machine of your behavior.

When we approach dating from contraction and fear (like "I'm running out of time" or "I have to prove I'm worthy"), we end up acting like we're chasing a deer in the forest. You're just going to scare people off! 🦌

I see this all the time with my high-achieving clients. You're crushing it in every other area of your life, but when it comes to love, you treat it like another achievement to unlock. People don't want to feel like a checkmark on your list, gorgeous!

This reminds me of training my first dog years ago. When I tried to change his behavior from a place of fear and "bad dog" energy, he was absolutely chaotic. But with my current pup, using a gentle approach without shame or blame? Night and day difference. The same principle applies to how we approach our own growth and dating life.

Focus vs. Fixation: The Game-Changer You Need

Instead of making resolutions, I want to invite you to create a focus for 2024. And honey, there's a HUGE difference between focus and fixation! ✨

In yoga, there's this concept called "drishti"—it's where your gaze is focused during balancing poses. You're looking at one spot, but it's a soft focus. You're still aware of everything else around you, not tunnel-visioned and rigid.

Fixation in dating looks like:

"I HAVE to get married this year"
"I HAVE to make this person like me"
"I HAVE to get a ring"

Focus in dating looks like:

"I'm staying open to connection"
"I'm practicing vulnerability with the right people"
"I'm building self-trust in myself"

Can you feel the difference in energy? One feels desperate and contracted, the other feels expansive and magnetic. Which one do you think attracts secure, healthy people? 💕

Self-Trust: The Secret Sauce to Magnetic Dating

Now here's my hot tip that I do every single year, and honestly this is going to be my third year focusing on this specific thing that has brought my husband and I SO much closer: self-trust.

When we deeply trust ourselves—when we trust our commitment to ourselves, our follow-through, our agreements with ourselves—THAT is what builds confidence. That's what magnetizes people to you, whether it's a random person or your future partner! 👑

I'll be real with you—a couple years ago, I thought I trusted myself, but it was honestly a big front. I would slip on agreements with myself, be flaky in certain areas, not follow through. And guess what? That energy showed up in my relationships too.

If you want to bring people closer and create more intimacy, it starts with trusting yourself. When you can't trust yourself to follow through on small commitments, how can you expect to feel confident in bigger relationship decisions?

How to Build Unshakeable Self-Trust in Your Dating Life

Building self-trust isn't about being perfect, boo. It's about consistently showing up for yourself in small ways that compound over time.

Start with these micro-commitments:

If you say you're going to text back by a certain time, do it
Honor your boundaries (even when it feels uncomfortable)
Follow through on plans you make with yourself
Stop over-promising and under-delivering to yourself

The opposite of self-trust is self-sabotage, and if you're struggling with that pattern, you're definitely not alone! This is exactly why I'm so passionate about helping high-achieving women break these cycles.

When you trust yourself, you show up differently in dating. You're not seeking validation because you're already giving it to yourself. You're not overthinking every text because you trust your judgment. You're not people-pleasing because you trust that the right person will appreciate your authentic self.

Making 2024 Different: Your Gentle Approach to Love

Here's what I want your 2024 focus to be: approach dating and relationships like you're nurturing a garden, not hunting for prey. 🌱

Instead of "I need to find someone," try "I'm cultivating the kind of person I want to attract." Instead of "I have to make this work," try "I'm staying open to what wants to unfold."

This isn't about being passive—it's about approaching love from expansion instead of contraction. It's about building such a strong foundation of self-trust that you become irresistible to the right person.

Remember, gorgeous: the energy you bring to dating is everything. People can feel whether you're coming from desperation or from wholeness. And let me tell you, wholeness is SO much more attractive! ✨

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Choose one focus word for 2024 instead of making a resolution list. Let it be something like "trust," "openness," or "presence."
Start building self-trust with micro-commitments that you can actually keep. Think small, consistent actions rather than dramatic changes.
Notice when you're operating from contraction vs. expansion in your dating life. Are you chasing or attracting? Forcing or allowing?
Join my free dating challenge happening in January where we'll dive deep into making dating an act of finding your soulmate without the self-sabotage!

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:02] Why this new year can be different for your love life
[2:23] Claire's fitness background and why resolutions don't work
[4:47] The energy behind resolutions and why they backfire
[8:44] How treating relationships like achievements pushes people away
[10:11] The difference between focus and fixation in dating
[13:21] The hot tip: building self-trust to magnetize love
[15:18] How self-sabotage is the opposite of self-trust

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