Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

What To Do When Your Anxious Attachment is Triggered

anxious-attachment-help anxious-attachment-triggers attachment-style-healing attachment-therapy emotional-triggers-relationships relationship-anxiety-healing relationship-triggers Jul 15, 2025

Are you spiraling when your partner seems distant? Overthinking every little thing they say or do? Going into full panic mode over the smallest relationship hiccup? Girl, your anxious attachment is getting triggered—and I'm here to help you navigate it like the queen you are! 💕

Ready to Ditch the Relationship Anxiety For Good?

Honey, if you're DONE with the constant overthinking and ready to feel secure AF in your relationships, I've got you covered! Check out these game-changing resources:

💖 Healing Girl Gang: Your new sisterhood of support - JOIN NOW

💥 The Confidence Code: My signature program to heal anxious attachment from the inside out - TRANSFORM YOUR LOVE LIFE

🚀 Self-Sabotage Slay-Over: Stop getting in your own way - CLAIM YOUR POWER

💎 VIP 1:1 Coaching: Personalized support just for you - BOOK YOUR SESSION

Let's Keep This Healing Party Going! 🎉

📺 YouTube: Subscribe for Weekly Inspo
📸 Instagram: Join the Healing Fam
🎥 TikTok: More Healing Goodness

Your most secure, confident self is waiting. Let's make it happen, bb! 💜

The Three Main Anxious Attachment Triggers (And Why They Happen)

Let me break down the most common triggers I see with my high-performing girlies who are absolutely crushing it in every area of life except relationships. 🙈

Overthinking and ruminating is probably the biggest one. You're second-guessing what you said, what you texted, replaying conversations on repeat thinking "Oh my gosh, are they going to leave me? Are they getting bored with me?" Even when logically you KNOW there's no reason to worry!

I just got a new client who's been with her partner for FOUR YEARS, and she's still overthinking everything. We both started laughing because there's literally no reason he's giving her to think these things, but her mental gymnastics are still going strong. 🤸‍♀️

Word vomiting and over-explaining is another big trigger response. Something small happens and suddenly you feel like you have to apologize for everything, explain every detail, make it all better. It's like you're trying to control the outcome through sheer explanation power!

Then there's what I call "the flail." This is when there's conflict or even just minor friction, and you feel this literal physical need to claw your way back to safety. It feels like drowning and you're just trying to fix everything RIGHT NOW or something terrible will happen.

Here's the Truth Bomb About Triggers (That Changes Everything)

The trigger is NOT about what's happening in the moment, gorgeous. 💣

I'm going to say that again because this is SO important: the trigger is not actually what's happening in the moment.

When you're triggered, you get really convinced, really justified that it's about THEM and what THEY did. But if you feel your emotions dialed up to 11, if there's this sense of urgency, if you feel like you're going to die if you don't fix this immediately—that's your past wound getting activated.

It's like when you have tangled necklaces and you're rushing out the door. In that moment of frustration and urgency, you get convinced the necklace is the problem. But if you had plenty of time, you could gently untangle it no problem. The trigger is about your past, not your present.

Why Knowing Your Past Isn't Enough (The Missing Piece)

Understanding your triggers intellectually is just ONE piece of the healing puzzle. Don't get me wrong—it's important! But it's not the only piece.

I've been in therapy since I was 16, and so have many of my clients. At a certain point, just intellectualizing what happened to us stops working. You can't just think your way out of anxious attachment. 🧠

Think of healing like making the most amazing chocolate chip cookie you've ever had. You wouldn't use an Easy Bake Oven for that, right? You need quality ingredients, the right temperature, proper timing. Healing is multi-layered and multi-dimensional.

If we only work on the intellectual level, we're getting Easy Bake Oven cookies when we could have gourmet-level healing!

Learning to Respond Instead of React (Your Superpower)

The next piece is understanding how to respond instead of react when you're triggered.

When I was triggered in the past, I was like those little boxing puppets—just jabbing and biting like a scared animal backed into a corner. That's reaction mode, and it doesn't build connection or get us good results.

Cultivating observational awareness is your secret weapon here. This is where you can observe your feelings instead of being IN your feelings. If you can observe your thoughts coming and going instead of being IN your thoughts, you stop the spiraling. ✨

When we're reactive, even if our partner is the most secure person with all the green flags, that reactive energy will wear on anyone. Would you want to be around someone who's extremely reactive to everything? Probably not!

Connecting Your Past to Your Present (The Body Piece)

This is the piece that makes my approach different and gets people insane results—the ability to connect and calm in the present moment while understanding your past patterns.

You cannot out-will your subconscious, gorgeous. You cannot force calm in an activated nervous system. 🌪️

This is what I see so often with the women who follow me—you can save all the social media posts, listen to all the podcasts, but until you're connecting the dots between your body, your past, and your present, it's just information overload.

You could Google "how to heal anxious attachment" right now and find a million purple links. The information is out there! But it's HOW you do it, the process, the accountability, the support—that's what makes the difference.

It's like working out. You have all the information to have a healthier body, but what makes the difference is how you implement it and who's supporting you along the way.

Taking Radical Self-Responsibility (Your Path to Freedom)

Here's the tough love moment: you are the common denominator in your relationship patterns. 👑

I say this with so much love, but if you keep attracting people who trigger you, if you keep having the same relationship problems, you're the source. We are the source of our reality—how we perceive things, what we attract.

You can try to get them to text you more, you can date different people, but at the core, you're still the common denominator. The trigger is about healing YOU.

This is why having a process is so important. When you take ownership and responsibility that this is something you can heal, when you commit and recommit again and again—that's when everything changes.

Remember, triggers were created by your consciousness to protect you. As easily as we can create something, we can recreate it. The power is yours, gorgeous.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Notice your trigger patterns - Start paying attention to when you feel that urgency or spiral coming on
Practice observational awareness - When triggered, try to observe the feeling instead of being consumed by it
Remember it's about your past - Ask yourself "What wound is getting activated right now?"
Join the Healing Girl Gang - Get support from other girlies who totally get what you're going through

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:05] Welcome and introduction to anxious attachment triggers
[3:48] The three main trigger types: overthinking, over-explaining, and "the flail"
[7:32] Why triggers aren't about what's happening in the moment
[10:11] Understanding that healing is multi-layered, not just intellectual
[12:14] Learning to respond vs. react through observational awareness
[15:25] The importance of connecting past wounds to present triggers
[18:25] Taking ownership as the common denominator in your patterns

Join Your Healing Sisterhood!

The Healing Girl Gang is where overthinking dies, self-trust thrives, and high-achieving women like you transform relationship anxiety into unshakeable confidence—all while being cheered on by girlies who just get it.

Join the Sisterhood