Why You Get Anxious in Your Relationship (+ How to Heal It)
Aug 22, 2025Are you constantly checking your phone? Overthinking every text? Spiraling when they don't respond right away? Girl, your anxious attachment is showing—and I'm here to help you heal it from the root up! π
Ready to Ditch the Relationship Anxiety For Good?
Honey, if you're DONE with the constant overthinking and ready to feel secure AF in your relationships, I've got you covered! Check out these game-changing resources:
π Healing Girl Gang: Your new sisterhood of support - JOIN NOW
π₯ The Confidence Code: My signature program to heal anxious attachment from the inside out - TRANSFORM YOUR LOVE LIFE
π Self-Sabotage Slay-Over: Stop getting in your own way - CLAIM YOUR POWER
π VIP 1:1 Coaching: Personalized support just for you - BOOK YOUR SESSION
Let's Keep This Healing Party Going! π
- πΊ YouTube: Subscribe for Weekly Inspo
- πΈ Instagram: Join the Healing Fam
- π₯ TikTok: More Healing Goodness
Your most secure, confident self is waiting. Let's make it happen, bb! π
The Surface-Level Mistake That's Keeping You Stuck
Okay gorgeous, let's get real for a hot minute. π€ Most people try to heal their anxious attachment by treating the symptoms instead of the actual root cause.
You know what I'm talking about:
- "Just don't text him back right away"
- "Put your phone on airplane mode"
- "Get busy with your own life"
- "Stop overthinking!"
While these tips might help temporarily, they're like taking cough medicine for pneumonia. Sure, it stops the coughing for a bit, but you're not actually healing what's making you sick!
I learned this the hard way during my epic poison ivy situation last summer (don't ask π). I was on steroids for almost 60 days because I kept treating the surface symptoms instead of addressing what was really going on underneath.
The same thing happens with anxious attachment. When you only work on the surface level, you'll keep finding yourself in that same anxious spiral no matter how many "tips" you try.
Your Subconscious Is Running the Show (And You Don't Even Know It)
Here's what blew my mind during my own healing journey: anxious attachment lives in your subconscious. π§
Your subconscious thoughts, feelings, and actions are driving most of your behavior on a daily basis. That's why you can logically KNOW that your partner loves you, but still panic when they don't text back within an hour.
I used to think I could just find a secure partner and all my problems would disappear. Newsflash: it didn't work! π£ I found the most wonderfully secure human and then proceeded to absolutely nuke the relationship because I hadn't done the deep inner work.
As much as I hate to admit it (thanks Taylor Swift): "Hi, I'm the drama, it's me!" π€
The common denominator in all my relationship chaos? Me. And that was actually the BEST news because it meant I had the power to change it!
The High-Achiever's Hidden Anxious Attachment Trap
If you're crushing it in every area of your life except your love life, there's a specific reason why, boo. π
For us high-achieving girlies, the root often comes down to this toxic belief: "I'm only worthy of love because of what I DO, not who I AM."
Does this sound familiar?
- You feel most valuable when you're accomplishing something
- You've collected degrees, certifications, or major achievements
- You're known as the "together" friend who has her life figured out
- Deep down, you worry if anyone would love you without all your "doing"
I was SO guilty of this! I thought I was only worthy if I could do 200-pound barbell squats, nail handstands, or crush it at work. I was a human DOING instead of a human BEING.
This creates relationship chaos because you're seeing love as transactional. You think you have to earn love through performance, which is the complete opposite of what love actually is! π
Finding Your Root: Where Your Anxiety Really Started
When I dug into my own anxious attachment triggers, I discovered something major: the root of ALL attachment styles is fear.
For me, my anxious attachment came from growing up with a lot of:
- Unpredictability and reactivity
- Emotional volatility in my household
- Never feeling sure when things would be safe
- Pressure to perform or "be good" to get love and connection
Maybe your story looks different, but I bet there was some version of safety not being guaranteed in your early experience.
You developed strategies to survive and get connection—whether that was being perfect, people-pleasing, or constantly seeking reassurance. These strategies worked when you were little, but now they're creating chaos in your adult relationships! π
Why Your Smart Girl Strategies Aren't Working
If you're reading this, you're probably smart AF. You've likely got a whole list of things you've tried to heal your anxious attachment:
- Therapy β
- Journaling β
- Podcasts β
- Self-help books β
- Yoga and meditation β
But here's the plot twist that changed everything for me: sometimes that "doing" and "knowing" mindset is exactly what's holding you back.
We think we can think our way out of anxious attachment, but we can't outsmart our subconscious! We have to get into the body and actually FEEL our way through it.
The Body-Focused Healing Secret That Changes Everything
Before you can even tackle the mindset work, you need to start healing from a body and nervous system perspective. β¨
Here's the truth bomb: feeling is healing. We have to feel and allow our emotions to move through us, otherwise we'll always be at their mercy.
When you can actually be present in your body and regulate your nervous system, you stop needing constant external reassurance. You create safety from within instead of trying to control your partner's every move.
This was the missing piece for me! I had to learn how to be WITH my emotions instead of trying to manage, control, or fix them. Great leaders don't bark orders—they understand, feel, and connect. That's what we need to do with our own emotions too.
Next Steps For The Anxious Girly
If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:
- Start practicing presence in your body daily - Even 5 minutes of breathwork or meditation can start rewiring your nervous system
- Notice when you're seeking validation through "doing" - Catch yourself trying to earn love instead of just receiving it
- Get curious about your fear responses - When relationship anxiety strikes, ask "what am I really afraid of?"
- Join the Healing Girl Gang community - Surround yourself with other girlies on this same healing journey π―βοΈ
Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.
Key Moments in This Episode
- [0:07] Why you can't stop checking your phone and overthinking his texts
- [1:24] The "throwing darts at a dartboard" feeling when nothing seems to work
- [4:30] The first mistake: treating symptoms instead of the root cause
- [8:16] How your subconscious is sabotaging your relationships without you knowing
- [12:20] The connection between being deeply insecure and anxious attachment
- [14:28] Finding the true root of your relationship anxiety in childhood experiences
- [18:22] The body-focused healing approach that actually works
Related Posts You'll Love:
- How to Heal the Root of Anxious Attachment (Not Just the Symptoms)
- 3 Reasons Your Anxious Attachment Isn't Healing
- Anxious Attachment Triggers: 3 Essential Reminders for Your Healing Journey
- How to Stop "Coping" with Relationship Anxiety (& Actually Heal)
Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! π«