Ever wonder what your avoidant partner REALLY thinks about your anxious attachment? In this special birthday episode, my husband Craig gets vulnerable about our relationship journey—from toxic patterns to the secure love we have today. Buckle up, because this conversation is about to get REAL! 💕

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Why This Episode Will Change Your Perspective on Love

Y'all, I am SO excited to share this special birthday episode with you! 🤩 For the first time ever, my husband Craig joined me on the podcast to spill ALL the tea about our relationship journey. And let me tell you, it gets vulnerable FAST.

If you're in an anxious-avoidant relationship (or wondering if yours will work), this episode is pure gold. Craig opens up about what it's really like being the "avoidant" partner, how we broke our toxic cycles, and what actually changed everything for us.

This isn't your typical relationship advice—this is real talk from two people who almost destroyed their love story but chose to heal instead. And honestly? The insights Craig shares might surprise you about what your avoidant partner is actually thinking and feeling.

The Comedy of Our Differences (Even in Recording This Podcast!)

Before we even started recording, Craig and I had a hilarious moment that perfectly captured our relationship dynamic. We couldn't agree on how to count down to start recording! 🙈

I wanted to do "3, 2, 1, go" while he was thinking "1, 2, 3, go"—then we somehow ended up discussing swimming starts and gunshots. This tiny moment literally shows how our brains operate so differently, and honestly, it's part of what makes our relationship work now.

Craig's response? "Just pick a number! Why can't we figure out the right order?" Meanwhile, I'm laughing hysterically because I think our differences are hilarious. This is US in a nutshell—and it's exactly why anxious-avoidant couples can work when both people are willing to grow.

Craig Gets Real About Being the "Avoidant" Partner

When I read Craig the definitions of anxious and avoidant attachment, his reaction was everything. He immediately saw the connection between both styles, saying "I think a lot of just the intertwining of the two or the similarities between the two goes to just that overarching theme of confidence."

Here's what blew my mind: Craig had never heard these attachment style definitions before, but he instantly understood that they're both rooted in the same core wound—a lack of confidence and deep-seated fear.

For Craig, avoidant attachment showed up as:

• Fear of vulnerability in relationships
• Tendency to sabotage when things got "too deep"
• Creating situations that would justify pulling away
• Making it seem like the other person's fault when he withdrew

"If it felt like it was starting to get too deep a couple months in... then I would try and sabotage it. I would manipulate the situation where there would be something that would go wrong where it's like see this is why we shouldn't be together."

Girl, the honesty! 👑

Our Early Toxic Patterns (That Almost Broke Us)

Let's keep it 100—our first two years were ROUGH. We were stuck in that classic anxious-avoidant cycle where something small would happen, I'd get anxious and bent out of shape, and Craig would retreat to his "cave of isolation."

The manipulation was REAL on both sides. I was trying to be the "cool girlfriend" and using niceness to get what I wanted (more closeness, more reassurance). Craig was creating drama to justify pulling away when intimacy felt too scary.

We even got in a fight recently about In-N-Out Burger (yes, really!). But here's the difference—instead of lasting for days and creating distance, we recognized our fear patterns quickly and chose love over fear. That's growth, babe!

The fight happened because I wasn't being honest about what I wanted. I was hungry and wanted to wait at In-N-Out, but I was scared to disappoint Craig on his day off. Fear was driving our decisions instead of authentic communication.

The One Thing That Changed Everything for Us

You know what Craig said was the game-changer? "If I know that I'm doing something or saying something based out of fear... but if I'm doing something out of love rather than fear then it feels to me so much more satisfactory."

This hits SO deep because it shows that healing isn't about becoming "less anxious" or "less avoidant"—it's about learning to operate from love instead of fear. ✨

When we operate from fear:

• I would withdraw and avoid (even though I'm typically anxious)
• Craig would shut down and create distance
• We'd both manipulate situations to feel safer
• Communication became dishonest and game-playing

When we operate from love:

• We can be vulnerable about our needs
• Conflicts get resolved quickly
• We choose transparency over protection
• Trust deepens instead of eroding

Why Your Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Can Totally Work

Here's what most people don't understand: anxious and avoidant attachment are actually two sides of the same coin. Both are fear-based responses to not feeling safe in relationships.

Craig nailed it when he said both attachment styles come down to confidence. When you're anxiously attached, you're seeking external validation because you don't feel safe inside yourself. When you're avoidantly attached, you're protecting yourself from vulnerability because you don't trust that someone won't leave.

The beautiful thing is that when both people are willing to do the work, you can actually help heal each other. Craig's steadiness has helped me feel safer, and my emotional availability has helped him open up more.

But here's the key—we both had to take radical self-responsibility for our own healing. No one person can fix the dynamic alone.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Stop trying to change your partner and focus on your own healing patterns. The only person you can control is YOU, gorgeous.
2. Notice when you're operating from fear versus love. Ask yourself: "Am I doing this because I'm scared, or because it's genuinely loving?"
3. Practice radical honesty about your needs. Stop trying to be the "cool girl" and start being the authentic girl.
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang for support from other girlies navigating the same journey. You don't have to heal alone!

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:06] The hilarious countdown chaos that perfectly shows our different energies
• [1:51] Craig opens up about being an "evolving human" and his growth journey
• [8:04] I read the attachment style definitions and Craig's mind-blowing response
• [14:20] Craig gets real about his past manipulation and sabotage patterns
• [17:25] How we operate from fear versus love in our relationship now
• [20:08] Our recent In-N-Out fight and what it taught us about honesty
• [24:22] Why Craig thinks both attachment styles are really about confidence

Related Posts You'll Love:

• How We Broke the Anxious-Avoidant Cycle (Real Couple Story)
• 3 Signs Your Anxious and Avoidant Relationship Will Work
• Breaking the Push-Pull Cycle in Your Anxious-Avoidant Relationship
• Why You Keep Pushing Good People Away (And How to Stop)

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫