Healing Anxious Attachment

For high-achieving women who crush it everywhere except love. Discover how to stop overthinking, trust your intuition, and build the secure relationship you've always wanted—without dimming your shine.

Ways You're Accidentally Sabotaging Your Anxious Attachment Healing

anxious-attachment-healing anxious-attachment-triggers attachment-style-recovery high-achiever-relationships relationship-anxiety-tips relationship-overthinking-triggers secure-attachment-journey Jul 21, 2025

Are you doing ALL the things to heal your anxious attachment but somehow still feeling like absolute garbage? Reading every self-help book, scrolling through relationship advice posts, going to therapy, but nothing's actually sticking? BB, I see you—and I'm about to spill the tea on exactly why your healing journey feels stuck! 💕

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The Information Hoarding Trap That's Keeping You Stuck

Gorgeous, let me paint you a picture that's probably going to feel WAY too familiar. You're the girly who researches everything to death, right? ✨ Like, before I went to the Philippines with my husband, I went down this entire rabbit hole about linen—organic linen, the best quality linen, linen pants, linen everything! 🙈

And this is exactly what you're doing with your anxious attachment healing. You're collecting information like it's going out of style, but here's the problem: you're becoming a garbage disposal of random advice without any actual process.

You want to get it right (because that's what us overachieving girlies do!), so you're Googling articles, saving Instagram posts, buying all the books. But instead of feeling better, you're feeling MORE confused because now you have all these conflicting pieces of information floating around in your beautiful brain with no clear direction on what actually applies to YOU.

Information without a process is just mental clutter, hunny. And mental clutter leads to more overthinking in relationships—which is the opposite of what we want! 💕

Venting Is Actually Making Your Anxiety Worse

Okay, this one might sting a little, but stay with me! 👑

I used to have this best friend who was also anxiously attached, and omg our phone calls were like anxiety spiral sessions disguised as "support." I'd call her up, vent about whatever relationship drama was happening, and she'd be like "Yeah girl, he totally sucks!"

And sure, I'd feel good for like 30 minutes after hanging up. But then? I'd actually feel WORSE because we weren't solving anything—we were just picking at the wound and making it more infected! 🤒

When you're constantly venting about your relationship anxiety without taking any action, you're literally rewiring your brain to focus on all the problems instead of solutions. You're practicing anxiety, not healing it.

Asking the Wrong People for Relationship Advice

This is where it gets really tricky, bb. You're going to people you love and respect for advice, but here's the thing—they don't actually have the same experience you do! 🙈

They might be in totally different relationship phases, or they've never dealt with anxious attachment triggers the way you have. So when they give you advice, you're literally borrowing their "paint" (their perspective and belief systems) and trying to apply it to your completely different canvas.

It's like asking someone who's never dealt with relationship overthinking to help you stop overanalyzing every text. They mean well, but they don't have the wisdom that comes from actually walking that path!

Their lens and how they see relationships has their own set of experiences, emotions, and belief systems wrapped up in it. And honestly? Their paint might be totally clashing with your watercolor because you're dealing with completely different relationship challenges.

You're Taking Action, But It's Not ALIGNED Action

Now this is the hot tip that's going to change everything for you, gorgeous! 💫

I guarantee your beautiful brain is thinking "But Claire, I AM taking action! I'm doing the hot girl walks, I'm meditating, I'm journaling!" And yes, those things are amazing—but are they aligned and informed action specifically for YOUR healing journey?

Let me tell you a story about yoga that's going to make this click. I used to do tons of standard yoga classes (shoutout to the McDonald's of yoga—no shade, I loved it!), and it felt good for a while. But then I started getting HURT because I was just taking random action without understanding the proper alignment and process for MY body.

It wasn't until I found a teacher who taught me the information behind the poses AND the proper alignment that my practice absolutely exploded. When I learned the process—where my shoulders needed to be, how my ribs needed to align—THAT'S when I started getting into those deeper poses safely.

This is exactly what your anxious attachment healing needs: aligned and informed action with a clear process, not just random healing activities! ✨

The Missing Link: Process Over Random Healing Activities

Here's what I want you to understand, bb: healing anxious attachment isn't about doing more things—it's about doing the RIGHT things in the RIGHT order for YOUR specific situation.

You can't just throw a bunch of healing activities at the wall and hope something sticks. You need:

A clear understanding of YOUR specific triggers
Tools that actually address the root cause (not just symptoms)
A step-by-step process that builds on itself
Support from people who've actually walked this path

When you try to heal without a process, you're basically doing surgery with a butter knife. You might make some progress, but you're also probably creating more problems along the way! 🙈

Why Your Current Approach Isn't Sustainable

Let me be real with you for a second, gorgeous. The reason you keep feeling "pretty poopy" despite doing all the things is because you're treating healing like a university course instead of a lived experience.

You're collecting certificates (information), attending classes (therapy, podcasts), and writing papers (journaling), but you're not actually integrating any of it into your daily life in a way that creates lasting change.

Sustainable healing happens when you have a clear roadmap, consistent practice, and the right support system. It's not about perfection—it's about progress with purpose! 💕

Next Steps For The Anxious Girly

If you resonated with this episode (and I know you did, boo!), here are your next steps:

Stop collecting random advice and start looking for a clear process - No more saving every relationship post you see! Focus on finding ONE approach that resonates and commit to it.
Audit your support circle - Are the people you're venting to actually helping you heal, or are they just validating your anxiety? Find people who've walked this path successfully.
Shift from information gathering to aligned action - Before consuming ANY more content, ask yourself: "How does this specifically help MY healing journey right now?"
Get clear on YOUR specific triggers and patterns - Stop trying to heal "anxious attachment" in general and start healing YOUR unique version of it.

Remember, healing isn't linear. No effort is wasted! You're exactly where you need to be on your journey to becoming secure. And trust me when I say that the peace on the other side is SO worth it.

Key Moments in This Episode

[0:05] Why doing "all the things" still leaves you feeling terrible
[2:54] The information gathering trap that's keeping you stuck
[5:16] How venting to anxiously attached friends makes things worse
[7:06] Why advice from secure people doesn't always help
[10:43] The difference between action and aligned action
[11:24] The yoga analogy that explains everything about healing
[14:25] Why you need a process, not just random healing activities

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