Are you the girl who wants things to move fast in relationships? Fall hard quickly? Have big reactions to small things? Girl, your anxious attachment might be craving intensity over security—and I'm here to show you what a truly secure relationship actually feels like! 💕

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Why Fast-Moving Relationships Aren't Actually Secure

Here's the tea, gorgeous: if you're someone who loves when things move fast in dating (hello, first kiss on date one!) or you're pushing for the next relationship milestone ASAP, that's actually a sign you're moving away from security, not toward it. 🙈

I used to be the QUEEN of moving fast. I literally brought Craig home with me the night we met at a baseball game (zero judgment on myself for that, by the way—it led to my amazing marriage!). But back then, I thought if I could just accelerate all the steps, somehow they'd fall in love faster and everything would be secure.

Plot twist: that's not how secure relationships work, boo!

A truly secure relationship is going to move at a slow-burn pace. It's intentional, it's steady, and it allows you both to actually get to know each other at a deeper level. Think of it like really good... well, let's just say we want things slow and intentional in ALL areas of our relationship, if you know what I mean! 😉

The beautiful thing about moving slower is that you get to savor discovering new things about your person. Craig and I are still finding out new things about each other, and I absolutely love that pace of discovery.

Intensity vs. Consistency: The Game-Changer

When you're in anxious attachment mode, you're probably seeking that intense, passionate, "can't eat, can't sleep" feeling. You want to feel ALL the feels, all the time! But here's what I've learned: we often mistake intensity for sincerity.

Just because something feels intense doesn't mean it's deep or real. Sometimes intensity is just... well, intensity! It could be hormones, it could be drama, but it's not necessarily the foundation for lasting love.

Secure relationships feel much steadier. There's consistency instead of those emotional roller coasters. You're not constantly wondering where you stand or if they're going to text back. There's an even-keel energy that might feel "boring" at first if you're used to chaos, but trust me—it's actually incredibly healing! ✨

This also means being less impulsive. Instead of making big relationship decisions based on intense feelings in the moment, you're making choices from a grounded, consistent place.

Reaction vs. Repair: The Superpower of Secure Love

Girl, let me tell you about the biggest difference between insecure and secure relationships: how you handle conflict.

When you're operating from anxious attachment, you're going to be reactive. Something happens, and BOOM—knee-jerk reaction time! You're responding from that triggered place before you've even had time to think.

But in secure relationships? The superpower is repair. Craig and I have honestly mastered this at this point (and it took time, hunny!). When something goes sideways (because it will—nobody's perfect), we come back to each other with intention. We meet in the middle and repair the connection.

Repair is intentional, not reactive. It's choosing to see your differences and still choose each other. It's the ability to say "Hey, that didn't go well, let's try again" instead of spiraling into "This means everything is terrible!"

Think of it like riding a bike down a steep hill. If you're going too fast (intensity), hitting every bump hard (reactive), you're going to wobble and potentially crash. But if you're going at a steady pace (consistency) and know how to gently steer (repair), you can navigate the hills much more smoothly! 🚴‍♀️

The Physical Reality of Moving Too Fast

I love this analogy because it really shows you what anxious attachment patterns feel like in your body. When you're going fast, seeking intensity, and being reactive, it's like you're on a bike going down a steep hill at full speed.

Your bike starts to wobble and shake because you're moving too fast for the terrain. When something unexpected happens, your reaction isn't going to be great—you're more likely to overcorrect and end up falling over completely.

But when you slow down, pedal at a consistent pace, and learn to gently adjust the handlebars instead of overcorrecting? You stay balanced and can actually enjoy the ride!

This is what it feels like in your body when you start building security. Things feel calmer, steadier, and you're not constantly bracing for impact.

Building Inner Security Changes Everything

Here's what I want you to understand, gorgeous: when you build an inner sense of security—when you feel safe and secure inside yourself—it literally changes how your relationship feels. 🌊

Rising tides raise all ships! Your relationship is going to feel different because YOU feel different. You're not looking to your partner to be your entire source of safety and security. You're not needing them to move fast to prove they love you. You're not needing constant intensity to feel connected.

This work is simple but not always easy (and yes, that's exactly what the girlies in the Healing Girl Gang are working on!). But when you do this inner work, everything shifts.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

I know this might sound "boring" if you're used to the highs and lows of anxious attachment patterns. You might be thinking, "But Claire, where's the passion? Where's the excitement?"

The excitement is in the peace, boo! 👑

It's excitement about actually feeling safe with someone. It's the thrill of building something real and lasting instead of constantly wondering if it's going to fall apart. It's the joy of discovering someone slowly and intentionally instead of rushing through all the milestones.

Secure love feels like coming home to yourself every single day. It feels like being seen and accepted for who you are, not what you do. It feels like having someone who's consistent, reliable, and chooses you every day—not just when the mood strikes or when you're performing perfectly.

Learning to Be Okay Not Being Okay

Sometimes healing is being okay not being okay. I learned this through my own physical therapy experiences (and let me tell you, physical therapists are mean! 😂 Just kidding—they're lovely, but healing is HARD).

When you're healing a frozen shoulder, the job isn't to pretend it doesn't hurt. The job is to gradually, intentionally work through the discomfort to get one degree better. That's exactly what emotional healing looks like too.

If you're someone who tends to want to make everything better for everyone (including yourself) right away, this is going to feel uncomfortable. You might want to rush the process, skip the hard parts, or convince yourself and others that "it's not that bad."

But gorgeous, the healing is in sitting with the discomfort. It's in being willing to feel the feelings instead of rushing to fix them. It's in getting curious about what this situation is trying to teach you about yourself.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

1. Notice your pace patterns - Start paying attention to when you want to rush things in your relationship or dating life
2. Practice choosing consistency over intensity - When you feel the urge for drama or big feelings, pause and ask what steady would look like instead
3. Develop your repair skills - Next time there's conflict, focus on coming back together intentionally rather than just reacting in the moment
4. Join the Healing Girl Gang - Get support from other girlies who are learning to build security from the inside out

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

• [0:04] What a secure relationship actually looks like vs. what feels "weird"
• [0:23] Signs you like things to move fast (and why that's not secure)
• [7:24] Why moving fast isn't actually building security
• [9:25] The difference between intensity and consistency in relationships
• [11:20] Reaction vs. repair: the superpower of secure relationships
• [13:00] The bike analogy for anxious attachment patterns
• [14:05] How building inner security changes everything in your relationship

Related Posts You'll Love:

• How to FEEL more SECURE in Your Relationship (for overachieving women)
• 3 Signs Your Anxious and Avoidant Relationship Will Work
• How We Broke the Anxious-Avoidant Cycle (Real Couple Story)
• Stop Anxious Attachment to Live Your Best Life

Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫