Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

How to Stop Overthinking Relationships: The Simple Tool That Actually Works

anxious-attachment-symptoms attachment-style-healing dating-overthinking-help overthinking-in-relationships relationship-anxiety-triggers relationship-confidence-building stop-relationship-spiraling Jul 23, 2025

Are you replaying conversations on repeat? Analyzing every text for hidden meaning? Lying awake at 2am wondering if that fight means it's over? Gorgeous, your overthinking is hijacking your peace—and I've got the one tool that'll change everything! 💕

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The Real Story Behind My Worst Overthinking Spiral

Hunny, let me take you back to one of my messiest overthinking episodes because I KNOW you need to hear this. 🙈

I was dating my now-husband Craig (who was totally avoidant while I was anxiously attached—what a combo, right?). We were long distance between South Denver and Boulder, and weekends were EVERYTHING to us. But one weekend, I made this assumption that we'd hang out after his family event without actually communicating about it.

When our plans fell through and we didn't talk for like 15 hours (which felt like 15 YEARS), I completely spiraled. I'm talking full-on overthinking attack—replaying our messages to my best friend like a script, analyzing every word, convinced I'd ruined everything. My heart was racing, my thoughts were going 100 miles per hour, and I felt absolutely out of control.

Even when a friend gave me some medicine to help (consult your doctor, boo!), my thoughts were STILL spiraling. That's when it hit me: I am in charge of my thoughts. Mind = blown. 🤯

But then I was like, "Okay cool, but HOW do I actually control them when I feel this insane?"

Why You're Treating the Heart Attack, Not Preventing It

Here's where I'm gonna give you some tough love, gorgeous, because I care about you too much to sugarcoat this. 💕

By the time you're in full overthinking mode, you're having the equivalent of a relationship heart attack. And just like with actual heart attacks, there were warning signs way before the attack happened that you probably ignored or pushed aside.

Think about it—before your last overthinking spiral, were you:

Super stressed at work?
Not sleeping well?
Dealing with other life pressures?
Already feeling emotionally overwhelmed?

99% of my clients who come to me mid-overthinking attack have other major stressors happening that made their nervous system fragile. Something that would normally be a small bump became a massive crater because their system was already overloaded.

It's like this: if your best friend didn't text you back for 12 hours, you wouldn't think twice about it. But when it's your partner and your nervous system is already activated? TOTAL MELTDOWN. ✨

Your Nervous System Is the Missing Piece

Babe, here's what most people get wrong about overthinking—they think it's just a mind problem. But overthinking is actually a nervous system reaction that triggers your mind to go into overdrive.

Your nervous system is that delicate part of your body that decides whether to fight, flee, or freeze when it senses danger. When you're already stressed, overwhelmed, or running on empty, even tiny relationship triggers feel like massive threats.

I look at healing relationship anxiety from a holistic standpoint: Body, Mind, and Spirit. Your body (nervous system) is usually what kicks off the overthinking party, so that's where we need to start! 👑

Think of your nervous system like a smoke detector. When it's working properly, it only goes off for actual fires. But when it's been triggered too many times or is overly sensitive, it starts going off when you burn toast. Same energy with relationships!

The One Tool That Changes Everything

Okay gorgeous, here's the ridiculously simple tool that I use with EVERY single client who comes to me mid-overthinking spiral. Ready for it?

Ask yourself these questions:

How's your stress at work this week?
Have you had any big projects or life events recently?
Has there been travel, holidays, or other major changes?
What else is impacting your stress levels right now?

That's it. SO simple, right? But I'm telling you, this works because it helps you understand that your overthinking isn't actually about your relationship—it's about your nervous system being overwhelmed.

When you can connect the dots between your life stress and your relationship anxiety, you stop making your partner responsible for fixing something that was never about them in the first place. Game changer! 🤩

How to Actually Treat Your Nervous System Well

Here's where the real work happens, hunny. If you want to prevent those overthinking attacks, you need to treat your nervous system like the delicate, precious system it is.

This means:

Setting actual boundaries with work hours (sorry, no more working until 8pm every night)
Prioritizing sleep and rest
Managing your stress levels proactively
Not overloading your schedule when you're already feeling stretched thin

For my overachieving girlies (and I see you!), this might feel uncomfortable because you're used to pushing through and doing ALL the things. But your relationship peace depends on you learning to scale back and honor your system.

Here's how you know your system needs attention: Imagine if your mom or sister didn't text you back for 12 hours. No big deal, right? But when it's your partner, you're spiraling. That's your nervous system telling you it's already maxed out. 💕

Real Talk: My Client Success Stories

Let me tell you about my client T (name changed, obviously). She came to me with EXTREME anxious attachment—like, could barely function when her boyfriend didn't respond immediately level anxiety.

But she committed to this nervous system work. She started treating her body with respect, managing her stress, and guess what? She's now moving to London with her boyfriend! They're moving in together, and she's completely secure in their relationship.

This isn't magic, boo—it's what happens when you do the foundational work of caring for your nervous system instead of just trying to manage your thoughts. ✨

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Start tracking your stress levels daily - Notice patterns between life stress and relationship anxiety
Set one boundary this week - Whether it's work hours, social commitments, or energy drains
Ask yourself the nervous system questions - Before you spiral, check in with what else is going on in your life
Join the Healing Girl Gang - Connect with other girlies on the same journey and get ongoing support

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:07] How to stop overthinking relationships at any stage (dating, committed, or married)
[2:19] Claire's personal story about her worst overthinking spiral with her now-husband
[4:47] The miscommunication that triggered a 15-hour spiral and what it taught her
[7:12] Why treating overthinking like a "heart attack" changes everything
[10:24] The simple tool Claire uses with every client experiencing relationship anxiety
[12:22] How Claire's clients achieve incredible transformations (like moving to London!)
[14:58] The nervous system approach to healing overthinking from the root

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