Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

How to Heal Anxious Avoidant Attachment in Relationships

anxious-attachment-healing anxious-avoidant-relationship attachment-anxiety heal-anxious-attachment push-pull-relationship-cycle relationship-attachment-styles secure-relationship Aug 20, 2025

Are you stuck in that exhausting push-pull cycle? Where you're desperately trying to get closer while they're pulling away? Girl, if you're in an anxious-avoidant relationship, I SEE you and I've been there! Today I'm sharing exactly how my husband and I broke free from this toxic dance. 💕

Ready to Ditch the Relationship Anxiety For Good?

Honey, if you're DONE with the constant overthinking and ready to feel secure AF in your relationships, I've got you covered! Check out these game-changing resources:

💖 Healing Girl Gang: Your new sisterhood of support - JOIN NOW

💥 The Confidence Code: My signature program to heal anxious attachment from the inside out - TRANSFORM YOUR LOVE LIFE

🚀 Self-Sabotage Slay-Over: Stop getting in your own way - CLAIM YOUR POWER

💎 VIP 1:1 Coaching: Personalized support just for you - BOOK YOUR SESSION

Let's Keep This Healing Party Going! 🎉

📺 YouTube: Subscribe for Weekly Inspo
📸 Instagram: Join the Healing Fam
🎥 TikTok: More Healing Goodness

Your most secure, confident self is waiting. Let's make it happen, bb! 💜

The Truth About Anxious-Avoidant Relationships (It's Not Hopeless!)

Let me paint you a picture of my early relationship with Craig that'll make you feel SO seen. We met around Memorial Day, and by summer we were already deep in the anxious-avoidant struggle bus. 🚌

I'll never forget this one night—I was out with friends wearing my cute summer hat, thinking he was hanging with his dad and brother. In my anxious little brain, I'd made this whole assumption that after his family time, he'd come see me. But we never actually talked about it (classic miscommunication moment!).

As the night got later and I wasn't hearing from him, my anxious attachment was in FULL panic mode. When we finally connected around 10:30, we got into a massive fight because our plans had changed and I was NOT having it.

If you know, you know—plan changes hit different when you have anxious attachment. It feels like the end of the world! 😮‍💨

We didn't talk all of Saturday (which was literal hell on earth for my anxious system), and by Sunday we were both emotionally exhausted. This became our monthly pattern: I'd lean in desperately trying to connect, and he'd be like "ew no" and pull away even harder.

Why Most Anxious-Avoidant Couples Don't Make It

Here's the hard truth, gorgeous: most anxious-avoidant relationships don't survive because both people stay stuck in their patterns. The anxious partner keeps chasing, the avoidant partner keeps running, and nobody does the deep work to heal. 🏃‍♀️

But here's what I want you to know—we started off in a really unhealthy place and it took us YEARS to get where we are now. Don't let Instagram fool you into thinking relationships are all sunshine and rainbows from day one!

Your attachment style and relationship patterns go DEEP. These wounds aren't surface-level "just think positive" fixes. They're rooted in how you learned to feel safe and get connection as a child.

The 4 Game-Changing Things We Did to Heal Our Dynamic

After years of trial and error (and probably way too much therapy 🤣), Craig and I figured out what actually works. These four things literally saved our relationship:

1. We Both Stretched (And Got Uncomfortable AF) Just like in yoga class, growth requires discomfort! I had to learn to be okay with space, and he had to learn to be okay with intimacy. Neither of us wanted to do it initially, but we both committed to feeling uncomfortable rather than staying stuck.

And listen babe, if you're thinking "why do I have to do all the work?"—I love you, but that mindset is crusty and dusty. 👏 Your healing benefits YOU regardless of what your partner does. But real talk, it takes two people willing to stretch for this to work.

2. We Respected Each Other's Needs (Without Losing Ourselves) This was HUGE. I learned to respect that Craig genuinely needed distance sometimes—not because he didn't love me, but because that's how he processed emotions. And he learned to respect that I needed more connection and intimacy.

But here's the key: respecting his needs didn't mean abandoning my own. I still had healthy boundaries about what distance was acceptable vs. what would be too much for me to handle.

3. We Upgraded Our Communication Game We had to ditch the "you" language that was creating more defensiveness. Instead of "you never text me" or "you always do this," I started taking responsibility for my feelings: "I feel disconnected when we don't communicate for long periods."

The energy behind your words matters just as much as the actual words! It took us time to master this (honestly, we're still growing), but that shift from blaming to owning our feelings changed everything.

4. We Got Vulnerable (The Scary But Magical Part) This one was my biggest challenge as a recovering perfectionist. I had to drop the facade that I had everything together and let Craig see my messy, imperfect, sometimes emotional self.

You can be powerful in your imperfection—write that down! 📝 When I stopped trying to be the "perfect girlfriend" and started showing up authentically, our connection deepened in ways I never imagined possible.

The Weekly Practice That Keeps Us Connected

Here's my bonus tip that we've done since early in our relationship: weekly date nights with absolutely no distractions.

Every week, Craig and I have dedicated time where we put our phones away, look each other in the eyes, and drop into real connection. Sometimes it's at a restaurant, sometimes it's on our couch on Wednesday nights doing our spiritual work together.

And gorgeous, if you're single, please please PLEASE date yourself this way! Give yourself that same undivided attention. My rock-solid morning ritual where I spend quality time with myself has made my relationship stronger because I'm showing up more centered and secure. ✨

Why Your Attachment Wounds Need Better Tools, Not More Information

I need you to understand something: you don't have to be perfect to have a secure relationship. Craig and I still have anxious and avoidant tendencies sometimes, but now we have:

Better tools for navigating triggers
More awareness of our patterns
Willingness to do the work when things get messy

It's not about becoming completely "healed" (spoiler: that's not a real thing anyway!). It's about building the skills to handle your attachment wounds when they show up—because they will show up. 🙈

The root of all attachment styles is fear, and learning to be with that fear instead of running from it or trying to control it is what creates lasting change.

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Practice stretching in small ways - Notice where you're avoiding discomfort in your relationship and lean into it gradually
Start taking responsibility for your feelings - Replace "you" language with "I feel" statements in your next relationship conversation
Plan a weekly connection ritual - Whether with your partner or yourself, commit to undistracted quality time
Join the Healing Girl Gang community - Surround yourself with other girlies who are doing this deep work too

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:07] Introduction to anxious and avoidant attachments in relationships
[1:50] Claire's story about early relationship struggles with miscommunication
[6:09] The four things they did as a couple to heal their dynamic
[7:22] First strategy: Both partners stretching and getting uncomfortable
[8:44] Second strategy: Developing respect for each other's needs
[10:42] Third strategy: Upgrading their communication patterns
[17:06] Bonus tip about weekly date nights and undistracted connection

Join Your Healing Sisterhood!

The Healing Girl Gang is where overthinking dies, self-trust thrives, and high-achieving women like you transform relationship anxiety into unshakeable confidence—all while being cheered on by girlies who just get it.

Join the Sisterhood