How to Fix Overthinking in Your Relationship (The Real Root)
Aug 22, 2025Are you constantly spiraling about what your partner meant by that text? Analyzing every conversation for hidden meanings? Creating problems that don't even exist in your beautiful mind? Girl, your overthinking is sabotaging your peace—and I'm here to show you how to heal it from the root! 💕
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Why Your Overthinking Is Actually a Survival Technique
Here's the truth bomb that's going to blow your mind, gorgeous: overthinking isn't a character flaw—it's a survival technique you learned somewhere in your early life experience! 🤯
Think about it. You didn't just wake up one day and decide, "You know what? I'm gonna make my life miserable by overthinking everything!" No babe, you learned this strategy because at some point, it kept you safe.
For me, I had to be strategic about how much noise I made coming home from school. If I was too loud, my dad would think I was playing instead of studying, and there would be consequences. So I learned to constantly think through scenarios in my head—how can I be as quiet as possible? How can I read a fun book but make it look like studying?
Your overthinking brain was your protection system. It helped you navigate unpredictable situations, avoid conflict, or secure the love and safety you needed as a kid. But here's the thing—what once served you is now sabotaging your relationships! 🙈
The Blind Spots That Keep You Stuck (And How Shadow Work Helps)
Just like every car has blind spots where someone could literally be hiding, we all have emotional blind spots that we can't see without the right mirrors. This is where shadow work becomes your secret weapon! ✨
Shadow work, created by Carl Jung (and no, I'm not a psychotherapist, but this stuff WORKS), helps you see what you can't see on your own. It's like having the perfect mirror system to check those blind spots that are keeping you stuck in overthinking patterns.
Here's a powerful shadow work question you can try right now:
How do I feel when I overthink? (Not what you're overthinking about, but how does the ACT of overthinking make you feel?)
Then ask yourself: How do I act when I'm overthinking? And finally: What outcome do I get from overthinking?
When you write these answers down and look at the facts, you'll see that overthinking isn't actually beneficial. But here's the magic—by asking these questions, you're directing and managing your thoughts instead of being swept up by them! 👑
The Disconnection Trap That's Ruining Your Relationships
Here's what blew my mind when I finally understood this: overthinking is inherently a disconnection. It disconnects you from yourself, from the present moment, and from your partner.
Think about it, boo. When you're spiraling about what they meant by that text, are you present with them? When you're analyzing every conversation from three weeks ago, are you connected to yourself in this moment? Absolutely not!
Connection is the currency that brings us closer together, but overthinking creates distance. It's like putting up a wall between you and the love you actually want.
Most of the time, when we're overthinking, we're either stuck in the past (analyzing what happened) or anxious about the future (catastrophizing what might happen). But love? Love happens in the present moment. And that's exactly where overthinking takes you away from! 💕
Why Feeling Is the Key to Healing (Not More Thinking)
Okay gorgeous, this next part might feel uncomfortable, but stick with me because it's the real game-changer! You cannot think your way out of overthinking. I know, I know—it sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out.
Overthinking is a strategy you learned to survive, but feeling is actually the key to healing the wound that overthinking was trying to protect you from. Let me say that again because it's CRUCIAL: feeling is the act of healing what overthinking is trying to fix.
For me, feelings were honestly terrifying. I had no clue how feelings actually felt (I know that sounds insane!). Even though I'd been in therapy since I was 16, I had never given myself permission to actually FEEL my emotions.
Why? Because in my experience, feelings weren't safe. My dad would say things like "Why are you crying? I'll give you something to cry about" when he was the one making me cry! And let's be real—our society doesn't exactly encourage emotional expression either. If a woman cries, she's "hysterical," right? 🙈
But here's the hot tip: You are 100% valid and allowed to feel your feelings!
Healing Your Nervous System Changes Everything
Before you can even tackle the mindset work, you need to start healing from a nervous system perspective. When your nervous system is dysregulated, it's like trying to think clearly during a fire alarm—it's just not going to happen!
When you start resetting your nervous system to be in a more relaxed state, you create space between your thoughts and your reactions. You're no longer at the mercy of every anxious thought that pops up.
This is why all the "just think positive" advice doesn't work for anxious attachment. Your nervous system is running the show, and until you address that foundation, you'll keep getting swept away by the overthinking spiral.
Think of it like this: you can't build a house on a shaky foundation and expect it to stand strong. Your nervous system IS that foundation for your mental and emotional wellbeing! ✨
The Power of Acceptance (Your First Step to Freedom)
Here's the part that might feel counterintuitive but trust me on this: acceptance is a critical and vital first step in healing your overthinking. Not changing it, not fixing it, not stopping it—accepting it.
Instead of trying to shut down your anxiety or distract yourself from uncomfortable feelings (hello, cleaning the entire house or diving into work!), you need to accept and sit with those feelings.
For example, maybe you notice: "My heart is fluttering, I'm breathing really fast, and I'm feeling anxious." Instead of immediately trying to make it go away, can you just... be with it?
The doing IS in the feeling, babe. I know that sounds like I'm speaking in riddles, but this is literally how you heal. You have to feel to heal.
This doesn't mean wallowing or staying stuck—it means creating space for your emotions to exist and move through you instead of getting trapped in the overthinking cycle.
Next Steps For The Anxious Girly
If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:
- Try the shadow work questions I shared above. Write down how overthinking makes you feel, how you act, and what outcomes you get. Be brutally honest with yourself!
- Practice sitting with uncomfortable feelings for just 60 seconds at a time. Don't try to fix or change them—just notice and breathe.
- Start paying attention to your nervous system throughout the day. When do you feel activated? What helps you feel more grounded?
- Get support for this work because honestly, it's always best with help. Whether that's therapy, coaching, or joining the Healing Girl Gang community!
Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.
Key Moments in This Episode
- [0:43] Overthinking is actually a survival technique you learned in childhood
- [3:18] Why shadow work is so powerful for healing blind spots
- [4:30] The three questions that help you see overthinking clearly
- [6:03] How overthinking creates disconnection in your relationships
- [8:53] Why feeling is the key to healing (not more thinking)
- [10:24] How your nervous system affects your ability to stop overthinking
- [12:43] The power of acceptance as your first step to freedom
Related Posts You'll Love:
- Stop Overthinking in Relationships: The Ultimate Guide
- 5 Minute Pep Talk for Relationship Overthinking (Stop the Spiral!)
- Stop Overanalyzing in Your Relationship: The Real Root Cause
- How to Stop Overthinking Relationships: The Simple Tool That Actually Works
Remember gorgeous, your healing journey is unique. Be gentle with yourself, and know that you're never alone in this process. The Healing Girl Gang has your back! 💫
