Anxious When He's Out of Town? Here's How to Feel Secure
Jul 25, 2025Are you spiraling every time he goes on a work trip? Checking your phone obsessively and imagining the worst-case scenarios? Girl, I've been EXACTLY where you are—and I'm here to help you feel secure even when he's miles away! ๐
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Why You Feel Anxious When He's Away (It's Not What You Think)
Let me start by saying this: your anxiety when he's out of town isn't actually about him. ๐ I know, I know—that might sting a little, but stick with me gorgeous!
When my husband Craig goes out of town now, I barely even think about it. Yesterday he was gone and I realized my day looked exactly the same as when he's here! But honey, this wasn't always the case. I used to be the girl who would spiral thinking he was going to kiss someone at a bar or go to a strip club. The anxiety was REAL and it was consuming.
The difference between then and now? I learned to be honest with myself and communicate authentically. Before Craig, I was engaged to someone else (yes, wedding dress bought and everything!), and when he went out of town to help a friend move—with his ex who was still pining for him—I pretended I was totally cool with it. Spoiler alert: I was NOT cool with it, and years later found out my gut was right. ๐ฎ๐จ
But here's the thing—I can't just blame him. The real issue was that I wasn't being honest with myself or communicating my actual feelings.
The Truth About What's Really Happening
Your anxious attachment doesn't magically disappear when you get into a committed relationship or get married. I used to think marriage would cure my relationship anxiety, but that's not how it works! Your attachment style is how you learned to get love and connection, and it's always going to be there.
When he's away and you're spiraling, you're dealing with three core issues:
You're not communicating authentically. Instead of saying "Hey, I feel uncomfortable about this situation," you're playing the cool girl who's totally fine with everything. But inside? You're dying. ๐
You're attached to what your brain makes things mean. You've made his actions mean something about your worth or the relationship's security, rather than looking at what's actually real.
You're not being honest with yourself. You'd rather believe what you want to believe than face the truth of what's really happening.
How I Stopped Spiraling (The Real Tea โ)
The transformation didn't happen overnight, but here's what actually worked:
I became my husband's "life truth partner" and he became mine. Our job is to be honest with each other all the time, even if we think it might hurt in the moment. When something feels sketchy or scary, I say it. When I'm worried, I communicate it instead of pretending to be the unbothered queen.
This doesn't mean emotionally vomiting on your partner! There's a difference between healthy communication and dumping all your unregulated emotions on someone. When you have emotional intelligence, you can convey your feelings in a way that invites connection rather than creates chaos.
Stop Making It Mean Something It Doesn't
Gorgeous, we live in a society that conditions us to think we're only valuable if we're in a relationship. We celebrate engagement announcements and wedding culture, but we don't teach what it actually takes to stay married and build secure love. โจ
You might be with someone where your gut is telling you something's off, and instead of listening to that intuition, you're making the relationship mean something about your worth. Are you attached to the title? The idea of moving fast? The illusion of security?
Sometimes we're so focused on the good morning texts or the fact that "we're together" that we miss the bigger picture of whether this person is actually aligned for us. He could be texting good morning to 15 other people—who knows! ๐คท๐ฝโ๏ธ
The Hard Truth About Self-Honesty
Here's where I'm going to lovingly call you out: how honest are you really being with yourself?
Back in my previous relationship, I wasn't honest with myself because I wanted to believe what I wanted to believe rather than face the truth. I ignored my gut feelings because I was so attached to the idea of us being "so in love" and moving in together.
Self-trust starts with being radically honest with yourself. Don't pretend to be the cool girl when inside you're actually not okay. Your feelings are valid, and pretending they don't exist only makes them stronger.
When you're strong and clear in your sense of self, when you're confident in who you are, you can handle whatever comes your way. And if someone does something that violates your trust? You let them go. It hurts, but you recover faster with more clarity. ๐
My Hot Tip for Calming Your System
Yesterday I did something that completely shifted my energy, and I want to share it with you! I was dealing with some major life stress (litigation stuff—ugh), and instead of doom-scrolling on my phone like I usually would, I took my butt outside for a 40-minute walk. No phone, just me and nature.
Get outside, get some sun on your face, and be present. I know it sounds simple, but for us anxious girlies, this isn't always easy to do. But when you get into nature without distractions, something magical happens. You remember that you're okay, that you're safe, and that you can handle whatever comes your way. ๐
Next Steps For The Anxious Girly
If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:
- Practice radical honesty with yourself - Stop pretending you're cool when you're not. Your feelings are information, not inconveniences.
- Communicate vulnerably instead of playing cool - Tell your partner when something feels uncomfortable rather than stuffing it down and spiraling later.
- Question what you're making situations mean - Is this about him actually doing something wrong, or about what your brain is making it mean about your worth?
- Go outside and ground yourself - When anxiety hits, get into nature without your phone and let your nervous system reset.
Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.
Key Moments in This Episode
- [0:07] Why you spiral when he goes out of town and the worst-case scenarios your brain creates
- [4:19] Claire's reality check about marriage not curing anxious attachment
- [6:02] The story of Claire's previous engagement and the red flags she ignored
- [10:45] What actually happened with the ex years later (plot twist!)
- [11:29] The three core problems that create relationship anxiety when he's away
- [17:00] How to be "life truth partners" and communicate authentically
- [19:35] Claire's hot tip for calming your nervous system naturally
Related Posts You'll Love:
- How to FEEL more SECURE in Your Relationship (for overachieving women)
- How to build self-trust (after a lifetime of self-abandonment)
- How to Feel Secure When You're Apart in Your Relationship
- How to Stop Self-Silencing and Express Your Feelings (Without Drama)
Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! ๐ซ
